The Monking Commandments

After reading through some of these threads, and listening to people speak about monks, I have come to the conclusion that we should have rules that governs us. If you happen to deviate from these rules, you will be tarred and feathered immediately, with the words n00b scratched out with a rusty nail on your forehead.

Please adopt the following rules immediately. Ignorance is not an excuse.

The 10 Commandments:

1. You shall not let any member of your party die. There is no excuse for this. The only reason you are allowed to play Guild Wars is to heal. If you are abused because someone died, you will apologize, and offer them 10k gold. If you have a person who happens to be named Leeroy Jenkins in your party, you will thank him for joining the group. You will be expected to stay within healing distance of him at all times. Just because he aggro's every single enemy on the map does not mean he doesn’t know what he is doing. It just means that you are too stupid to comprehend his superior strategy.

2. You shall not run out of energy. There is no excuse for this. Fighting a 10 minute battle, with someone constantly aggro'ing new groups, is not a excuse. You have 8 slots in your skill bar. There is no reason why you cant run 10 e-management on top of the healing and prot skills you also need to run. If you do not do this you are a n00b, and need to apologize to your team.

3. You shall apologize to the Assassin and the Dervish for their low armor. It is YOUR FAULT that Anet did not give them enough armor to TANK. They are not supposed to use skills given to them by Anet to increase their survivability. It is your job to keep them all alive. And if you happen to be graced with a group more than one Dervish/Assassin, you will thank them for the assistance, and immediately pay them 100k each.

4. You shall not run a smite build. It is your fault that Anet made this mistake. Your only job is to heal AND protect for PUG's. Not smite. This is selfish of you, and as punishment you will immediately give 100k to each member in the 10 next groups that you monk for.

5. If you happen to be passing through a mission area, and someone asks for a healer, you will immediately beg to be allowed. Farming, passing through and waiting for a friend is NOT a valid excuse. You will immediately apologize for not being there sooner, and causing the group undue distress. If there is another healer in the group, you are however allowed to share the penalty of 100k per person.

6. You shall not speak at all. You are only a monk, and as such you are not allowed to have an opinion. If you do however speak you shall address the other members of the party with the honorific of Master and Mistress.

7. You shall not make recommendations to other members about skills to take. You will however ask the people to choose your build. If they cannot make up their minds, you should apologize to them for causing an inconvenience, and take every single skill that you have. The fact that you have only 8 skill slots is your own fault, and you will be expected to figure out a way to change this immediately.

8. You shall not give advise on how to complete the mission. Just because you have completed the mission 10 times before with master reward, does not qualify you. If you do give advise, you should apologize immediately for your arrogance. Pay a 100k fine.

9. You shall not let the mission fail. Its simple. Everyone knows that if the mission fails it has to be the monk's fault.

10. You shall not expect the low armor Elementalists to kite damage directed at them. It is unreasonable to expect them to do things to keep themselves alive. If you are healing an elementalist, and another member of the party takes fatal damage during that period, you will immediately apologize and pay a 1000k fine.

Thank you for your cooperation

Is this Guy for real?

oh great.. Yet another "I'm not appreciated as a monk so I am angry" thread... Thumbs up for usefulness

WTF?! DO YOU EVEN "HAVE" A MONK!?

1: its not easy to keep your whole party alive if they run in random directions or get spiked in 1 second.
2: im not as angry about this since i dont have energy problems but still.
3: how is it "my" fault that anet gave dervishes and sins medium armor? am i the game designer? no, im not.
4: smite monks can be very powerful "especially" in kryta.
5: monks, like all other players, have basic rights that include the right to refuse to help.
6: if monks are being targeted, they cnt defend themselves. they need someone to kill a coupe of the 4 'sins targeting them.
7: u want us to take hack the game so it will let us take 80 skills?
8: another basic right is the right to give tactical advise. this doent have to be accepted anyway.
9: HEY! if the whole team runs for the boss and leaves me to heal that dwarf guy dont come crying to me when ur dead!
10: once again, if the perosn that dies is outside of my radar range im not responsible.

bitch

This is halarious. I think it's safe to say this guy is joking.

You forgot one thing. Every monk must have a res sig, which they can then use again and again. Not having a res is just in-excusable.

Shizuka Hayabuza, Anarion Silverhand, Giga Strike, that obviously was a joke..

Quote: Thumbs up for usefulness sorry but, kind of redirected at yourself there/

awesome thread, made me giggle.

and yep, you forgot rez. you also forgot that a monk has to call, else they fail. preferable wand spike as well while keeping everyone alive.

Lol, just a joke guys, relax

I got a good chuckle out of it. I'm in a bit of a bind though...I need to farm about 40 million gold to pay fines, but I can't go anywhere without having to join a group.

Your own fault Effigy, apolagise and pay an additional fine for that.

Quote: Originally Posted by Mokone

While it's funny, the situation is hardly so gruesome as all that :P

People tend to exaggerate a great deal when posting on forums, because they won't be held to what they say. If something seems ridiculous to you, just ignore it. The bottom line is that nobody can force you to play in any way, whether good or bad. If you want to be a n00b for the rest of your GW life, there's not a damn thing anyone can do about it. If you refuse to play with anyone that isn't in a top-10 GvG guild, there's not a damn thing anyone can do about that either (although you might be playing alone a lot of the time).

I join groups when I want to, heal who I want to, and leave when I want to. When I'm in a good mood, I heal more and leave less. When I'm in a bad mood, I heal less and leave more. That's just how it is, and I can't be bothered to care about what other people think of my policy.

I guess my point is this: relax. Nothing anybody says on a forum makes a damn bit of difference. You can rage all you want here and then sit down with some tea/coffee/beer and play GW however you want.

Monks generally aren't. If you can heal well your party will do everything they can to push you to the limit until you can't carry on then blame you.

Why not do it in humor.

I really meant this as a joke. More to make fun of how seriously we complain on other threads about monks.

At the end of the day if we take ourselves too seriously where is the fun?

Monking isnt about fun, kapish? its about dedication, its a bloody ART! so I dont see these kind of threads any "funny" as you want to call it.

kthxbie

What's the fine for not bringing a rez? It might be more cost effective if I didn't bring one. If I heal an ele while another dies, I owe 1000k. I rez the guy I owe 1000k to. Next battle, I heal the ele again and the guy dies again. I'm now out 2000k. See where I'm headed?

im keeping an eye on you...

Haha I definitely got a kick out of this. Nice.

Can we get an addendum on Rez rules please? This is a hot topic and there's alot of confusion...
For example:

Is it ok to use my 6-second 'lose-all-my-energy' rez in the middle of a battle?
...What about if the frenzy/heal-sig warrior is spamming "I'm dead!"?

Should I suggest/require that none of the other party members bring a rez sig? After all, it's my job to battle-rez & heal, correct?

How many rez sigs are optimal to bring on my bar? Are there penalties for bringing less?

Is it appropriate to respond to the ele-puller/tank "I have 29% Death Penalty" with "I have 10% Morale Boost" ?

We need guidance...

here here, i agree to these rules.

that made me laugh so much i almost fell of my chair ( thank god for arm rests :P). with the no res rule i must ow at east 100000000k, and the amount of times its my fault that soem one, who is not even on my miny map dies, god thats another 10000000k down the drain ( thank the lord for ebay :P). any way nice joke, and i lvoe the first few replys

Haha, funny. Just to spite you, i'm going to let my next PuG die. DNKP anyone?