Curse

Hell Razorzz · Aug 26, 2006, 01:37 AM // 01:37

This is a story I wrote based on my Minion Master, Lira Hell Raiser. I made up the Alliance battle featured, it isn't a true story

. Well, here it goes, all 1,277 words of it.

___________________________________________

The Blood of the Master
By: Lira The Hell Raiser

___________________________________________

I gripped my staff, the powerful weapon I had looted from the body of Ghial the Bone Dancer. My measly group of four people—me, a Necromancer specializing in taming powerful minions from the realm of the dead, a Monk of Dwayna, trained in the art of healing and protecting his allies, an Elementalist trained in the power of the destructive flame, and a Warrior wielding a bright blade in the name of Balthazar—we all stood before the closed gate. Aerogwyn, the Monk began to chant his powerful lasting enchantments of healing. We were mere seconds away from the greatest battle between the Kurzicks and the Luxons in the history of their rivalry.

Marc, the Warrior, turned and whispered to me, “Lira, stand back out of the battle. I’ll get you the corpses you need.”

The gate flung open, and all three groups of Kurzicks rushed out to claim as many territories for our faction as possible. Hell was unleashed.

The path to the first base was clear. We waited for a group of base defenders. Soon after their arrival, a group of Luxons appeared from over the hill. Baerowyn, the Elementalist, focused her power on becoming attuned to flame. She also conjured an aura of restoration, so that she could heal throughout the battle. Aerogwyn began rhythmically chanting, and in seconds his enchantment was ready to help us block attacks.

Marc sprinted towards the group, calling his target as the enemy monk. Baerowyn cleared a path for Marc with a well placed meteor. Marc’s blade flashed, fire rained from the sky, prayers of healing could be heard, and still I had done nothing.

Marc struck with one last final thrust, and the monk fell to the ground, dead. Only seconds after the monk died, I began manipulating the source of true magic: Death. The corpse began to spasm, its limes flailing out of control. With a blastoff magic, a massive golem burst from the corpse. I sent one strong compulsion into its mind: Kill. The towering golem stormed the enemy Elementalist. It struck with incredible force, soon forcing the spellcaster to his knees.

An Assassin charged from the shadows—he had been waiting for an opportune moment to strike, and as Marc was fending off an enemy Warrior, now was his time.

He shadow stepped to Aerogwyn’s location, unleashing a powerful attack. I attempted to control my golem, but the compulsion to kill was too strong, he remained obsessed with the Elementalist. With Aerogwyn having to focus his healing on himself, Marc began to weaken and slow. The enemy Warrior pressed his advantage. In a one on one fight, the other Warrior would have been doomed, but Marc was already severely weakened from the attacks of the Elementalist.

In the end, it was Baerowyn who saved us all. I heard him chanting a spell, and mere seconds after he had begun; a massive meteor was speeding towards the Assassin. He was knocked off of his feet, and before he could even get up, he burst into flames. Lacking a monk of his own, the Assassin attempted to dash away, but ran right in to a shower of meteors. This was all the poor man could take, and he slumped against a large rock—another minion.

My golem had already finished off the Elementalist, increasing my small army, and lumbering over to help Marc finish off the Warrior.

With the Assassin out of the way, Aerogwyn was able to focus his powers on Marc. I could tell that Marc was almost dead, but Aerogwyn had one last desperate spell: he gave Marc some of his own life.

The power flowed into Marc, saving him from the brink of death—and becoming one of my minions. Infused with new life, Marc went into a frenzy. With this attack speed, Marc could no longer parry, increasing the damage that he would take, but of course, Aerogwyn was there with a remedy: he focused all of his healing and protecting spells on Marc, negating most of the damage that he took. The enemy Warrior soon became one of my minions, upping my mini-army’s ranks to four.

While this battle had been raging, our Kurzick allies had also been hard at work. The tide of battle was in our favor. Bases were lost, but captured again soon after. Many Luxons fell to us, only to be resurrected back at their base. Unfortunately, we couldn’t hold our advantage for long. The Luxons regrouped, and began working as one massive group. Cowardly, but it worked. This group of twelve easily wiped out any singular group of Kurzicks. We stayed separated, allowing us to capture more than one base at a time, but this tactic wouldn’t work for long. Something had to be done—and I knew that I was the one to do it. Their base defenders continually fell to cold steel and raging fire, and my army kept growing. Assassin, Monk, Warrior, Mesmer, it made no difference. They were all added to the ranks. I had soon gathered the number of minions that I could safely control. These ten undead creatures would fight until they were allowed—or forced—to rest in peace.

Unfortunately none of us were invincible. Soon, everyone in my group had added to my army, and my trusted minions and I stood alone. It would only be minutes before my allies would rejoin the fight, but that was long enough for me to fall in battle. My only protection was my true unfailing friends: my minions. Either we would triumph, or we would take many of our enemies down with us before we died.

My friends were beginning to feel the hits they were taking for me, and I sliced open the back of my hand, the power infused in my blood—the blood of the master—healed them from even this distance.

My minions were fully healed up, and we were ready for battle. I went to capture the next base, but a group of Luxon Elementalists and Mesmers were already there. I sent my minions into the battle, and they began to desecrate the enemy forces. One by one they fell to my friends, until all four people were lying dead on the ground.
I waited there for the base defenders, healing my minions as I waited. They would not die while I still had blood to heal them.
A group of Mesmers appeared, preparing to guard the base. Unfortunately, they were followed by a group of enemy Warriors and Monks. The Mesmers began to steal the energy from the enemy Monks and my minions charged their Warriors. Unfortunately, the Mesmers couldn’t keep the Monks occupied for long. My minions began to fall, one by one, and soon only my golem was left alive. I slit open the back of my hand, one last desperate measure, but my golem still fell. I cursed under my breath, since no group of casters, especially those as unskilled as the defenders could hold off this group of skilled warriors. We Kurzicks were about to win, so I did all I could to defend this base.

Sadly, a warrior severed one of my arteries in my arm, and I was soon weakened horribly. I did my best to heal, but I couldn’t hold up versus these warriors.

My vision began to grey, and I knew that I would soon fall for the last time. I knew also that the Kurzicks would win even without me. I fought valiantly, but fell, my blood spilling across the battlefield, mixing with the blood of friends and enemies.

The Blood of the Master.

Monk Mystic · Aug 26, 2006, 05:06 AM // 05:06

damn.
thats pretty frieking awesome. have you ever considered writing for GW lol. im pretty sure you do a hell of a lot of a better job than the guys they have now. that was as good if not better than the little pre-story thign we got in the prophesies instruction booklet. anywaz very nice.

Hell Razorzz · Aug 26, 2006, 05:52 AM // 05:52

Hey, tks. I actually wrote this story in just about a week. Im thinking that next time I start a new character, I'm gonna try to just write staraight along witht he game. Also, i dont think a-net will take 15 year olds to write the manuals :-p. Neways, tks for the comment, and i hope to get more stories out soon.

Hell

doinchi · Aug 26, 2006, 05:53 AM // 05:53

Very well written. Good job man.

Storm Crow · Aug 26, 2006, 12:24 PM // 12:24

It took you a week to write that? Call me rude, opinionated, biased, whatever, something that long could take me five minutes to an hour at most depending on the circumstances...Well written, but it got boring half way through and I quit reading. Try using more adjectives in some places, maybe it's just me, but, too many adjectives are much better than too few...><

BowLad21 · Aug 26, 2006, 01:33 PM // 13:33

I began reading, then noticed a bit of inconsistency. Such as, when you say: measly, then move to powerful while describing a part of the measly group?
But the rest was pretty good, it added a bit more to Guild Wars corpse control, and I laughed a bit when you mentioned two warriors fighting.

Hell Razorzz · Aug 26, 2006, 05:01 PM // 17:01

Alright, i've read through all the comments, and i have a few replys:

Tks doinchi for the nice comment.

Storm Crow: first thing, im a sophomore in high school, and the teachers seem to think that the busier we are, the better off we are.... lol, so i may get to write like 5 minutes in a period.... maybe. I do write some at home, but im usually playin gw lol... also, this is still the first draft... im gonna keep updating it. I've already noticed a few typos, and i'm going to go back and fix them. And man, dont quit halfway through... i like the end the best.. lol umm... and tks for the advice

BowLad21: what i meant was that the minions were powerful, but i messed up when i used measly, i meant small.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BowLad21

and I laughed a bit when you mentioned two warriors fighting.

is that a good thing or a bad thing

lol if its a good thing, then well... tks.

Anyways, keep up the comments, good or bad. Like i said, this is still the first draft, and I would like to keep updating it.

Monk Mystic · Aug 27, 2006, 10:12 PM // 22:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by Storm Crow

It took you a week to write that? Call me rude, opinionated, biased, whatever, something that long could take me five minutes to an hour at most depending on the circumstances...Well written, but it got boring half way through and I quit reading. Try using more adjectives in some places, maybe it's just me, but, too many adjectives are much better than too few...><

lol ill call you all three. if itll take you 5 minutes, then take the 5 minutes and post a story and we'll judge it against hells. and for a sophmore im pretty sure that his/hers is pretty damn good. not to flame you but if youre gonna say that plz take the time and back it up.

anywaz, hells maybe they should hire 15 year olds lol. cause i know a lot of older people that cant write worth of crap.

Ristaron · Aug 28, 2006, 07:37 AM // 07:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by Storm Crow

It took you a week to write that? Call me rude, opinionated, biased, whatever, something that long could take me five minutes to an hour at most depending on the circumstances...Well written, but it got boring half way through and I quit reading. Try using more adjectives in some places, maybe it's just me, but, too many adjectives are much better than too few...><

I think all three sum up your attitude, and I can think of more. This young writer obviously doesn't have the free time or experience writing that you claim. Does this give you the right to demean his efforts? Personally, I was impressed. The character had a lot more depth than some of the ones I've seen created by certain people (still mainly directing this post at StormCrow), and I was rather astonished to hear that he was only 15. Did you write that well when you were 15? Probably not.
And if it would take you 5 minutes to write, surely you could spare an extra sixty seconds to finish reading the piece and realize that it does have a charming ending.

Hell Razorzz, while I enjoyed the piece, I have to agree with one thing StormCrow suggested: adjectives. Your wording was excellent, and your concept development greatly outshines that of some people (still nudging this back at the one who so heartlessly critisizes things that don't measure to their standards), but there wasn't very much description of anything except 'the big picture'.
Keep writing, you show promise.

Storm Crow · Aug 28, 2006, 05:12 PM // 17:12

To the above post:

First, I will have you note that I did not write that well when I was fifteen, because I am thirteen, and I don't think anyone has invented a process that can age you three years, otherwise I might know something about that.

You may also know that I have a short attention span for things that do not grab my interest quickly. Personally, I think Hell should revise his work in the time he has, and make a bit more of a punch toward the beginning. If you could add a bit of color to this otherwise seemingly black and white picture, it would do wonders (not to say that black and white is a bad thing, for certain things need to be left in as minimal detail as possible).

Now, for the comment about my characters not having depth..That is a bit demeaning to the characters themselves, not to me personally, but to the characters. I work from what the characters give me, and if they want to hold something back about their personalities, backgrounds, feelings, whatever, they hold it back. I do not push them into doing anything they do not want to do, or would feel comfortable with under whatever circumstances the storyline creates. It is not my business to give my characters a voice, it is their own decision. (And before you go about saying that the characters are under my control, for they are my creation, go read the latest post in my Random Poetry thread. That should sum everything up for you.)

And, dearest Ristaron, I suggest you do some research into the Member Page of anyone you post about, before just assuming their age. First, because it is rude to assume anything, and secondly because it may surprise you that you cannot tell a person's age just from reading a post and judging their vocabulary.

Monk Mystic · Aug 28, 2006, 07:45 PM // 19:45

wow first of all storm crow 13 + 3=16 not 15 good try though. second of all i have yet to see a story here. i know its been at LEAST 5 minutes since i posted that response so if youre so quick where is your amazing story??
also are you literally crazy??whats this shit about the characters holding back their personalities from you??you DO know that YOURE the one writing about them and making the characters who they are right??if not PM me and i can attempt find a psychologist talented enough to fix you. also i think you might wanna get yourself checked for ADD. (no offense to you hells) but the story wasnt long enough to read the "beggining" and lose interest. as the whole thing took about 2 minutes to read in its entirety.(this is of course assuming that you have a reading level of 6th grade or above)
and im not sure what ristaron thought when he read your first post but if it makes you feel better i can truly say that I could tell your age and immaturity right off the bat. An older person would have the respect to keep counter productive comments to themselves.

lastly ristadon tru dat man tru dat.
im not going to say that as of right now hells has the ability to create pulitzer prise winning novels. but for his/her age the piece he wrote was quite well done.keep working, and writing could possibly become a big part of your life.

Storm Crow · Aug 28, 2006, 08:07 PM // 20:07

Wow..someone can't understand that 13+3=16, which means I would have experienced age 15, and had time to reinforce my findings while at that age with more writing from age 16... Also, apprently you fail to see my view in the characters point, and since you didn't get it the first time, I won't waste my time and energy explaining it. And, I will not write just because I am told, I write at my choosing. I'm not a typewriter, nor will I ever be one, so stop trying to command me with your worthless ideas for "judging" when it would be biased, and you would obviously choose Hell's over mine. Not to say that Hell's wouldn't deserve it, but the panel would be ranked in his favor, so I won't even bother.

Hell Razorzz · Aug 28, 2006, 10:15 PM // 22:15

<---trys not to get involved :-p

Storm, i've read some of your poetry, and i think its actually prettygood, i havent had time to read it all, as they blocked gw guru at school :-( but i've read a little bit, and what i have read seems to be awesome for someone only thirteen years old.

Ristaron/Storm: I also agree with the adjectives... as i said, this is a "rough draft", and i dont get on mycomputer all that much, except playing gw, since i'm trying to cap gladiators defense on my warrior :-p... as soon as i get an updated copy, I'll post it here.

Monk: tks for all the great comments.

Everyone: keep on with the critic, I'm a little rusty at short stories, these teachers like essays better....

Also, storm, I'll try to explain about the character thing you were talking about:

When you're writing a story, you dont just come up with everything about the characters off of the top of your head. You let the character choose his own life, his own way. A lot of people dont understand that when you write a story, you're just giving the characters choices, and what goes best along with their personalities, you write. People say that since you're writing the story, you should know everything about your character, but a story I'm going to post soon, called The Flame, throws that theory out the window: I dont even know the characters name. That story needs some work, since i wrote it to beat writers block. Anyways, i hope what i just wrote helped out with the misunderstandings, please just critic my work, dont compare me to others, or say that people need to see a shrink, since they have "strange" ideas. I'm not saying that I don't apreciate that you're standing up for my work, I just want unbiased opinions, good or bad.
Hell

ps: im a guy... might take a little off of your typing load: no more his/her :-p

Storm Crow · Aug 28, 2006, 11:50 PM // 23:50

Exactly right, Hell. I just listen to what they tell me. I typically don't even know their names until I just let go and let it come to me. Once I have their names established, I can typically ask them to tell me their story, and they usually comply without too much delay (they seem to like the shower best, sometimes even study hall, hehe ^^). Sometimes, they even like to tell me through songs (Specifically my two newest characters, Jadyn and Sikara. They seemed to enjoy a story loosly based on two songs by Pink.). After that, I can create the world they've shown me through words. Somtimes it's hard because they want to talk when I'm too busy, and I push them aside, then I end up loosing a bit of their story because of it, and then I have to fill it in with my own ideas, which detracts from the overall sense of the storyline.

But, more on topic, I finished reading the story, and it was quite interesting toward the end. Somehow it seemed...unfinished, as if it's edge was still raw. Though this is understandable for it being a rough draft. I do hope to see more of this, but remember: Adjectives!

Underworld Calling · Aug 28, 2006, 11:57 PM // 23:57

Lol this is really really sad.

Hell tried to share his personality with us by writing something that we could enjoy (i really really liked it because I play a mm most of the time).

All he wanted was some comments and now you are flaming at eachother about what age people are and what age people write at.

This thread was a rough draft and you guys just keep flaming and flaming.

Keep up the good work Hell.

and to the other people:
stop flaming at everyone

thanks

Monk Mystic · Aug 29, 2006, 04:43 PM // 16:43

i understand the character thing, thats how i write too(what little writing i do btw) however my only point was that storm seems to take it a little overboard. that twas my meaning. Having his characters sing to him and tell him things sounds a little schizophrenic to me.

lol underworld id love to.

Storm Crow · Aug 29, 2006, 09:02 PM // 21:02

I never said that my characters sing to me or tell me their stories, I meant that they portrayed themselves through songs, telling me that their story is like a particular set of lyrics, and that they tell me about themselves subconciously, they don't actually speak in my head. I think I'd know if I Skitzophrenia (spelling? Bah...><), or ADD as one of Mystic's previous statements accused me of. I just have about a minute long attention span unless something is tried and true to my liking. ^^ No offense to anyone...><

Monk Mystic · Aug 29, 2006, 09:14 PM // 21:14

allright im gonna leave this alone.(o and no people dont always even have a clue their schiztophrenic but w/e)

Hell Razorzz · Sep 05, 2006, 02:33 AM // 02:33

Ok. A few things:
I am having horrible luck. First, on thursday, my HD crashed. So my computers in Best Buy, getting a new HD. Second, i cut my finger wide open, so its hard to type (LOL!).

tks everyone for participating in this, but idk if im going to be able to expand upon this story any time soon. I'm working on it, but i just cant seem to get what i want on the paper..... (curse you writers block!!)... i guess when i get my computer back im gonna have to sit down, and just write. thats the only way i can beat writers block, but if it doesnt succeed, then im just gonna have to work on my other story that needs expanding (i mentioned it earlier i think, titled The Flame), Its about 10 times as rough as this one, so... itl probably be a week or so before i can even think of how im going to fix it (so what if im a slow writer!!!???)... well, thats all i can think of atm. the worst thing is my comp hd crashing, since my dads comp has a terrible graphics card and cant run gw... ugh... oh well. latr everyone, and i'll try to update asap.

Hell

Oh yeah, Storm, noone thinks ur a schizo >.> :-D

Ristaron · Sep 05, 2006, 06:41 PM // 18:41

No, Storm, you told us they talk to you.

And since we're on the topic of characters once again, you really have no right to tell anyone about how fantastic yours are. They're all 1-dimensional and stereotypical.
*cough* 5'10 110lbs *cough* anorexic *cough* unoriginal *cough*

Give me a break.