Curse

Ashleigh McMahon · Sep 30, 2005, 04:17 PM // 16:17

Introduction
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Hi there

Please don't laugh if you think this is bad, but it's my first guildwars story.

I'm writing this partly because I have too write a fiction story for my English class at School, and I think it would be fun too type and post it on here, get suggestions & comments from readers, and copy & paste the story too word and print it out.

Anyway.. I'll be adding it in parts so it's not time consuming.

I hope you enjoy reading this.

ps: I might use terms in old style, like refer too competiton arenas as fort koga ect.

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Part 1- The Awaiting
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It was late evening, in the icy caverns of droknars forge, I was upgrading my bow, tainting the string and personalising the handle.

My pet bear, Yoggie, sat beside me, giving me a saddended- like roar, I comforted Yoggie, but he seemed upset.

" It's ok Yoggie, the night is coming, you can have a nice rest"
Again, Yoggie moaned.
" What's wrong, Yoggie," I inquisited, knowing that he couldn't answer me.
For the next 10 minuites, Yoggie kept yawning. I was starting too worry.
I started too think he may be diseased, I thought of taking him too see Mhelno too get him checked over and cleansed.

Yoggie didn't look ill, or offput, he looked more... bored.
I was still very lively, Yoggie looked like he was ready for action.
I said in a tender loving voice " Yoggie, you want too go practice?"
Yoggie jumped up, as if he was attempting a brutal mauling.

I assumed that he wanted too go fight in the Team Arenas.
I stood up, Yoggie scouted ahead, we reached the centre of the team arenas waiting area.

When we got there, I spoke too a Xunlai Agent and withdrawn my Frostbound armor, as it was very cold.
I searched around, looking for a party who would actually be competitive towards the enemys.

" Looking for a party, Need Monk & Elementalist!" I shouted. After I completed that sentence, Yoggie done a huge, deafening roar.
A red hair girl aproached me, her name was Cynn, I could tell by her armor she was attuned too fire magic.
" Hello, I would be honoured too join your party, as long as that foul bear will shut his mouth" Cynn stated, with envious eyes.

Yoggie growled at Cynn, and jumped in front of me too protect me, as if Cynn was about too shoot balls of fire at me.
" Hmmph " Cynn muttered, as she sat down on a icy bench nearby.

So, that's one party member, now we need two more people.

Again, with alterations, I yelled " Looking for two more people, a monk and a warrior!"

Suddenly, a holy servent of dwayna aproached me. I could tell by the divine glowing aura sorrounding his hands that he was a monk, a healing monk.

" Hello, I be Mhenlo, servant of dwayna, I shall protect thee in the mists of combat"

Mhenlo sat down, and I introduced Mhenlo too Cynn, I could tell Cynn didn't like Mhenlo.

" Don't rant on about been all holy and that, I've heard it before on the fiery island chain, when hydras were chasing from all directions. Where were monks holyness then? Eh?" Cynn ranted.

Ok, two down, one too sit

" Need one warrior for completion of group" I yelled.

A mighty female warrior by the name of Devona aproached me, she was wielding a huge like hammer, I knew I wouldn't want too be on the opposing side of that.

"I would like too join your party, if the place still exists" Devona said politely,
with loyalty in her words.

" Sure you can join" I said.

So, they we were, Me( Ash McMahon, With my almighty bow), Cynn The Elementalist, Mhenlo The Monk Of Healing, Devona The Mighty Hammer Master and my lovely big bear, Yoggie, ready too enter the frontier gates of the action stage.

" Is everyone ready" I asked.

I heard a triple yes, and a huge roar coming from my allies.

"So be it, we shall make for the arena itself" I said in confidence.

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End Of Part 1- The Awaiting
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Notes: Wow, that was alot of typing

Please post comments, suggestions and all that

I will take in mind all comments and suggestions that are made.

Thanks for reading

Best Regards, Ashleigh.

PART 2- COMING SOON

Delta_24 · Sep 30, 2005, 05:27 PM // 17:27

Like the story, Ash!
Well written!

Ashleigh McMahon · Sep 30, 2005, 06:07 PM // 18:07

Thanks Delta

Please keep the comments comming

Regards, Ashleigh.

Mr Wolfmaster · Sep 30, 2005, 11:42 PM // 23:42

I liked it, but some things kept it from being more epic. Like the fact that you made it sound more like a vedio game than a story when the main guy yelled out that he's looking for members. This may be just the way you are writing it but prehaps I'm just used to other things. Maybe with a little more of the story I can understand your writing style better and thus make a more accurate assumption of what the story is like. I don't want to discourage you or anything though.

Storm Crow · Sep 30, 2005, 11:58 PM // 23:58

It was decent. You need to work on your forms, punctuation and quotes though

for instance

Quote:

" It's ok Yoggie..."

this should be "It's ok Yoggie..."

no space

Quote:

you can have a nice rest"

this should be "...you can have a nice rest."

period

Quote:

one too sit

this should be one to sit

otherwise, it was decent

Blind Rage · Oct 07, 2005, 10:43 AM // 10:43

omg...what a perfectionist

Storm Crow · Oct 07, 2005, 11:08 AM // 11:08

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blind Rage

omg...what a perfectionist

me? no, I'm not, thats called proper punctuation and grammar.

Guizzy · Oct 07, 2005, 05:58 PM // 17:58

When people are writing for the form, like art usually does, the choice of the words as well as the grammar rules are important. They help having a good understanding of the subject.

Of course, it's forgiveable, when the content has to be understood as quickly as possible, to use contractions. But it wouldn't be art, then, would it?

Enigmatics · Oct 07, 2005, 09:45 PM // 21:45

Read Stephen king if you'd like to see maddening paragraph breaks. He, however, still punctuates correctly (unless he is narrating and intertwining that narration with childrens' thoughts).

Guizzy · Oct 08, 2005, 06:38 PM // 18:38

I hate Stephen King too; very hard to keep focus on what he trying to tell.

soverin · Oct 20, 2005, 04:04 PM // 16:04

Jeez talk about nit picking! I thought it was great!!

Mistress Develion · Oct 20, 2005, 05:50 PM // 17:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by Guizzy

I hate Stephen King too; very hard to keep focus on what he trying to tell.

hahahh not really. Dont take the books as stories but thoughts and it becomes much easier to understand