Curse

Goats17 · Jun 28, 2006, 11:13 PM // 23:13

Just a Fanfic I started writing. Thanks for all the comments guys.

Story:
Chapter One. The Creation of A Hatred

Many decades ago, during that fateful day when the Jade Wind was unleashed upon Cantha, a woman and her companion were engaged in the delightful dance of passion. The woman, known only as Fallacy, for she was skilled in the art of deception, had succeeded in seducing a Canthan Ritualist. The Emperor’s servant, known as Daoshen. Daoshen was just about to climax, at the same time as Fallacy, when the Jade Wind struck. The child was conceived at the exact moment that the Jade Wind passed over them. The Guard was killed instantly, but his name lived on in the spell he had created. Fallacy survived, but at a cost. The child she had created, would become one of the most feared legends of all time.

Kercel Fallacy was an unnatural child from the moment he picked up his first pair of daggers. He was two years old at the time. He had the build of a great warrior, the intelligence of a elementalist, the survival instinct of a ranger, the divinity of a monk, the darkness of a necromancer, and the speed of a mesmer. But it was the silent speed and deadliness of the assassin the drew him. He had made his first solo kill by the age of 12. He was a fully licensed freelance killer by the age of 15. But everything went wrong at the age of 16. He awoke the day of his 16th birthday, and found that his vision was blurry. He tried everything to get rid of it. His mother visited the great monks at the Shing Jea island Monastery to try to heal him. She visited the great Masters of the Monastery, and begged their aide. Their reply was only that what the Gods willed, they would not interfere in.

Fallacy was immensely angry at them. She vowed to destroy the monastery brick by brick if she had to. She ran from the Great Chamber and began to chant a spell. A spell that had never been heard before in the great land of Cantha. A spell to bring some of the dark power of the mighty Undead Lich King to the island. Fallacy planned to destroy the monastery that had brought her this pain with the greatest evil that had ever darkened Tyria’s continents. The Masters disrupted her spell through archaic means, and outlawed her from Shing Jea. They told her that if she ever set foot on the island again, the great power they had at their disposal would be used against her in full force. She never returned, but her offspring did.

Kercel was fully blind by the age of 17. He had no future now, the only thing he had ever been good at was gone. He could only become a beggar now, living off the charity of others. It was around this time that he heard tell of a great magic that had almost been lost. The magic of Binding Spirits to you will. Spirits from the world between here and the Underworld. He searched in every shady club, every back alley, every place he could think of to find traces of Ritualists.

It was around this time that his mother came back and told him of what had happened on Shing Jea. A desire to make The Masters pay was born into his heart. He resolved to go and study under them, for they had a Ritualist within their number. Then he would use their knowledge against them. Kercel wanted revenge.

Lady Of Tyria · Jun 29, 2006, 12:08 AM // 00:08

Mind if i add on?

Goats17 · Jun 29, 2006, 12:52 AM // 00:52

How so? I might or I might not. This is a fan-fic, not an RP.

Lady Of Tyria · Jun 29, 2006, 04:06 AM // 04:06

we we can just add on to what u wrote and keep adding on, just going with the same character.

Goats17 · Jun 30, 2006, 11:59 AM // 11:59

I would appreciate you not addind on. This is my fan-fic that I am writing to relieve summer boredom.

Chapter Two. Keep your enemies Close

“No, no, no Kercel! The words are ‘Enum farcioul hercretin Shelter secry justinum.’ Those are the words to summon the spirit of Shelter!” Master Farthlen was angry with Kercel, this was the thrd time he had summoned a spirit of Pain instead of Shelter. He enjoyed causing destruction and suffering too much. He had had many meetings with the other Masters about it, but they refused to expel him. ‘He has too much power, we must shape him to become your successor friend Farthlen’. The amount of times the Ritualist had heard those words was mind-boggling.

“Sorry master, I was …reminiscing…I’ll try harder this time.” Kercel had been remembering when he first applied for tuition at the Island training center. He had been told that he couldn’t become a Ritualist. Because he didn’t have the gift of True Sight, the way to view the Spirit world as well as the Normal world, superimposed on top of each other. But he had shown them. Kercel was a fighter, and became the only human to ever learn how to use True Sight. It had required many spells, and the help of Bindings to be on his head, covering his eyes, for all eternity. But he had done it. “So the words for Shelter are…Enum farcioul Shelter secry jastinum. Right?”

“ No foolish boy, don’t you know that if you mispronounce a syllable while summoning, that you bring an un-chained spirit forth from the Spirit world? Have you not heard that Rodgort dwells there? Do you want to bring him back? He will kill us all. The proper words are Enum farcioul hercretin Shelter secry justinum. With a U, not an A. Tonight you will memorize them, and tomorrow we will resume your restoration magic studies.” Kercel sighed, he knew what was coming now. “ Now, shall we try to make your focus stronger? The spirits that you have managed to summon have been rather weak, I am worried, what if you were in the heat of battle and the Spirit that you had summoned to help your allies suddenly died?” Kercel groaned, he was going to have to explain all over again.

“Master, with all due respect, when am I ever going to be fighting? I am not a member of the Kurzick or Luxon factions…. and Shiro Tagachi is dead, there is no more evil n the world.” He was going to be in trouble for mentioning that last name. Kercel was preparing to summon a sprit of Pain just in case the Maser decided to discipline him.

“You shouldn’t have said the name of the Great Betrayer Kercel. He may return some day, and you would not want to cast your lot with his when he does. He will be crushed. I know it.”

“What, are you a prophet now Master? I think my lessons are done for the day. Unless you want to assign me more homework, I’d like to go and study please.” Kercel had to stifle a laugh. He hadn’t studied for many weeks now. He was achieving top marks in all his lessons. He wanted to go and hang out with his friends. They were planning a camping trip out to Sunqua Vale. He wanted to initiate them into his small following. He was planning on forming a guild when he got back to the Canthan Empire. He had a connection in Kaineng Center, one that could help him get a Guild Hall, Emblem, and register the name, all for free. But first he needed the people that would help him.

Goats17 · Jul 03, 2006, 06:27 PM // 18:27

Any comstructive critiscism or comments however, are very much appreciated.

Chapter Three. The Beginning of the Ranks.

Fallacy had not wasted her time while her son was learning. She was joining together the forces the forces of the legendary Am Fah and Jade Brotherhood. An Army had to be gathered to destroy the Ministry. There was a hidden agenda behind her though. She wanted to recruit the best members for the new guild that her son was starting. Shiro’s Ranks, she loved the name. They would be the most feared guild in all of Cantha. Just because of their name, they would be infamous before they even did anything.

Fallacy had gathered the two groups together one night, and spoke to them.
“Silent Am Fah, Mighty Jade Brotherhood, I come to you with a proposition. A chance to join one of the strongest guilds ever created. One of the most evil, vile guilds in the history of Cantha. However, you will have to prove yourself to be admitted. I will only take the most intelligent, the most silent, the most deadly, and the strongest into Shiro’s Ranks. For we will carry on the glorious work that Shiro did, we will destroy the Empire and set up a dictatorship. We will rule!”
There was much murmuring throughout the crowd after this speech. Fallacy waited for most of it to die down before finishing.
“ Now, we shall have a contest to see who gains the honour of working for us. Whoever commits the most deadly crimes, the most intelligent crimes. The most evil crimes, shall advance, those who don’t…will die. Do not take this test lightly. If you are unsure of your abilities, back away now. But, if the Empire hears anything of our plans, I will know who informed them, and the punishment will be so horrible, that the person will scream and beg for death before it even begins. It begins tomorrow, My assistants and I will be watching for your deeds.”

With those last words, the seals holding the doors closed broke, and the two guilds were released. Out into the city of Kaineng. Out to kill, steal and undermine the very soul of the Canthan Empire. The Am Fah preferred to hide in the Shadows and kill their targets with their necrotics and shadow warriors. The Jade Brotherhood, on the other hand, showed their strength in full force. Their warriors prowled the streets, their Mages directly behind them, incinerating all that was left of the mangled corpses that the warriors left behind. Only one guild, one that Fallacy didn’t even know was in the competition, used the power of infiltration to cause their mayhem. The Outcasts, a group of broken Luxons, began to weaken the Empire from within. Everything was going according to Fallacy’s plan. She was going to be one of the greatest powers in the whole world of Cantha.

ZenRgy · Jul 03, 2006, 06:40 PM // 18:40

In chapter two, the use of modern day slang sort've broke a story a little, just my opinion.

A good read so far. Also... Cantha and Tyria are different lands, so unless they're going to move onto Tyria... the last sentence is abit incorrect.

Goats17 · Jul 03, 2006, 08:26 PM // 20:26

I guess. I was under the impression that the world was called Tyria, and Cantha and Tyria were just continents. But it does make sense now that someone has pointed it out.

ZenRgy · Jul 04, 2006, 04:54 AM // 04:54

I think I'm right... might want to double check it.

Goats17 · Jul 14, 2006, 04:54 AM // 04:54

Ok, well Gaile might have said otherwise, but I changed it. I've been busy with camps, expect a new chapter by Monday.

d3kst3r · Jul 20, 2006, 10:32 AM // 10:32

wow nice to see you writing a story of your own. keep up the good work and hope you find lots of inspiration :P

Goats17 · Jul 24, 2006, 12:39 AM // 00:39

Thanks Dekster, that means alot to me. I kinda lied......Damn summer camps! And I'm going away for two weeks on saturday. But I will get a chapter out to you this week. Maybe two. I'm not sure.

Goats17 · Jul 26, 2006, 12:41 AM // 00:41

Chapter Four. Graduation

Kercel wandered around Tsumei Village looking for shady characters hiding in the shadows. He stared down the malevolent pickpockets so that they left. He whispered words into those engaged in brawls. All crime and unrest was gone from the towns of Shing Jea Island. And the Masters thought that Kercel had finally turned over a new leaf. From troublesome delinquent to righteous vigilante. And Kercel wanted to just tell them the truth so that they would stop praising him. The truth was that he had sent them all to the perfect area for a harbour. It was in Panjiang Peninsula, and he planned to base his new guild’s Shing Jea operations there.

He had spent the last few weeks tracking these scoundrels, and learning what he could promise them to turn them from unsavoury to pure evil. His two lieutenants had helped greatly in this. And it was a shame that he was going to order his men to kill them. But it wasn’t good business to employ friends. Especially one’s that knew your weaknesses. An accident could be arranged at the Port, they were very opposed to the safety laws. Well, it was time to start reviewing the histories of these men in more detail to determine which would be his new right-hand man. And study for his final exam. Graduation was 4 days away.

**********

“And for this, Kercel…You have received this award. The Turnaround Trophy is one of the greatest awards here at our academy. It represents a student who was on the path to expulsion, and managed to turn their attitude around. You have my congratulations. As well as the respect of the entire council of Masters. But, don’t belive that it is just the award winners that that speech is directed to. It is to all of you. The strong Warriors, the powerful Elementalists, the peaceful Rangers, the dark Necromancers, the divine Monks, the communal Ritualists, the quickminded Mesmers, and the silent Assassins. We are proud of you, and whatever you choose to do, be it a nomadic Luxon or a persevering Kurzick, we hope that you will remember what we taught you here other than your original lessons. The values of honour and courage. The new Celestial Empire will need people like you, Cantha will survive the Jade wind tragedy. It will be reborn!” The Master of Speeches turned from his spot and sat with the other Masters, they all gave a polite clap and then left the stage. Leaving the students to talk with their families.

Kercel just stared, and he thought that the Masters might have found out what he was doing. He had no idea why, but he was paranoid.

storm of daeth · Aug 03, 2006, 11:46 PM // 23:46

great story goats can't wait for more chapters

Goats17 · Aug 12, 2006, 09:19 PM // 21:19

Thanks. Goddamn camp was fun. Working on a new chapter now.

Mera Regila · Aug 13, 2006, 04:36 AM // 04:36

I thought the Am Fah and the Jade Brotherhood hated eachother. Why would they fight alongside eachother? Besides that there are no errors i suppose. Good story.

Silk Weaver · Aug 20, 2006, 07:58 AM // 07:58

Smells a little bit Mary Sue... well, not really.

Not "little", that is. Mostly it's the language, a bit awkward, going between slang, archaic, and even game lingo. So that's the priority problem, if you're looking to improve it.

Also, some grammatic issues. Proof-read and spell check.

Arkantos · Aug 20, 2006, 08:27 AM // 08:27

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mera Regila

I thought the Am Fah and the Jade Brotherhood hated eachother. Why would they fight alongside eachother? Besides that there are no errors i suppose. Good story.

The Luxon and The Kurzicks hated eachother, and they fought alongside eachother too.

Livingston · Aug 20, 2006, 09:05 AM // 09:05

If you're serious about this story, I would suggest putting it somewhere else online as well. That way you can add a chapter to this thread when you have a new one, and then add the link each time to a place where you have all the chapters togather. That way when this thread gets to be 10+ pages long, people won't have to wade through page after page of comments just to find the story part.

Just something to think about as I've done something like this before.

Livingston

ZennZero · Sep 11, 2006, 05:57 PM // 17:57

I would generally shy away from a fanfic written by a guy with a name like goatseventeen.

If you don't know what I am referencing, you have led a fortunate and sheltered existence.