Curse

KurtTheBehemoth · May 04, 2006, 10:50 PM // 22:50

I have recieved so much fan mail concerning the adventures of Nooblets, that I am creating a thread dedicated to him. The original thread was "Why don't more rangers care about their pets?" but that invited off topic discussions about ranger skills and pet skills. Nooblets is such an honorable, loving pet that he deserves his own thread.

Why just today he saved me again! I was about to step in a hole full of monsters and Nooblets sprayed his web over it (hes a spider). I didn't lose my leg but it was really hard scraping the sticky webbing off my boot.

I love you Nooblets

KurtTheBehemoth · May 04, 2006, 10:52 PM // 22:52

please don't move this thread. I know it doesn't belong here but ppl will read it and love it.

Storm Crow · May 05, 2006, 01:58 AM // 01:58

This is completely irrationally put here. Next time, try reading the small text under the forum name so you know what actually goes there, instead of guessing and posting things that have nothing to do with the forum criteria.

storm of daeth · May 05, 2006, 10:15 PM // 22:15

doesent belong here and if u think it does what is the sotry the lil spider saving your life? is that the entire story?

Minus Sign · May 06, 2006, 01:19 AM // 01:19

Title: It is very hard to live next door to someone who likes to play the drums at three in the morning.

That is what she told the police as they took her knife away.

***

Thats a mild paraphrase (to avoid copyright) of a story I heard once, from a published anthology as the speaker read it to me. If anyone knows the original and the author, please post or PM; I thought it kicked butt.

Technically, this is fiction. We know our spider pets don't actually save us from trouble by spitting webs at us.

Now Nooblets and this type of short fiction isn't really my cup-o-tea (EDIT: and I'd not want Lyssa's Fiction to be suddenly flooded with it) but its cute in its way and has an appearant fan base. I would suggest you spend more time crafting your piece before posting, however. Make it less anecdotal in the future if you want to write very short fiction. Example; in just two sentences (as above) you can have every element needed to make a story. Antagonst, action, suspense, drama. All there in just two sentences.

So too does yours. You've got monsters in a pit, yourself as the point of suspense and drama as you are endangered, and Nooblets coming to the rescue, coming alive in the action of spitting his web. Buts its rough, the way you've placed these devices. Also, the backstory about "Why don't more rangers care about their pets?" should be physically seperated from your piece. Running them together as you do with Nooblets background makes the story seem less fictiony, more comentary.

Still, I say, it should stay. Its a novel first effort at short fiction. i hope to see your writing evolve as you continue to post in this thread.

More to a point: you have posted in Lyssa's Fiction so you will hopefully be recieving many "off-topic" replies. These are people like me, coming in to critique your work, offer advice and their views. Take these with a grain of salt. For my part, I hope you find these comments constructive and helpful as you begin your story telling career in this forum. To that; my advice:

Edit. You need to move your subjects and craft a title from the anecdotal last sentence of your first paragraph. And yes, it needs to be a title. Since these are the Adventures of Nooblets and Kurt, each seperate story deserves its own seperate heading.

[ b ]Bold [/b], [ i ]Italics[ /i ], [ u ]Underline[ /u ] or ALL CAPS certain important words and phrases. Exapmle: I italicised the title to the example piece in this post. That makes it clearly different from the rest of the work, and so seperates it in the hopes of grabbing the readers attention. Side-commentary is allowed in this forum, but it needs to be seperated from the story to protect the story's integrity.

Finally, there is a device you half-use here, a question and answer type of writing. But you don't have the "question". Think Catechism, the religious practice of one person asking a question and the congregation answering. For you, this is done in reverse, but the queestion is subtly hidden. Next time, don't hide it.

EX: The casual gamer asks : "Why do you love your pet?" and you reply "Why just today he saved my life again" and move forward with the story of how.

Try that device next time; you might find the work evolves in credibility while still maintaining its quirky sense of self.

PS: every one of my pets names is "Meatshield".

Storm Crow · May 06, 2006, 02:27 AM // 02:27

@Minus - so, essentially, you just took the time to write out that entire post just to tell the OP that he needed to spend more time on something before posting it here? How could you even tell it was a story? It read like he posted something that he randomly dreamed up, and that, more or less, was completely and utterly boasting on how 'great' his pet is. But that's just my opinion.

Minus Sign · May 06, 2006, 02:54 AM // 02:54

I am certain it is a story because it has the elements of a story (as explained above) placed in such a way as to tell you about the actions of the pet Nooblets and its owner, Kurt. Its telling you a story, however short and unfocused, about Nooblets and Kurt. Its no Watership Down but it does what it promised.

If you still insist that this is not fiction, read As a Wife Has a Cow: A Love Story, by Gertrude Stein. Art takes all kinds.

And yes, I spent a long time telling him to edit his work a little more before posting here. I felt a need to add more constructive criticism than is my usual to balance the two previous replies that gave none. @Storm Crow; please post no more replies directed at me on the issue if you are not going to add some type of constructive criticism about the piece of this thread. While you have every right to your opinions, just telling him "this shouldn't be here" is no way to foster creativity. Tell him why you think his story is rough and offer ways to fix it.

By the way; what is fantasy if not something people "dream up"? Random or otherwise, speculative fiction is the world of "what if".

EDIT: Grats KurtTheBehemoth. You've only been up for barely a day and you've already gotten more replies and views than my sequel. Love it or hate it, peeps are reading you.

KurtTheBehemoth · May 06, 2006, 10:08 AM // 10:08

wow minus,

I apologize to everyone for even thinking of having a little fun with this thread. You are a sick individual that needs to get help. I have a list of psychologists here if you want a #. Guru needs to kick you off their site as quickly as possible.