Curse

Gmr Leon · May 09, 2006, 12:27 AM // 00:27

Chapter 1: Just another day in the Catacombs.

As any other day Oberan was walking through the dark halls of the Catacombs. He was planning on seeing how his Curses might affect some plants down in the Catacombs,but he would have to go outside. He took a turn and saw the many Gargoyles that knew better than to attack him. He crossed the metal bridge that he had crossed so many times before and still pondered how such a large skeleton had gotten under it. He was at the mouth of a cave which was one of the many entrances leading into the Catacombs. He picked up some grass and cast a few curses on it,made a mud pot and put them in it.

Oberan was now at the large pit where the undead warriors were performing their rituals and went into the hall he had put so many candles in and placed the mud pot full of cursed grass on a shelf next to the candles. He was thinking of where he would go to when it struck him that he hadn't checked the coffin room yet. The trek there was long,but he was finally there. As he walked down the steps he admired the architecture of the Catacombs and wished to know who created them. He shrugged off the thught and got to the bottom of the steps. Then he was ambushed by some gargoyles that were so stubborn they never learned they would die each time they attacked him.

He casted Insidious Parasite and Price of Failure on them and marched forward to the coffins. Smirking each time a gargoyle would die from mere ignorance to the fact they were killing themselves. He was at the end of the huge room where the coffins were lined up so neatly. He climbed up to the top row and pushed the top off of a coffin which revealed one of many of the hidden rooms in the Catacombs. He visited this room often because of the fact it held artifacts of Lord Grenth that other Necromancers knew of only in legend. He had studied them for days until he realized that one of them showed the Charr's ritual to their gods that would bring the fall of Ascalon's golden age. Oberan knew he should tell King Adelbern,but he told himself that if this is on an artifact of Grenth then it shall be carried out whether we intervene or not. Though Oberan knew not that this also meant he would lose his beloved home.

Chapter 2: Oberan finally meets his Lord...

Oberan awoke to the smell of fire which he knew to be his candles. He walked over to where he had put the grass he was experimenting with and noticed a significant change. From where they were bright green they had turned a dark blood red. Oberan grinned at the change,he never really had liked the color green anyway. He decided to see if the undead warriors' ritual had changed anything in the pit,all he noticed was a slight peak of a rock path going down into the pit appearing. Although other days he had noticed this,the path had never been large enough to walk on. Today was different though Oberan could walk down the path. As he walked down it got darker,but he didn't mind,he was accustomed to the dark.

He had finally made it to the bottom which was a shallow pool of water. He looked around and took in his surroundings. He saw a mural of Lord Grenth and he he went and quickly kneeled to the God of death and ice. Although he had seen many murals like this before none had frozen the ground around it. The shallow pool of water he was in before had turned into a chuck of ice. Oberan gasped at how quickly this change had occured and looked back the mural of Grenth to be even more amazed. The mural's eyes glowed a deep blue and cold mist set forth around the mural. Oberan found this odd because he had knelt before statues of Grenth and murals of Grenth,but nothing like this had ever happened before.

Oberan stood in front of the mural of Grenth frozen in place. The mural was no longer a mural Grenth was now standing before the bewildered Necromancer. Grenth said to Oberan "You have seen what shall be the future of Ascalon and yet ye have not tried to intervene?" Oberan's eyes widened and he quickly replied,"Lord Grenth! I did see your artifacts depictions showing the Charr bringing the downfall of Ascalon,but I never thought much of it. It showed depictions of death which meant it was meant to happen!".

At this Grenth was enraged "I am the God of death,but ye are foolish to think I wish to deal with a massacre of this size. Whatever Necromancer taught ye that souls go willingly into my grip after they die so suddenly taught ye wrong! They are the most stubborn souls I must deal with!". Oberan took this into thorough thought and replied in a shaky tone,"I-is it t-to late to halt this from happening my Lord?". Grenth stroked his beard and put this into thought,"Oberan had ye been so willing to stop this in thy first place I could have told ye yes,but it just so happens this is Ascalon's final day.". Oberan struggled to take this into realization before he finally said,"How can this be the final day of Ascalon?! Should there not have been signs to show us that the Charr were planning this?!" Grenth replied in his raspy voice,"The signs were shown to ye,before ye even knelt before me."

Oberan then remembered the dark blood red blades of grass and looked at Grenth with wide eyes. He then asked Grenth a question he knew was selfish,but had to ask,"Lord Grenth,even though I have failed to halt this,I must ask what will happen to the Catacombs?". Grenth replied,"They shall be no longer accessible. Although they may one day be reopened if ye continue living here ye will fall into my grasp.". It was then that Oberan realized he must leave his beloved home before this disaster took place. Before Oberan left he knelt once more to Grenth and said,"I am sorry I failed to serve you my Lord,but as long as I live I shall do what I can to make up for this.".

Though with that the ground shook and dust came through the stone walls and Oberan knew that he had to leave. Stone bricks fell from overhead as Oberan ran to escape what he knew could become his tomb. He had made it into the Abbey as the first crystalline meteorite struck and destroyed a portion of Ashford.

Chapter 3: The Aftermath of the Searing.

It was two years after the disaster had struck and he remembered his promise to Grenth. He had continued to serve under the God of death,but in this barren wasteland he thought it was hopeless to continue serving him with the Catacombs closed off. Every time he looked at the entrance of the Catacombs sealed off by huge boulders he looked longingly at his lost home. Oberan now lived in what once was an Abbey,now a home to the insane. He did not know how his fellow Necromancers there could stand dealing with the insane. After all this he felt the old King was not capable of bringing the kingdom back to what it once was.

He instead looked upon Rurik to be the one to bring Ascalon back up on it's feet and to hopefully reopen the Catacombs. He continued experimenting with curses,but with the lack of wildlife he took to studying the strange crystalline meteorites that had fell during the Searing. He noticed that some of them would have lightning striking the ground around them and took note of this. Also,around some of them grass and plants had started to grow once more which he found to be quite intriguing.

Each time after finishing studying he would go back to the Sanitarium and help his fellows Necromancers keep the insane from hurting themselves. Although he would rather just kill the insane victims of the searing and use them as test subjects he knew better than to do so. If he were to do that he would be killed for murdering fellow Ascalonians in their already harsh predicament.

I will continue later,hopefully with more to type.

Storm Crow · May 09, 2006, 03:11 AM // 03:11

I must admit, you have a good base for what could be an awesome storyline, however, your lack of pronouns and adjectives concerns me. Try re-writing this peice, adding more information and descriptive sentences and words, so that we can understand what exactly is happneing and what certain elements look like (for example, try describing Oberan a bit more, I felt that I was seeing the back of a man's head rather than a face in my mind's eye.), also try to describe events in their cronological order (first, second, last, etc.) and adding adjectives or adverbs to enhance other adjectives, even prepositional phrases work well as image enhancers (Example: "The girl walked into class." is a boring scentence, spice it up, as such "The pale, blonde girl walked into class without her books." is more descriptive, and paints a better picture in your mind.). I hope I have helped in one way or another..

Gmr Leon · May 09, 2006, 11:25 AM // 11:25

Yea,I've noticed I use alot of the same words over and over. It's a lack of words to start sentences for me. Also,I've never been to wonderful at describing stuff in writing.

Thanks for the advice though.