Curse

Timotheos · Mar 18, 2007, 06:30 AM // 06:30

"May I join your group?"

"No. We' ve no need for Mesmers."

She turned her face away and started walking torward the statue of Lyssa. Once there, she sat down on her favourite spot. This was the third time today she was turned down to join a group. Every day she tried at the Temple of Ages, but nobody accpted her. And every day she sat down beside the statue of Lyssa in anger and frustration.

They called her Illusionary Beauty. Everybody loved her red hair as it danced in the wind. She had trained herself in the arts of Illusion Magic and was quite an experienced Mesmer.

"They turn down someone who can take on Blessed Griffins alone? What idiots. They' ve no idea. Ignorance."

Time passed as she sat there and anger and frustration turned to sadness. Her face, adored by many, turned black with sorrow. She didn' t like it when she was sad, she thought. It made her look like ...Gwen.

She rose her head suddenly. Why would she think of Gwen just like that? There was a Mesmer nearby playing with her mind! She looked around the Temple but found no Mesmers.

She sat back. Why would someone do this to her? And who was it?

As an answer to her question, Avatar of Lyssa suddenly appeared.

"Come with me, child. Let me take you home." it said.

All she could say then was "Wha- " because the Avatar had transported her somewhere, no other hero has been before...

Ok..this is my first post on this forum-ever! Please comment and criticise

There will be a sequel ofcourse.

Timotheos · Mar 19, 2007, 03:18 PM // 15:18

When my eyes finnaly regained sight, I saw a place could never imagine.

I was standing on an island in the middle of a sea of pure chaotic energy. The purple colour of chaos was flashing before my eyes. It was beutiful.

I took my eyes of the beach and looked in front of me. In teh middle of the island was a great tower. It was so high, I didn 't see the top.

I calmed my mind.

"Well, the Avatar brought me here for a reason. Let' s see what it is."

I started walking torward the tower. Wherever I stepped, my footprints seemed to vanish. It seemed the place was more alive than it looked.

After a while i arrived at the tower door. I leaned against it to open it, but to my surprise I fell through. I stood up.

"An illusion. I guess that was to be expected."

I looked around. There was nothing inside except for a big spiraling staircase leading to the top. I approached with caution. It would be unwise to just run up the stairs. If the door was an illusion, why can' t be the stairs? I turned out to be right. Every second step wasn' t actually there.

I proceded up the stairs fast. The tower seemed lower that it did from outside.

When I reached the top of the stairs, I nearly fainted from the surprise that was waiting for me there. I saw someone I never thought I would see again...

My mouth whispered the name "Gwen" ...

No replies? I'm really dissapointed. Is it that boring? Did I write it wrong?
Well just you wait for the third part >:/

Storm Crow · Mar 19, 2007, 08:06 PM // 20:06

Just a note, and I'll post this on other threads I see that have this problem, never post a complaint about not having any replies. If someone wants to post about your story, then they will, and if they don't, they won't. You can't force anyone to read or comment on what you write, remember that.

Also, things written about Gwen, in general don't go over well. Very few become popular, and even then, it's typically just because it's the only active storyline...

Canadian Bacon · Mar 19, 2007, 09:51 PM // 21:51

Quote:

Originally Posted by Storm Crow

Just a note, and I'll post this on other threads I see that have this problem, never post a complaint about not having any replies. If someone wants to post about your story, then they will, and if they don't, they won't. You can't force anyone to read or comment on what you write, remember that.

Also, things written about Gwen, in general don't go over well. Very few become popular, and even then, it's typically just because it's the only active storyline...

My recent thread flies in the face of both of your points. I posted during an off-hour, and no comments were made for a day, so I bumped it myself. There's now, I think, 5 comments, all of them giving good revews.

Yes, my story is about Gwen.

Now, about this story. It's not too bad, but the one thing I noticed is that you switched from third to first person. In part one, you used "she" when referring to your character, but in part two you used "I". Keep going, I'll read more

Timotheos · Mar 23, 2007, 07:24 PM // 19:24

The small figure I recognised as Gwen stood in the middle of the room and beside her were two beings that looked like avatars of Lyssa. She stood there silent, her face turned torward the ground. I could usually tell a lot from a person' s face, but her.... there was something different about it..something of the Gods.

My mouth opened "What is Lyssa' s name is going on? Is it really you, Gwen?"

The little gril rose her face. It hit me like a judgement.

"Illusionary Beauty. Your mind must be in great chaos right now. Just like mine is" her voice echoed through the room.

"Oh what happened to you, poor child? I said as gently as I could as I was still shocked from everything.

"I hear pity. I don' t need pity. I' ve seen too much.

"I' m sorry. I- "

Her voice grew darker as she said those words "I' ve seen it all. I' ve seen what you saw. After I survived the Searing my mind was wrecked. I was just a normal little girl then. But something woke me up and gave me strenght. So I followed you.. just like I said i would. I followed you through the Shiverpeaks and into the jungle. I followed you to the desert, back into the mountains and to the Ring of fire island chain. I saw who you fought and what happened."

"But you couldn' t have! It' s impossible. You were just a little girl...I can' t say that you are now."

"I was phisicly there until we reached Kryta. From there on I couldn' t do it anymore, so I called for help into the sky. Lyssa responded. She took me wherever you went. She saw my will to go on. She could see how strong my will was."

I could only listen to her.

She continued "When you had banished the evil from Tyria, my mind was in complete chaos. I had doomed myself following you. I was to die. But Lyssa knew that one with such will cannot just die, so she saved me. She put me inside my own mind. Where you stand now is my mind, my thoughts, wrapped in chaos."

"But why me? Why choose me?"

"You are a victim of ignorance. All Mesmers are. Lyssa is working to restore the might of the Mesmers. Heroes will come here, to the Throne of Chaos looking for training and experience. They will gain entrance by paying tribute to Lyssa." Her voice suddenly grew magicly loud "And You! You and creatures spawned from chaos shall place judgement on them and their ignorance!"

I stood there, unable to open my mouth. It was too much. This was Gwen, the little girl that followed me when I started my training as a Mesmer? And she was taken by Lyssa and put to rest in her mind? Now I am chosen to stay here and place judgement on heroes, coming here looking for a challenge?
I could feel my mind turning to chaos. I caught my breath and calmed myself.

"Do you accept my offer, Beauty?" she said in a calm voice "They will pay for their ignorance."

She held her small white hand torward me.

I took her hand "yes, they shall."

End.

So there it is, the end. I hope you liked the story.
They say you have to write down your ideas

This is mine.