Curse

Drews0 · Apr 07, 2008, 11:45 AM // 11:45

A Fight in the Dark

The General was tired. The army had been marching all day, and he doubted any of them would get any rest before the confrontation, as the undead king could not be expected to observe the customary day of false attempts at parleys and treaties. It seemed only the Vabians observed these rituals anymore, and then only in their paltrey skirmishes and "shows" put on for the nobility's benefit. In truth, he would have preffered suffering through one of those terribly ceremonial duels, with all the nobles laughing and drinking at the sidelines while men tried to show their strength in order to gain the rank of bodyguards, than to face what he was about to do. For his was no mean task. His was the task of drawing out Palawa Joko's army. Leading it into the valley to expose their back lines so that Warmarshal Ossa could attempt a desperate attack on the Undead King himself.
He new his duty to his Warmarshal, and therefore had not branched when the order was given, but now, in his tent after a long final day's march, the enormity of his task struck home. His choices became clear. The only way to have enough men to tempt Joko's army out into the field was to deploy all the army, save the force sent with Lord Ossa.
The General was no fool however, and new that even with the whole of the army, he would still have only a meager chance of winning the day, and none of winning the war, for surely his losses would be immense, and therefore Joko's gains be similar in size. Not to mention the problem of fighting one's own friend's corpse.
No, the task was simple, and terrifying in it's simplicity. All that long night Tonglan kept vigil, though he knew he should sleep. His thoughts growing calmer by the minute, as he accepted his destiny, then surging ahead in a desperate hope that he could devise some plan, some strategy, that would save the army and himself.
That night was long for the General, yet, no matter how long night can last, dawn shall always follow, and that day was no exception, as the sun dawned over the Grand Cataract of Jahai.

Death in a Valley

*
As the sun rose, the army stood with it, as the undead scourge clamoured in front of them, just out of range. They screeched and snarled, peices of flesh falling to the ground every time one moved. Some could not screech, for their jaws had fallen apart, and the noise they emitted was terrible and gruesome, like the gargling of an Heket, but with something terrible, something terrifying, added to the mix.
The men stood firm, safe in the knowledge that no matter how terrifying the enemy was, it was threatening Elona, and therefore they must either destroy it, or let Elona fall. Their courage was bolstered by the sight of their General, who paced between the lines, holding up faint legs and hearts. At last the Undead King's forces dropped to all fours, some collapsing to the ground as their arms fell off, and charged. The mass of roiling flesh and sinew hit the wall of men like a wave of sludge, suffocating some through sheer numbers. The battle seemed lost in the first moments, but Tonglan rallied them to his banner, laying about with his hammer, which gave off a golden glow in the midst of the coiling mounds of flesh. The fighting intesified, the undead assuming their own distinct forms once again, attacking with sharpened bone and nails, bringing down many a noble defender through their numbers. Then Suddenly Turai Ossa appeared on the field, weilding a sword able to cleave through three undead at a time, leading his legion of heroes. He cut through the undead from the esat, driving through them like a knife and cutting their forces in two. He then turned and took the fight to the now surrounded battallions of undead, who were to stupid to realise they were being cut down from the rear. The rest retreated before the Warmarshal, as even their pitiful intelligence acknowledged a near invincible foe. The General and the Warmarshal met on the field that day, and the Warmarshal met the the eyes of the General, and at that moment the General knew his choice. As the Warmarshal continued on past the army, drawing many murmurs of fear from his troops, who knew nothing of his plans, the General simply stood, sword grasped in weak fingers, finally at peace.
Then tired fingers tightened on the sword. It was raised above a tired head, and a huge warcry erupted from a parched mouth, and the men that had once formed the mightiest army in Elona surged forward. The forces met again with a thunderous crash, and the killing began.
That battle was to last many days, but of this the General knew nothing. His now nerveless fingers hacked through nights on end, followed by days of taking blows on his shield. But still the General ignored time. His mind was content with what his life had been, and had accepted death, his body was a meer continuation of what was already finished. Fighting in the vanguard for days and nights took it's toll though, as the mind may be limitless, but the body is not. The General was surrounded, on what was the fourth dy of the fight. As the undead closed in he looked to around hiimself, becoming aware of the dead and dying that had once been his army. His mind, that had been content all through his ordeal, despaired, and he suddenly was wraught with fear. Then his gaze went to the north, to a bridge at the other end of the valley, where two figures were locked in combat. In what may have been the last gift of the Gods to a dying man his sight was such that it seemed he could see a sword plunged into one of the figures. A figure falling from the bridge. A figure slamming into the ground. A figure with no blood. The General smiled, his mind and heart calmed once more; and closed his eyes.

There ya go, first drft btw, but you get the idea, let me know what you think
Originally posted by me on Zealots of the Shiverpeaks homepage

Pesi · Apr 07, 2008, 12:58 PM // 12:58

Cheers mate I like it.
You'r a good writer keep it up

[Morkai] · Apr 07, 2008, 03:04 PM // 15:04

Pretty cool, your descriptive tools are quite impressive.

For a first draft it's quite nice, a supplement to a story we already know. I think you could work on the time part of it though, as at first we're being told about what is happening currently, and then it skips to "for endless days and nights" which kinda contrasted a bit.

Just my few thoughts.

Drews0 · Apr 08, 2008, 09:00 AM // 09:00

Yep, I get kinda dreamy timewise

at the time it seemed like a good way of describing his perception of the night or something like that but I agree, probably should redefine the timescaling,
Thanks for comments