Curse

Nekro Dancer Azuro · Jul 07, 2006, 04:22 PM // 16:22

Since the last start became a bit of a "mess" I've just thought of better things for my story.

The Legend of Alyssa

Chapter 1: The Child

It had been a beautiful day, Drake Falconia thought. The flowers were blooming and the sun was shining. The evening was full of stars and the moon was just beautiful. Drake was a merchant, so he and his wife were traveling much. He first thought that when he had this life, he was too busy to have a child, but still his only dream was to have one. Every night he prayed for Dwayna to bless his wife so they could have children. But then, all of a sudden, his dream came true. His wife was pregnant. 5 and a half months had passed since the day that his wife said to him that she felt like someone was kicking her in the stomach. Right now, his wife was having a child inside their house. He already waited a few hours, but he didn't care. He just wanted to see his child. He sat outside a few hours more, when his wifes best friend screamed: "Drake, come quick! You are a father now!''
Drake inmediately ran into his house, almost breaking the door on his way through.
He saw his wife, lying on the bed with a baby in her arms. She turned her head to Drake, stood up, and gave him the baby.

"It is a girl, Drake! How should we call her?'' his wife said.
"Let's call her Alyssa." Drake said. He smiled. "My dear Alyssa."

Chapter 2: Brain Gain

Alyssa had fire red hair, blue eyes and she loved to wear dresses.

Alyssa was a kind, but stubborn girl. She never listened to her parents. One day she even ran away, only to come back several days later. Her dress was all tattered, and she cried. But as Alyssa grew up, also her knowledge grew.
She loved reading books, especially history books. Her favourite books were "When the King Arrived'' and "The beginning of a brand new world". In her books she could read all day long about strong heroes, often known by the seven professions: Warrior,Ranger, Necromancer, Elementalist, Mesmer, and the old Canthan professions Assasin and Ritualist. Her dream was to become the greatest hero ever. She did not know, however, that her dream was about to come true.

--------Chapter 4 coming out soon! Comments welcome!---------------------------

I hope you guys and girls like it. I will continue soon!

Storm Crow · Jul 08, 2006, 09:47 PM // 21:47

Since no one manages to give any young aspiring writer any help or critique these days:

I feel that you have, what I like to call, "Loss of detail and train of thought syndrome", or LODTTS. This comes about when someone has many great ideas and thoughts, but has not the sufficent time to put them together, resulting in a jumbles mess of too much action and drama in one place, and nothing in other places. I suggest you slow down, take a bit of time off, and get your thoughts in order. Make a web or a list, anything to set your ideas straight, and go forward from where you left off. It truly works wonders on the mind to have a nice relaxing bubblebath every once and a while too! Anyway, good writing so far, I hope to see more from you in the future!

Mackattack · Jul 08, 2006, 11:40 PM // 23:40

I like your ideas.

I'd like to see more description of the characters, Storm is spot on about too much action and drama in one place.

Nekro Dancer Azuro · Jul 26, 2006, 12:15 PM // 12:15

Oh sorry for the double post, but Ive got a new chapter!

Chapter 3: The Path To Glory

Alyssa was not only smart, but she could also fight well with a melee weapon, which wa

She did her first heroic `thing´ at the age of 16 while she needed to bring food to her grandparents. On the way to Ashford Village, where they resided, she saw a young girl playing in the grass near the river. Knowing that the girl played on River Skale territory, Alyssa took a small knife out of her belt pouch, just in case. Then, suddenly what Alyssa expected really happened. A Skale did its battle cry, ready to attack. Alyssa only thought one thing: `Dont be afraid.´
Right before the Skale attacked, Alyssa jumped before the girl, with the knife facing the beast.
The knife went through the stomach of the Skale. The skale started to move, as if he wanted to escape from his doom, but he couldnt. With a loud sound the creature fell on the ground. Alyssa watched the knife. The blood drops fell from it. `Thank...you´ the girl said, still a bit shocked of what she just saw. `No problem.´ Alyssa said. `Just dont play near this part of the river, okay?´

`Okay.´ the girl shouted while she ran away. `I will tell everyone I see about you!´

Alyssa walked on, and thought about what she did.`I just killed my first enemy. But I thought I should feel more heroic after what I have done. But I saved the life of that little girl, and that is what matters!´

Alyssa completed her task, and went home.

Two days later, late in the afternoon, Drake heard someone knocking at the door. Wondering who it was, he opened it. On the doorstep stood a priest. `Hello Mr. Falconia. I came here to say that you have a fantastic daughter. She saved the life of my child. I came to ask you a question. It would be a honor to have Alyssa in the Ascalon Academy for Young Aspiring Heroes. I can get her in that academy, if you and Alyssa want it´
The only thing that went through Drakes mind was that the Ascalon Academy for Young Aspiring Heroes was the academy that the kings and other important people, often the greatest heroes visited, before they became legends.

`You have my approval now. I shall ask Alyssa tomorrow.´ Drake said. He only thought that his daughter was possibly going to be a legend.

Nekro Dancer Azuro · Jul 27, 2006, 06:21 PM // 18:21

Chapter 4: My Academy

Alyssa didnt knew what she heard. She, a normal girl, could enter an academy which was only for the bravest of Tyria. She accepted. The next day, on her 16th birthday, she left with the priest to the Academy, ready to forge her own legend. Her father gave her a beautiful sword for her birthday, which a crafter, a friend of Drake crafted especially for her and her mother gave her a necklace with a beautiful emerald stone. When they arrived on the Academy, Alyssa couldnt believe what she saw. It was a large castle, with a large golden banner with the emblems of the school.
`Impressive, eh?´ the priest said, pointing at the castle.
`It sure is.´ Alyssa said. She felt like she was finally home after a long journey. As soon as she walked into the building she saw that the boys and the girls in most of the groups were probably not interested in talking to new students. A third group was formed, out of 12 students, who were probably also new students, thought Alyssa. She decided to join the group. Soon she met the six girls who were in her class. They were very friendly, and said that they wanted Alyssa to join their friend group. Alyssa said that she wanted to. She asked what their names were and what for professions they studied. The girls told all about each other. There was Ruby, a pretty Elementalist, Lena, a Ranger, Tamara, a Healing monk, Luna, a Necromancer, Fiona, an Asassin who came from Cantha to get into the Academy,Mary, a Mesmer and Dyza, a Ritualist, who was Fionas sister. After some chatting they heard a deep voice. They turned around to look at the giant stage, to discover that King Adelbern was about to give a speech.

Nekro Dancer Azuro · Jul 27, 2006, 06:21 PM // 18:21

Chapter 4: My Academy

Alyssa didnt knew what she heard. She, a normal girl, could enter an academy which was only for the bravest of Tyria. She accepted. The next day, on her 16th birthday, she left with the priest to the Academy, ready to forge her own legend. Her father gave her a beautiful sword for her birthday, which a crafter, a friend of Drake crafted especially for her and her mother gave her a necklace with a beautiful emerald stone. When they arrived on the Academy, Alyssa couldnt believe what she saw. It was a large castle, with a large golden banner with the emblems of the school.
`Impressive, eh?´ the priest said, pointing at the castle.
`It sure is.´ Alyssa said. She felt like she was finally home after a long journey. As soon as she walked into the building she saw that the boys and the girls in most of the groups were probably not interested in talking to new students. A third group was formed, out of 12 students, who were probably also new students, thought Alyssa. She decided to join the group. Soon she met the six girls who were in her class. They were very friendly, and said that they wanted Alyssa to join their friend group. Alyssa said that she wanted to. She asked what their names were and what for professions they studied. The girls told all about each other. There was Ruby, a pretty Elementalist, Lena, a Ranger, Tamara, a Healing monk, Luna, a Necromancer, Fiona, an Asassin who came from Cantha to get into the Academy,Mary, a Mesmer and Dyza, a Ritualist, who was Fionas sister. After some chatting they suddenly heard a deep voice. They turned around to look at the giant stage, to discover that King Adelbern was about to give a speech.