From a distance, ie, the first screenshot, everything seems to work well. So I'd give it an 8ish there.
Buuuuuuut when you get in closer you notice that the shield seems very over the top and doesn't quite match. I'd look for a smaller shield and one with a little less bling. Iridescent/Diamond might work. It's still sparkly and shiny and fits the white-ish theme, but is less "Look at meeeeee~" Definitely look for something slimline rather than bulky. So that knocks it down to about a 6.
And I gotta agree with some of the others, the face... to be brutally honest, it's gotta go

I'd knock it down to a 4.5/10 there. Go visit Llye in GToB and get some work done. I've seen some pretty snazzy looking male sins. So give that dude his right eye (as you look at him, it's his actual left

) back and then get him a mouth that doesn't look like some smirking creeper you find hiding behind the bushes at an all girls school. Face 1 or 4 could work here, IMO.
If you do decide to change anything, be sure to post it up again. I do like looking at other people's chars, and I love being able to give honest feedback
