Apr 16, 2006, 11:03 PM // 23:03
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#1
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Desert Nomad
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: With Vanatiel by the Lion's Arch Lighthouse, waiting for the storm with which we are accoustomed
Guild: Children of the Order [CoO] -True Heroes Fight to Keep the Balance-
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Dawn of Onyx Moon - A Guild Wars Spinoff
I have decided that the only way this is ever going to get done, is to do it. If you read my earlier thread "Guild Wars Inspired", it speaks somewhat of my troubles in this project. I cannot seem to find a free moment with which to do any work on this, and I will be very frustrated if even this ends up in the large pile of "Unfinished Work". I thank those who commented before on the support, and I shall post part one within a few days. Please stay tuned for updates on this storyline!
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PRONUNCIATION GUIDE Mierna - Me-air-nah
Iferan - I-fear-an
Enara - E-nar-ah
Cikarn - See-karn
Aerily - Air-ih-lie
Ksaiya - Ka-sigh-uh
Viara - Vi-are-ah
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NOTES
A Crow, contrary to popular belief, is NOT a bird. It is a death weaver, reaper, and gaurdian of lost souls. Do not get these confused.
Last edited by Storm Crow; Apr 25, 2006 at 02:00 AM // 02:00..
Reason: Added pronunciation and notes
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Apr 17, 2006, 05:18 PM // 17:18
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#3
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Desert Nomad
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: With Vanatiel by the Lion's Arch Lighthouse, waiting for the storm with which we are accoustomed
Guild: Children of the Order [CoO] -True Heroes Fight to Keep the Balance-
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Chapter One - A Forgotten Hero's Story
Hehe, forgot about putting down a base storyline...
Well, here goes nothing.
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“It was an icy, bitter night when your mother was born, dear child.” The old Sage Mierna spoke, her eyes glazed from lack of sleep. “An elf-woman she was born to, and a father of men. Her mother loved her dearly, but her people’s king swore exile should she remain with your grandfather. On the thirteenth night after birthing your mother, she left, for fear of banishment. She fled through the Iferan Plains, where the man had lived as a farmer, and into the Swordblade Mountains, toward the Elvin capital of Enara. It was then that your grandfather realized that he could not support a child so young as but two weeks old.
“He did his best cropping the twelve years he spent with your mother. She would help with the chores, milking the three cows they had every week, keeping the plow horse, Cikarn, fed and clean, and slopping the pigs after dinner every other day.”
Aerily sat on one of the pillows in a sunken fire-pit of the main room of the home she had shared with the Sage Mierna since her birth. She usually did not like to confront the past, but at this point, it was necessary. Her eighteenth birthday was soon coming, and Mierna thought that she needed to hear about her mother’s life. Aerily’s green eyes flickered in the firelight, and her dark chestnut-black hair swayed a bit from the breeze through an open window. She wore a crimson gown, with fine golden embroidery around the neckline, sleeves, and bottom hem. Her ears were adorned with earrings, a pair of crow’s feathers hung from her earlobes, and a set of black onyx beads followed in quick procession. A small hoop pierced the top of her left ear, with a tiny crow’s feather attached. Her slender figure cast a slim black shadow across the onyxwood pine floor as she sat up further to ease the pain in her back from slouching. She knew that she as a Halfling, in a sense. She was three-quarter Elf, for her father had been one, and her mother was half, and one-quarter man, from her grandfather. She had acquired her dark hair from her mother, and her green eyes from her Elvin part, as well as her meager, willowy figure.
“Unfortunately, her father died not long after her twelfth birthday, of a mysterious disease. It was then that she was alone, at least, until the Crows had taken her.”
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A bit short, but theres the beginnings. If there are any problems with understanding, please voice them, and I will clear it up as soon as I can.
Last edited by Storm Crow; Apr 24, 2006 at 08:18 PM // 20:18..
Reason: Pronunciation moved to original post
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Apr 18, 2006, 12:42 PM // 12:42
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#4
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Krytan Explorer
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: At home, content at beating the Domain of Anguish and therefore the entirety of Guild Wars (for now)
Guild: Formerly Charr Slayers Of Ascalon (CSOA), currently unemployed
Profession: W/Mo
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You might call that short, but I just scrolled down to the quick reply window, I'll read that later. I think I should say "Good Luck". Good Luck!
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Apr 20, 2006, 02:44 AM // 02:44
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#5
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Desert Nomad
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: With Vanatiel by the Lion's Arch Lighthouse, waiting for the storm with which we are accoustomed
Guild: Children of the Order [CoO] -True Heroes Fight to Keep the Balance-
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Chapter One - A Forgotten Hero's Story -- Continued
Previously in Dawn of Onyx Moon: “Unfortunately, her father died not long after her twelfth birthday, of a mysterious disease. It was then that she was alone, at least, until the Crows had taken her.”
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Aerily turned her eyes away, for she did not wish to hear the tale of those that had tainted her mother's being. Face contorted in a mixture of abhorrence, horror, and rage, she drowned out Mierna's words with her own reminiscing thoughts.
“'Twas a cold night, and she wore naught but a tattered, patch-strewn woolen dress.” She remembered, “She lay next to the old wood burning stove for what little heat and comfort it gave. She cried herself into a light sleep. Upon awaking to a slight noise, she found herself being looked upon by eyes that pierced her flesh. Being the brave heart she was, she turned herself to see what it was that fixed its gaze upon her. When she rested her eyes on it, she jumped back in surprise, her heart started racing, and she broke into a cold sweat, for what gazed upon her, was a Crow.
“The sweat rolled down her forehead and cheeks, burning her eyes and stinging her chapped lips. The Crow did not waver his gaze, and walked toward her, his footsteps nearly silent on the cold wooden floors. Ksaiya began to shake in terror as the Crow came ever closer. She whimpered softly as she backed slowly into a corner. The Crow outstretched his hand, and held her quivering chin as she began to cry again. He shushed her and asked kindly of her name.
“You need not know my name.” She protested boldly, attempting to hide her fear.
“I am Nagarn, and you needn’t be frightened.” He said softly. “I know of your losses. Your mother, when you were merely thirteen days old, and your father, just hours ago.”
“You know nothing of my losses!” She shouted, her mourning finally breaking free.
“This is where you underestimate me, dear child.” Nagarn spoke again, this time in a harsher tone, “I know all of your fears, your losses, and your most heart-wrenching times, for I am your guardian, and now I must take you into my care.”
After some negotiation, a decision was reached. Ksaiya would go with her guardian, and become as a Crow, if only she could see the mother whom she never knew.
Nagarn took her in his arms, and stretched his large, black wings. He flew then to the Swordblade mountains, and the Elvin capital of Enara."
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Another short addition, but we're making progress!
Last edited by Storm Crow; Apr 24, 2006 at 08:20 PM // 20:20..
Reason: Note moved to original post
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Apr 25, 2006, 02:00 AM // 02:00
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#6
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Desert Nomad
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: With Vanatiel by the Lion's Arch Lighthouse, waiting for the storm with which we are accoustomed
Guild: Children of the Order [CoO] -True Heroes Fight to Keep the Balance-
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Chapter Two - Elvin Magic
Previously in Dawn of Onyx Moon: "Nagarn took her in his arms, and stretched his large, black wings. He flew then to the Swordblade mountains, and the Elvin capital of Enara."
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“Nagarn landed a rough mile away from the city’s borders. As a Crow, he was forbidden to enter any Elvin city, and if he attempted, the best Elvin archers would shoot him from the sky. He explained this generally to Ksaiya, and told her that she would have to go on alone. He gave her a small Crow’s blade to use if necessary. She examined the miniature blade hurriedly: the sheath was black, and silver straps crossed it in several places, the blade was a sturdy band of iron, filed and sharpened with greatest precision, the hilt was simply silver, with a small onyx stone embedded in one side. She made haste to tie the blade with a loose knot at her hip, letting it suspend freely past her lower thigh. She was told the direction to go, and ran off in rapid steps.
“She ran to the wall, where a strong door stood, guarded by two dozen or so archers.
“Speak your name, young one!” The captain called from the top of the gate.
“I am Ksaiya, Halfling daughter of the Princess of your people. I wish to see my mother.” She spoke calmly as she grasped her sheath in her left hand.
“The guard motioned something to the gatekeepers, and slowly the door swung open enough to slip through. Upon reaching the opposite side, she was taken up by an escort of Elvin Elites, the paramount of the unsurpassed archers. They led her through the regal capital, marching in pride at her side. She still grasped her blade as she was taken to the base of the steps of the castle Enara.
“To the door. The castle guards will show you the way from there.” One said and bowed, his dirty blonde hair falling past his sharply pointed ears.
“She stepped forward, climbing the shining abalone steps to another gateway. Upon arriving here, she again told the guards her name, and they let her through without question. A servant of the King escorted her through a maze of stairwells and hallways, to a large balcony overlooking the Central Courtyard of the palace. There, a beautiful elf-woman stood.
“Here is the woman you seek, young Princess.” The servant bowed and walked out.
“The woman turned her head over her shoulder to see who had come. Her platinum blonde hair was swept up in a partial braid, the rest hung to her shoulder blades. Her eyes were as crystal blue as the purest sapphire, and as calm and loving as a meadow stream. Her complexion was light and fair, adding to her all ready seamless magnificence. Her soft-pointed ears helped to hold back her river of hair as she pulled it behind her shoulders. Her lips were soft and naturally a dull off pink, as if they pulled the flush from her cheeks in.
“She walked toward her daughter, knowing not that she was so. She gazed at her a bit quizzically, for she did not look to be of Elvin kind. Her hair was dark, a deep brown that shone with black radiance in the midday sun. Her bright blue-green eyes were slightly squinted by the Elvin sun, making it clear she had never been in the city before. She also looked a bit unkempt. Her face was dirty, her gown disheveled, and her hands callused.
“Who might be so proud as to just march into the Elvin capital and ask to see the heir to the throne, and especially at such a young age?” The princess Viara asked, putting her hands on her hips.
“Your daughter.” Ksaiya said simply, adjusting her blade a bit.
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Another short addition, but we're getting to the main (and most prominent) point in the beginning. Be sure to stay tuned!
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Apr 25, 2006, 10:12 PM // 22:12
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#7
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Desert Nomad
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: With Vanatiel by the Lion's Arch Lighthouse, waiting for the storm with which we are accoustomed
Guild: Children of the Order [CoO] -True Heroes Fight to Keep the Balance-
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Now it's your turn!
I am now open to any and all ideas as to what should come in this story!
Please post your ideas here, and the best will be put in (maybe)! NOTE: Only serious inputs that pertain to the genre of the story. For instance if you say "I think they should be abducted by aliens and used as test subjects!!" I obviously will not use your idea.
Also, flames, criticisms, and compliments would be much appreciated!
EDIT: And, just for the record, I usually have these parts done before they're posted here. I have let my English teacher and my friends, Katelin and Jordan, read this as well. Kate is usually a good source of information, she's a grade ahead of me and an absolute fantasy novel freak, and she says all my stuff is awesome. Jordan is also a fantasy freak, I mean dragons, fairys, elves, dwarves, the whole bit, and loves it so far. (yes, I like to boast on my local success.)
Last edited by Storm Crow; Apr 25, 2006 at 10:32 PM // 22:32..
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Apr 29, 2006, 08:31 PM // 20:31
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#8
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Desert Nomad
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: With Vanatiel by the Lion's Arch Lighthouse, waiting for the storm with which we are accoustomed
Guild: Children of the Order [CoO] -True Heroes Fight to Keep the Balance-
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Soon to come for "Dawn of Onyx Moon"--
Training of an Army: Battlemage
Training of an Army: Bowmaster
Training of an Army: Swordmaster
Training of an Army: Healthmender
Training of an Army: Deathmaster
Training of an Army: Air to Land Combat Ordergiver
Training of an Army: Air to Land Combat General
Training of an Army: Air to Land Combat Lieutenant
Ksaiya's Retribution on her Clan
(all titles subject to change)
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Apr 30, 2006, 03:25 AM // 03:25
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#9
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Frost Gate Guardian
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Barbados
Guild: Heralds of Pain
Profession: R/E
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I have no idea where this story is going, as it's really early in the plot, but it sounds good so far (even though the chapters are pretty short)! By the way, as you said this is a gw spinoff, does that mean your characters will have professions (like mesmer, monk) or something?
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Apr 30, 2006, 06:12 AM // 06:12
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#10
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Desert Nomad
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: With Vanatiel by the Lion's Arch Lighthouse, waiting for the storm with which we are accoustomed
Guild: Children of the Order [CoO] -True Heroes Fight to Keep the Balance-
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unreal Cyn
I have no idea where this story is going, as it's really early in the plot, but it sounds good so far (even though the chapters are pretty short)! By the way, as you said this is a gw spinoff, does that mean your characters will have professions (like mesmer, monk) or something?
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In a way, the characters will have professions, yes. As is told in my previous posts, I will be going through the training procedures of Battlemage (Elementalist, Mesmer), Bowmaster (Ranger), Swordmaster (Warrior), Healthmender (Monk), Deathmaster (Necromancer), and other wartime professions (Generals, Lieutenants, etc.). Also there will be cities such as LA and Droknar's, and different elements from Cantha as well.
Also, this story is entirely different than GW. It involves elements from The Lord of the Rings, Elves, dwrves, etc. but it also pulls in basic fantasy creatures, fairys (faeries), brownies, and other things such as dragons.
Just something I'd like to ensure everyone knows: Crows represent Death. They are considered the 'unpure' beings, or evil, if you might think of them as such. However, not all Crows are bad (ex: Ksaiya (you'll see later) and they are nessecary to the mortal population, for without death, there would be everlasting life (immortality) which is granted only to the Imperial Elves (Royal Elvin Family) and only in part.
Other characters will be introduced shortly, and I am working on the next installment now.
~Crow
By the way, I'd still like feedback every now and then, if it isn't too much trouble for you to read words from a screen and move your fingers on the keyboard and mouse, thank you.
Last edited by Storm Crow; May 02, 2006 at 10:46 AM // 10:46..
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May 03, 2006, 02:49 AM // 02:49
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#11
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Desert Nomad
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: With Vanatiel by the Lion's Arch Lighthouse, waiting for the storm with which we are accoustomed
Guild: Children of the Order [CoO] -True Heroes Fight to Keep the Balance-
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Chapter Two - Elvin Magic -- Continued
Previously in Dawn of Onyx Moon: “Who might be so proud as to just march into the Elvin capital and ask to see the heir to the throne, and especially at such a young age?” The princess Viara asked, putting her hands on her hips.
“Your daughter.” Ksaiya said simply, adjusting her blade a bit.
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“Viara let her hands fall from her hips, blinking repeatedly. She stood in one place for a while, seemingly taken aback by Ksaiya’s statement. She tried to think of something to say, but no words formed in her mouth.
“Regaining her poise, Viara cleared her throat, put her hands back in their place on her hips, and said: “I have no daughter.”
“Oh?” Ksaiya replied mockingly, “Give me your hand.”
“Viara took her right hand off her hip and held it out to Ksaiya, seemingly bored with the subject all ready. Ksaiya took her mother’s right hand in her left, holding her palm up, and drew her blade. She rested the flat in her mother’s hand, but then turned it on its edge after a moment. She then pushed her blade down, into her mother’s hand, and slowly drew it back to her, across her palm. She then did the same to herself, and sheathed her blade, not bothering to clean it. Ksaiya turned over Viara’s hand, letting her blood fall to the marble floor of the balcony, and she turned hers and did the same, letting her Halfling blood fall in the same place. The blood formed a solid pool.
“There is your proof.” Ksaiya said angrily, “It is said that if two bloods are equal, they will mix. Ours do. I am your kin.”
“Ksaiya, angry that her own mother even refused that she existed, stormed off the balcony, and when Viara tried to follow her, she slammed the old, oaken doors in her face. From here, she tried to navigate her way out of the ancient Elvin architectural masterpiece known as the Castle Enara, with no success. With her energy being sapped from anger, she was in desperate need of rest, and opened the first door she saw. It was here that she learned what being angry truly was.
“By one magical force or another, she had stumbled on a room that, without lock or key, had managed to stay hidden from the Elvin king for the last twelve years. Within the stone walls, there was an infant’s nursery.
“Slowly, she stepped into the old, musty room, and cried in anger at what she saw. There was a crib along the eastern wall; its old framewood creaked under the pressure of her hands, and it was coated in dust. A small, seemingly Dwarvish, dresser stood across from it, on the western wall; it too was covered in dust, and filled to bursting with baby garments. A small toy box filled with teething rings, toy animals, and soft, foam blocks stood in the corner near the door, and a rocking chair beneath the only window to the north.
“A halfhearted sigh came from behind her just then, and an elderly voice spoke painfully.
“I had always known she’d done this, but never where. She always wanted to return to you, and bring you here, to be raised as royalty, but she never had the chance…” the voice trailed off, and Ksaiya began to draw her bloody blade from it’s sheath, but a wrinkled hand stopped her, pushing it gently back into its scabbard. “There is no need for weapons, young princess, for you shall not need them if you choose to live with your mother, in peace.”
“As long as she is alive, there shall never be peace!” Ksaiya replied to the old man, getting angrier at his words. “She left me to die with my father in the fields! She left me to die, a cold, lonely death, and she cared only of her position as royalty, not of what should have been her highest priority, her child.”
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Well, another addition come and gone. I fear these short applications will not hold the attention spans of my few, but loyal, readers. I can only hope that I get a burst of talent for the next parts.
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PLEASE READ!!
There is but one part remaining before the section 'Training of an Army'!! If you have a light heart or weak stomach, please to not read the next nine installments!!
Last edited by Storm Crow; May 03, 2006 at 02:51 AM // 02:51..
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May 08, 2006, 12:47 AM // 00:47
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#12
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Frost Gate Guardian
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Droknar's Forge!
Guild: -No current guild.-
Profession: Mo/
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Sounds awesome...oh and im back...maybe...=p
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