Curse

Darky_shady · Jan 12, 2007, 03:16 AM // 03:16

So here it is! Whoever read my first chapter will know what I'm talking about. This chapter will definitely confuse you but it's normal

. You'll understand everything as long as the story goes on

So here it is and have fun reading it.

Chapter 2: The Beginning & The History

It all started in a small town named Bracovoch located in the North-East woods of the Xylon continent. In 23 BC ("Before the Cataclysm", which refers to the summoning of Leviathan), Mrs. Noreen gave birth to a little elfic boy called Riordan. That boy had hazelnut colored eyes, a light soft skin and darked brown hair. Unfortunately, 3 years after the birth of Riordan came his drakinfe brother Xakery. The father of these kids was named Varick. Varick was a human and one of the 2 Barons who came right after the King, who was the highest in the hierarchy. The Barons were: Baron Irem the Celestial Elf from the City of Celeste and Baron Varick the Honorable from the Castle of Zebulon. King Aram of Vasska, which is his real name, was young and had been throned 2 years ago, in 25 BC. His father, the renowned human named as King Balthasar of Vasska , yield the throne of the incredible Fortress of Naresh to his son who was only 18 years old.

In 56 BC, the troops of King Balthasar moved on the Gersemi continent to invade the majestuous City of Celeste. War started. The Celestians were well prepared. They had an army of 1,000 footmans, 700 archers, 200 cavaliers and 13 catapults. But they didn't stand a chance against the King's army which constituted at least 2,500, if not more, footmans, 1,300 archers, 500 cavaliers and about 20 catapults. King Balthasar was taking the lead of this battle until an army of Tharokes (Little demonic goblin-like creatures with wings, red flaming eyes and monstrous fangs and claws), rising from the waters of the Unholy Abyss, ambushed both of the armies. The Unholy Abyss is a continent with a volcano that was formed from the explosion of a gigantic submarine volcano. Baron Irem rapidly showed the white flag to the King and he asked help to slay these creatures. King Balthasar had no choice but to accept. If he refused, he wouldn't be able to win that war since his army fell a bit. Lord Varick, who was in Bracovoch, heard about the news and immediately left for Zebulon, on the Xylon continent, to gather a quick army. With approximately 1,000 men (most of them were half lings), he left Zebulon and started to think which way to go. He could take the Path of the Dead, but he would lose to much men. The Path of the Dead was a long continent named like that because a majestic terrifying wyvern lived in the Unholy Abyss and always patrols the continent. A legend said: "One will be able to tame Kabaki. To do so, almost put him to death you must." A lot of Dragon Masters tried. Most of them got killed before, some got killed by Kabaki himself, some were missing and a few escaped. Those who escaped are convinced they saw a female version of Kabaki, but that would be lies. Lies to prevent hunters to go tame the wyvern.

It was a difficult choice for Varick, should he dare pass by the Path of the Dead and hope that Kabaki wouldn't show or should he take the long way over the Dreadful Mountains and across the Batzorig Plains. He chose the long way. He was certain that the King's Army could last at least 4 days without reinforcements. As he started his way, the battle on the other side of the world was brutal. Corpses were laying everywhere. Human and Tharoke corpses, but mostly Tharoke ones because a good catapult shot would kill 5-6 of the creatures. The background was horrible. Tharoke put on fire everything they saw. They were almost fighting in the fire itself. It was very rough. As the battle continued, Varick and his army reached the top of the Dreadful Mountains and had to go downward now. Alas, Kabaki, who was patrolling, smelled a lot of fresh meat and decided to go and see. As they started their descend, Varick pointed Kabaki and said: "One day, I will tame that wyvern.". That's when a dwarven footman shouted: "He's coming to us!". That was terrible. Kabaki leaving his nest to go hunting in the frozen mountains. He is not a simple wyvern. He masters the Frost, the Lightning, the Fire and the Poison. He is 27 feet long and 15 feet high. He has blood colored scales, huge jaws and a deadly poison spreading tail. He has 2 gigantic horn on his forehead and a deadly breath. Wherever he goes, he adapts himself to the land. That would have to be a deadly fight.

Letting a huge Lightning Bolt out of his mouth, the group automatically spreaded out. Getting hit by that would be one the fastest death you could imagine. The archers fired their arrow and one of the arrow hit him in the eye. Nothing happened except that he did a toxic gas breath which infected 174 footmans, 92 archers and 44 cavaliers. The infected humans died right after they breathed another time. No time to waste, Varick had to flee from this battle because he wouldn't get out of it alive. He ordered his troop to move out. They ran as fast as possible. The arrow finally did some effect slowing down the wyvern in his chase since it was itching him. Kabaki finally caught up and swinged his tail knocking down 61 men. That was the end of those 61 innocent victims. There was only 629 men left when they reached the Batzorig Plains. Kabaki stopped chasing them because he knew that if he went further in the plains, he'd get hunt down by a gigantic army so he went back the other way, with 37 dead soldiers between his claws.

Two days have passed by and the King's Army was going to retreat until Varick arrived with 629 soldiers, ready to fight. With 783 men left, the King's Army would now total 1412 persons. 1412 vs 900, the fight wouldn't be easy. With no catapults left, they had to fight with all they had, but the Tharokes retreated right after they went down to 1224 vs 426. Kabaki who saw the Tharokes flying back in blood took his chance and took down 217 more while the rest flew away and disappeared in the volcano. King Balthasar was filled with happiness. He now possesses the Gersemi, the Batzorig Plains and the Xylon continents. He also won versus the Tharokes thanks to Varick, who was named Baron by King Balthasar when they got back to the Fortress of Naresh.

Thank you and comments are appreciated

.

Darky_shady · Jan 17, 2007, 04:06 AM // 04:06

Comments are really appreciated.. I'm looking forward to continue this but I need critics first. Thanks.

Unreal Cyn · Jan 22, 2007, 03:08 AM // 03:08

Well it's good that you put in some spaces in the text and ting! But for the subject matter all I can say is that I think you achieved what you set out to do, which was to give some brief background to your world. But, man, in the context of your first chapter, this doesn't really explain much to me, but I'm sure that you know what you're doing. I had to read it over a few times to understand it correctly, but hey, it was late and I was pretty tired. If you want me to be picky, I guess I can say that they were some grammatical errors, like 'most fastest death', which doesn't sound right to me.

Besides that, I think I can see the Final Fantasy influence at the end part, with the whole numbers scenario (like where you have 1224 vs 426). It works here, though, as its a history you're telling. But just keep in mind that sometimes numbers aren't the only factor in battles.

And oh yeah, in future, you don't have to create an entirely new thread to post your chapters. Just post em here, within the post you've already created. Its keeps em all in one place for easy access and folks will then automatically know that they're related, aright?

I hope this helped and that you will continue!

Darky_shady · Jan 22, 2007, 09:41 PM // 21:41

Heh, thanks a lot for the comment. The first chapter is kinda weird I know and this second one is a kind of prologue (or however you spell it) for me. In the first one, you don't really know who the people are, where they come from or more info on them, but I will revealed it all later in the story. For the "most fastest" thing, I removed the most, yep, it didn't sound right. Thanks.

Yep, FF influence

. Sometimes numbers aren't the only factor in battles, I know that, but I didn't wanted it to sound ,like in other stories or whatever, like a miracle. Example: Lord of the Rings. Their army is like the 1/3-1/4 of the monsters army but they still win. I just wanted it to sound realistic, if you know what I mean.

Haha, my bad! Yep I'll just post them all up here.. I think I'll be starting chapter 3 sooner or later because I still have some school projects to end.

Yup it helped me, thanks a lot

. Later!