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Old Jan 01, 2007, 07:25 AM // 07:25   #101
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Crow
ho hum...another poem...
Please, tell me that
I'll be okay,
My forgotten love,
Uchiha Sasuke...
Hey, would you look at my username. Lmao. Sasuke... Anyways, nice poems!
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Old Jan 17, 2007, 11:42 PM // 23:42   #102
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Location: With Vanatiel by the Lion's Arch Lighthouse, waiting for the storm with which we are accoustomed
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Really REALLY long poem that took me about an hour total over the last two days to write. Yes, I'm in an extremely bad "I miss you" rut. My longest yet?..

Remember?

Do you remember me, Adam? The one you called "friend"?
Do you remember me, Adam? Your favorite brunette?
Do you remember me, Adam? You were my "soul brother"?
Do you remember me, Adam? The Ice Tooth conversations?
Do you remember me, Adam? Waiting to hear from you?
Do you remember me, Adam? You called me Alicia?
Do you remember me, Adam? Your Lyn? Lady Crow?
Do you remember me, Adam, like I remember you?

Does life overwhelm you? Too much homework?
Does life overwhelm you? Are you fighting with her?
Does life overwhelm you? Got private school blues?
Does life overwhelm you? The ocean calling you?
Does life overwhelm you? Losing your sibling so young?
Does life overwhelm you? Going to hard and fast-paced?
Does life overwhelm you? Do you need an escape?
Does life overwhelm you, like it overwhelms me?

Would you forgive me? If I told you I missed you?
Would you forgive me? If I was too far away?
Would you forgive me? If I said that I cared?
Would you forgive me? If I left you there?
Would you forgive me? If I said too much?
Would you forgive me? If I went to far?
Would you forgive me? If I told you I loved you?
Would you forgive me, if I forgave you?

Would you miss me? If I was gone for a second?
Would you miss me? If I was gone for a day?
Would you miss me? If I left you a week?
Would you miss me? If I didn't see you for a month?
Would you miss me? If our summer went too fast?
Would you miss me? If you had that two-hour limit?
Would you miss me? If she started talking about us?
Would you miss me, like I'd miss you?

Would you laugh at me? If I fell for you?
Would you laugh at me? If I told a bad joke?
Would you laugh at me? If I had a blonde moment?
Would you laugh at me? If my socks didn't match?
Would you laugh at me? If I spilled water on myself?
Would you laugh at me? If, when dyed red, my hair came out pink?
Would you laugh at me? If I tripped over myself?
Would you laugh at me, like I'd laugh at you?

Do you remember me, Adam? The one you called "friend"?
Do you remember me, Adam? Your favorite brunette?
Do you remember me, Adam? You were my "soul brother"?
Do you remember me, Adam? The Ice Tooth conversations?
Do you remember me, Adam? Waiting to hear from you?
Do you remember me, Adam? You called me Alicia?
Do you remember me, Adam? Your Lyn? Lady Crow?
Do you remember me, Adam, like I remember you?

Would you cry for me? If you missed me too much?
Would you cry for me? If you heard that old song?
Would you cry for me? If you reread our story?
Would you cry for me? If my dreams shattered?
Would you cry for me? If my dad went to war?
Would you cry for me? If I lost my brother?
Would you cry for me? If you lost me?
Would you cry for me, if I cried for you?

Would you rush home? If your mom needed you?
Would you rush home? If you left your homework?
Would you rush home? If you had a date?
Would you rush home? If she was to call?
Would you rush home? If it was set afire?
Would you rush home? If you could save just one soul?
Would you rush home? If it would make all the difference?
Would you rush home, if I waited there?

Would your smile be brighter? If she said she loved you?
Would your smile be brighter? If you got your wish?
Would your smile be brighter? If at least one joke was funny?
Would your smile be brighter? If your favorite team won?
Would your smile be brighter? If you watched the sunset?
Would your smile be brighter? If you gazed at the moon?
Would your smile be brighter? If the lightning came in?
Would your smile be brighter, if you thought of me?

Would you comfort me? If I had a migrane?
Would you comfort me? If I was too scared?
Would you comfort me? If I sprained my ankle?
Would you comfort me? If I was post-op recovery?
Would you comfort me? If my grandfather died?
Would you comfort me? If I just needed held?
Would you comfort me? If I cried for no reason?
Would you comfort me, if I comforted you?

Do you remember me, Adam? The one you called "friend"?
Do you remember me, Adam? Your favorite brunette?
Do you remember me, Adam? You were my "soul brother"?
Do you remember me, Adam? The Ice Tooth conversations?
Do you remember me, Adam? Waiting to hear from you?
Do you remember me, Adam? You called me Alicia?
Do you remember me, Adam? Your Lyn? Lady Crow?
Do you remember me, Adam, like I remember you?

Would you fall with me? If you had other things to do?
Would you fall with me? If it would be a wild ride?
Would you fall with me? If you thought it would be fun?
Would you fall with me? To make sure I was safe?
Would you fall with me? If it could kill you?
Would you fall with me? If she told you not to?
Would you fall with me? If I asked you to?
Would you fall with me, if you had the choice?

Can you see me? The pain on my face?
Can you see me? The tears in my eyes?
Can you see me? The stains on my cheeks?
Can you see me? My hands clasped and pleading?
Can you see me? My skirt ripped and torn?
Can you see me? My hair all disheveled?
Can you see me? Looking like I don't care?
Can you see me, like I can see you?

Can you hear me? When the waves beat the sand?
Can you hear me? When the lightning rips the sky?
Can you hear me? When the lone raven calls?
Can you hear me? When the wolves sadly sing?
Can you hear me? When the summer breeze blows?
Can you hear me? When the fire softly crackles?
Can you hear me? When all is silent?
Can you hear me, like I can hear you?

Can you feel me? When the moon's risen high?
Can you feel me? When you smell peaches and mint?
Can you feel me? When the stars shine their brightest?
Can you feel me? When the sky cries its rain?
Can you feel me? When you see the grey-green in her eyes?
Can you feel me? When times are hard?
Can you feel me? When you can't sleep?
Can you feel me, like I can feel you?

Do you remember me, Adam? The one you called "friend"?
Do you remember me, Adam? Your favorite brunette?
Do you remember me, Adam? You were my "soul brother"?
Do you remember me, Adam? The Ice Tooth conversations?
Do you remember me, Adam? Waiting to hear from you?
Do you remember me, Adam? You called me Alicia?
Do you remember me, Adam? Your Lyn? Lady Crow?
Do you remember me, Adam, like I remember you?

Me or her? If somehow she was better?
Me or her? If one loved you more?
Me or her? If one moved too far away?
Me or her? If both invited you?
Me or her? If both claimed your child?
Me or her? If you could save only one?
Me or her? If one you had to kill?
Me or her, Adam, me or her?

Black or white? Which would you prefer?
Black or white? Which is good? Which evil?
Black or white? Which should daylight be?
Black or white? Which would you rather the lillies?
Black or white? Which color beaches are best?
Black or white? Which one seems colder?
Black or white? Which would you rather the snow?
Black or white, Adam, black or white?

Summer or winter? A red or blue sunset?
Summer or winter? Which do you prefer?
Summer or winter? Which is more beautiful?
Summer or winter? Which one seems longer?
Summer or winter? Which one is darker?
Summer or winter? Which is more forgiving?
Summer or winter? Which one seems colder?
Summer or winter, Adam, summer or winter?

Classes or freedom? On which would you grade yourself
Classes or freedom? In which would you rather learn?
Classes or freedom? In which would you act worse?
Classes or freedom? Which would keep her off your mind?
Classes or freedom? Where would you be a lover? A fighter?
Classes or freedom? In which would you think more?
Classes or freedom? Out of which could you sneak?
Classes or freedom, Adam, classes or freedom?

Do you remember me, Adam? The one you called "friend"?
Do you remember me, Adam? Your favorite brunette?
Do you remember me, Adam? You were my "soul brother"?
Do you remember me, Adam? The Ice Tooth conversations?
Do you remember me, Adam? Waiting to hear from you?
Do you remember me, Adam? You called me Alicia?
Do you remember me, Adam? Your Lyn? Lady Crow?
Do you remember me, Adam, like I remember you?
...Like I remember you?...

[EDIT: Added what else has been written so far]

Last edited by Storm Crow; Jan 29, 2007 at 11:05 PM // 23:05..
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Old Jan 29, 2007, 12:02 AM // 00:02   #103
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WE INTERRUPT THIS BROADCAST FOR A SPECIAL REPORT FROM THE GIRL EVERYONE LOVES TO HATE:

Quick question: is this thread being completely ignored by the Fiction's populace? What happened to the fans of this place? Why is it dead here? Does anyone care for this section any more? Where have all the old-school guys gone? Why am I freaking out about something I have no control over?

NOW BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED THREAD.
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Old Feb 12, 2007, 07:56 PM // 19:56   #104
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Profession: Mo/
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You're exeptional.
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Old Feb 12, 2007, 10:03 PM // 22:03   #105
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Location: Garden City, Idaho
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Profession: R/
Default My contribution...

The Search

It is a wonder we can meet at all

In those spaces in between,

With dark fading out of light,

And mist covering up the scene.


Yet there we are reaching out,

Finding familiarity in the abyss

Glimpsing shadows of our selves

And finding a moment's bliss.


All the searching, striving force

Sent outward and ever on,

Goading us to seek a truth

Of a brighter world beyond.




-REH, 2/12/2007
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Old Feb 13, 2007, 03:02 AM // 03:02   #106
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I was creating a poem in my head one day and this is what I thought of:


The Pre-Searing Fighters

We are the future fighters who uphold the city
We are the ones who kill the charr who are not so pretty

We venture off to the small amount of quests
We are the ones who have a dance party in ascalon with no pants

We never find an elite skill
It's hard for us to find something rare to sell

Sometimes we find a rare dye
Sometimes we shout stupid things like "WHO HAS THE RYE?"

We are the future
So your pretty much doomed.




BACK TO REALITY: I know I can't really ryhme close enough and i liked my last line.
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Old Feb 13, 2007, 08:57 AM // 08:57   #107
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This isn't mine, but rather by one of my favorite rappers, almost makes me cry!

----------------------------------------------------------------------


Immortal Technique Lyrics

Dance With The Devil Lyrics


[Verse 1]
I once knew a nigga whose real name was William
His primary concern, was making a million
Being the illest hustler, that the world ever seen
He used to f*ck moviestars and sniff coke in his dreams
A corrupted young mind, at the age of thirteen
Nigga never had a father and his mom was a fiend
She put the pipe down, but every year she was sober
Her sons heart simultaneously grew colder
He started hanging out selling bags in the projects
Checking the young chicks, looking for hit and run prospects
He was fascinated by material objects
But he understood money never bought respect
He build a reputation 'cause he could hustle and steal
But got locked once and didn't hesitate to squeal
So criminals he chilled with didn't think he was real
You see me and niggaz like this have never been equal
I don't project my insurecurity's at other people
He fiended for props like addicts with pipes and needles
So he felt he had to prove to everyone he was evil
A feeble-minded young man with infinite potetial
The product of a ghetto breed capatalistic mental
Coincidentally dropped out of school to sell weed
Dancing with the devil, smoked until his eyes would bleed
But he was sick of selling trees and gave in to his greed

[Hook]
Everyone trying to be trife never face the consequences
You propably only did a month for minor offences
Ask a nigga doing life if he had another chance
But then again there's always the wicked at new and advanced
Dance forever with the devil on a code cell block
But thats what happens when you rape, murder and sell rock
Devils used to be gods, angels that fell from the top
There's no diversity because we're burning in the melting pot

[Verse 2]
So Billy started robbing niggaz, anything he could do
He'd get his respect back, in the eyes of his crew
Starting fights over little shit, up on the block
Stepped up to selling mothers and brothers the crack rock
Working overtime for making money for the crack spot
Hit the jackpot and wanted to move up to cocaine
For filling the scarface fantasy stuck in his brain
Tired of the block niggaz treating him the same
He wanted to be major like the cut throats and the thugs
But when he tried to step to 'em, niggaz showed him no love
They told him any motherf*cking coward can sell drugs
Any bitch nigga with a gun, can bust slugs
Any nigga with a red shirt can front like a blood
Even Puffy smoked the motherf*cker up in a club
But only a real thug can stab someone till they die
Standing in front of them, starring straight into their eyes
Billy realized that these men were well guarded
And they wanted to test him, before business started
Suggested raping a bitch to prove he was cold hearted
So now he had a choice between going back to his life
Or making money with made men, up in the cife
His dreams about cars and ice, made him agree
A hardcore nigga is all he ever wanted to be
And so he met them friday night at a quarter to three

[Hook]

[Verse 3]
They drove around the projects slow while it was raining
Smoking blunts, drinking and joking for entertainment
Untill they saw a woman on the street walking alone
Three in the morning, coming back from work, on her way home
And so they quietly got out the car and followed her
Walking through the projects, the darkness swallowed her
They wrapped her shirt around her head and knocked her onto the floor
This is it kid now you got your chance to be raw
So Billy oaked her up and grapped the chick by the hair
And dragged her into a lobby that had nobody there
She struggled hard but they forced her to go up the stairs
They got to the roof and then held her down on the ground
Screaming shut the f*ck up and stop moving around
The shirt covered her face, but she screamed the clawed
So Billy stomped on the bitch, until he broken her jaw
The dirty bastards knew exactly what they were doing
They kicked her until they cracked her ribs and she stopped moving
Blood leaking through the cloth, she cried silently
And then they all proceeded to rape her violently
Billy was meant to go first, but each of them took a turn
Ripping her up, and choking her until her throat burned
A broken jaw mumbled for god but they weren't concerned
When they were done and she was lying bloody, broken and broos
One of them niggaz pulled out a brand new twenty-two
They told him that she was a witness of what she'd gone through
And if he killed her he was guaranteed a spot in the crew
He thought about it for a minute, she was practicly dead
And so he leaned over and put the gun right to her head

[Sample from "Survival of the Fittest" by Mobb Deep]
I'm falling and I can't turn back
I'm falling and I can't turn back

[Verse 4]
Right before he pulled the trigger, and ended her life
He thought about the cold pain with the platinum and ice
And he felt strong standing along with his new brothers
Cocked the gat to her head, and pulled back the shirt cover
But what he saw made him start to cringe and studder
Cuz he was starring into the eyes of his own mother
She looked back at him and cried, cause he had forsaken her
She cried more painfully, than when they were raping her
His whole world stopped, he couldn't even contiplate
His corruption had succesfully changed his fate
And he remembered how his mom used to come home late
Working hard for nothing, cause now what was he worth
He turned away from the woman that had once given him birth
And crying out to the sky cause he was lonely and scared
But only the devil responded, cause god wasn't there
And right then he knew what it was to be empty and cold
And so he jumped off the roof and died with no soul
They say death take you to a better place but I doubt it
After that they killed his mother, and never spoke about it
And listen cause the story that I'm telling is true
Cuz I was there with Billy Jacobs and I raped his mom to
And now the devil follows me everywhere that I go
Infact I'm sure he's standing among one of you at my shows
And every street cypher listening to little thugs flowe
He could be standing right next to you, and you wouldn't know
The devil grows inside the hearts of the selvish and wicked
White, brown, yellow and black colored is not restricted
You have a self destructive destiny when your inflicted
And you'll be one of gods children and fell from the top
There's no diversity because we're burning in the melting pot
So when the devil wants to dance with you, you better say never
Because the dance with the devil might last you forever

Last edited by RobbyTheSheef; Feb 13, 2007 at 08:59 AM // 08:59..
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Old Feb 14, 2007, 04:46 AM // 04:46   #108
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: With Vanatiel by the Lion's Arch Lighthouse, waiting for the storm with which we are accoustomed
Guild: Children of the Order [CoO] -True Heroes Fight to Keep the Balance-
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GWpenguin
The Pre-Searing Fighters

*Insert poem surgery here *

We are the future
So your pretty much doomed.

BACK TO REALITY: I know I can't really ryhme close enough and i liked my last line.
The last part was funny. Made me giggle a bit.

Here's something that came out of boredom and one free period. It's not my best, but I wouldn't quite call it my worst, either. Meh. It kinda completely changes in the middle. You can definately tell who I started thinking about when I got to that point.

Written

Spoken words, they never last,
They're all forgotten, lost too fast,
Hardly remembered, just a second in time,
Exactly the moment the ending bell chimes.

As you walk away, please, don't turn around,
Focus your gaze, just look at the ground,
The sand, the waves, the sun setting low,
Recall this verse, and how the rhymes go,

Remember the written, not the spoken, the lies,
Remember the written, the "how"s, "who"s, and "why"s,
Remember me, Adam? My dear Akamu?
Please, write me something, and make me remember you...
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Old Feb 18, 2007, 07:47 AM // 07:47   #109
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Location: Paradise =)
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Damn Lyn,

I felt so much emotions when I read through your poem.

Smiling one second, sad the next, wondering....so on so forth.

Lyn, even though we don't talk for long periods of time, I'm always with you. Your soul brother is always there with you. Sadness, happiness, doesn't matter. I'm always there for you, soul sister.

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Old Feb 18, 2007, 08:06 AM // 08:06   #110
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I know, I know. I love you, too. And, just so you know, I would like answers to all of those questions! ^^

PS, I'll be on AIM too, if you'd like to chat for a bit.
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Old Feb 20, 2007, 10:25 PM // 22:25   #111
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Crow
Really REALLY long poem that took me about an hour total over the last two days to write. Yes, I'm in an extremely bad "I miss you" rut. My longest yet?..

Remember?

Do you remember me, Adam? The one you called "friend"?
Do you remember me, Adam? Your favorite brunette?
Do you remember me, Adam? You were my "soul brother"?
Do you remember me, Adam? The Ice Tooth conversations?
Do you remember me, Adam? Waiting to hear from you?
Do you remember me, Adam? You called me Alicia?
Do you remember me, Adam? Your Lyn? Lady Crow?
Do you remember me, Adam, like I remember you?

Does life overwhelm you? Too much homework?
Does life overwhelm you? Are you fighting with her?
Does life overwhelm you? Got private school blues?
Does life overwhelm you? The ocean calling you?
Does life overwhelm you? Losing your sibling so young?
Does life overwhelm you? Going to hard and fast-paced?
Does life overwhelm you? Do you need an escape?
Does life overwhelm you, like it overwhelms me?

Would you forgive me? If I told you I missed you?
Would you forgive me? If I was too far away?
Would you forgive me? If I said that I cared?
Would you forgive me? If I left you there?
Would you forgive me? If I said too much?
Would you forgive me? If I went to far?
Would you forgive me? If I told you I loved you?
Would you forgive me, if I forgave you?

Would you miss me? If I was gone for a second?
Would you miss me? If I was gone for a day?
Would you miss me? If I left you a week?
Would you miss me? If I didn't see you for a month?
Would you miss me? If our summer went too fast?
Would you miss me? If you had that two-hour limit?
Would you miss me? If she started talking about us?
Would you miss me, like I'd miss you?

Would you laugh at me? If I fell for you?
Would you laugh at me? If I told a bad joke?
Would you laugh at me? If I had a blonde moment?
Would you laugh at me? If my socks didn't match?
Would you laugh at me? If I spilled water on myself?
Would you laugh at me? If, when dyed red, my hair came out pink?
Would you laugh at me? If I tripped over myself?
Would you laugh at me, like I'd laugh at you?

Do you remember me, Adam? The one you called "friend"?
Do you remember me, Adam? Your favorite brunette?
Do you remember me, Adam? You were my "soul brother"?
Do you remember me, Adam? The Ice Tooth conversations?
Do you remember me, Adam? Waiting to hear from you?
Do you remember me, Adam? You called me Alicia?
Do you remember me, Adam? Your Lyn? Lady Crow?
Do you remember me, Adam, like I remember you?

Would you cry for me? If you missed me too much?
Would you cry for me? If you heard that old song?
Would you cry for me? If you reread our story?
Would you cry for me? If my dreams shattered?
Would you cry for me? If my dad went to war?
Would you cry for me? If I lost my brother?
Would you cry for me? If you lost me?
Would you cry for me, if I cried for you?

Would you rush home? If your mom needed you?
Would you rush home? If you left your homework?
Would you rush home? If you had a date?
Would you rush home? If she was to call?
Would you rush home? If it was set afire?
Would you rush home? If you could save just one soul?
Would you rush home? If it would make all the difference?
Would you rush home, if I waited there?

Would your smile be brighter? If she said she loved you?
Would your smile be brighter? If you got your wish?
Would your smile be brighter? If at least one joke was funny?
Would your smile be brighter? If your favorite team won?
Would your smile be brighter? If you watched the sunset?
Would your smile be brighter? If you gazed at the moon?
Would your smile be brighter? If the lightning came in?
Would your smile be brighter, if you thought of me?

Would you comfort me? If I had a migrane?
Would you comfort me? If I was too scared?
Would you comfort me? If I sprained my ankle?
Would you comfort me? If I was post-op recovery?
Would you comfort me? If my grandfather died?
Would you comfort me? If I just needed held?
Would you comfort me? If I cried for no reason?
Would you comfort me, if I comforted you?

Do you remember me, Adam? The one you called "friend"?
Do you remember me, Adam? Your favorite brunette?
Do you remember me, Adam? You were my "soul brother"?
Do you remember me, Adam? The Ice Tooth conversations?
Do you remember me, Adam? Waiting to hear from you?
Do you remember me, Adam? You called me Alicia?
Do you remember me, Adam? Your Lyn? Lady Crow?
Do you remember me, Adam, like I remember you?

Would you fall with me? If you had other things to do?
Would you fall with me? If it would be a wild ride?
Would you fall with me? If you thought it would be fun?
Would you fall with me? To make sure I was safe?
Would you fall with me? If it could kill you?
Would you fall with me? If she told you not to?
Would you fall with me? If I asked you to?
Would you fall with me, if you had the choice?

Can you see me? The pain on my face?
Can you see me? The tears in my eyes?
Can you see me? The stains on my cheeks?
Can you see me? My hands clasped and pleading?
Can you see me? My skirt ripped and torn?
Can you see me? My hair all disheveled?
Can you see me? Looking like I don't care?
Can you see me, like I can see you?

Can you hear me? When the waves beat the sand?
Can you hear me? When the lightning rips the sky?
Can you hear me? When the lone raven calls?
Can you hear me? When the wolves sadly sing?
Can you hear me? When the summer breeze blows?
Can you hear me? When the fire softly crackles?
Can you hear me? When all is silent?
Can you hear me, like I can hear you?

Can you feel me? When the moon's risen high?
Can you feel me? When you smell peaches and mint?
Can you feel me? When the stars shine their brightest?
Can you feel me? When the sky cries its rain?
Can you feel me? When you see the grey-green in her eyes?
Can you feel me? When times are hard?
Can you feel me? When you can't sleep?
Can you feel me, like I can feel you?

Do you remember me, Adam? The one you called "friend"?
Do you remember me, Adam? Your favorite brunette?
Do you remember me, Adam? You were my "soul brother"?
Do you remember me, Adam? The Ice Tooth conversations?
Do you remember me, Adam? Waiting to hear from you?
Do you remember me, Adam? You called me Alicia?
Do you remember me, Adam? Your Lyn? Lady Crow?
Do you remember me, Adam, like I remember you?

Me or her? If somehow she was better?
Me or her? If one loved you more?
Me or her? If one moved too far away?
Me or her? If both invited you?
Me or her? If both claimed your child?
Me or her? If you could save only one?
Me or her? If one you had to kill?
Me or her, Adam, me or her?

Black or white? Which would you prefer?
Black or white? Which is good? Which evil?
Black or white? Which should daylight be?
Black or white? Which would you rather the lillies?
Black or white? Which color beaches are best?
Black or white? Which one seems colder?
Black or white? Which would you rather the snow?
Black or white, Adam, black or white?

Summer or winter? A red or blue sunset?
Summer or winter? Which do you prefer?
Summer or winter? Which is more beautiful?
Summer or winter? Which one seems longer?
Summer or winter? Which one is darker?
Summer or winter? Which is more forgiving?
Summer or winter? Which one seems colder?
Summer or winter, Adam, summer or winter?

Classes or freedom? On which would you grade yourself
Classes or freedom? In which would you rather learn?
Classes or freedom? In which would you act worse?
Classes or freedom? Which would keep her off your mind?
Classes or freedom? Where would you be a lover? A fighter?
Classes or freedom? In which would you think more?
Classes or freedom? Out of which could you sneak?
Classes or freedom, Adam, classes or freedom?

Do you remember me, Adam? The one you called "friend"?
Do you remember me, Adam? Your favorite brunette?
Do you remember me, Adam? You were my "soul brother"?
Do you remember me, Adam? The Ice Tooth conversations?
Do you remember me, Adam? Waiting to hear from you?
Do you remember me, Adam? You called me Alicia?
Do you remember me, Adam? Your Lyn? Lady Crow?
Do you remember me, Adam, like I remember you?
...Like I remember you?...

[EDIT: Added what else has been written so far]

Hey,

excellent poem. I and my English 9 class went over poetry not to long ago (a week ago,mabye 8 days ) and you poem is excellent..
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Old Feb 20, 2007, 11:07 PM // 23:07   #112
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There once was a boy from Peru
Who dreamed he was eating his shoe!
He barfed up his lace
NASA shot him into space
He only wished his space ship was blue....
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Old Feb 20, 2007, 11:29 PM // 23:29   #113
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Quote:
Originally Posted by {BHC}KingWarman88
Hey,

excellent poem. I and my English 9 class went over poetry not to long ago (a week ago,mabye 8 days ) and you poem is excellent..
Uh..thanks.

Just so everyone knows, I am no longer taking criticism from anyone, (be it negative or what some people call "positive") unless I know said criticizer and respect his or her opinion and/or work. This is because I get too many worthless comments from people trying to tell me that either I am what I am not, or to "improve" in some way that I find redundant or offensive. Thank you for your understanding in this matter.
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Old Feb 22, 2007, 01:58 PM // 13:58   #114
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Crow
Uh..thanks.

Just so everyone knows, I am no longer taking criticism from anyone, (be it negative or what some people call "positive") unless I know said criticizer and respect his or her opinion and/or work.
O.0

You might want to stop...publicizing your works, if you don't want to receive any commentary, eh? Or, poetry.com...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Storm Crow
This is because I get too many worthless comments from people trying to tell me that either I am what I am not, or to "improve" in some way that I find redundant or offensive. Thank you for your understanding in this matter.

“To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.”
-Elbert Green Hubbard
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Old Feb 24, 2007, 05:08 AM // 05:08   #115
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I never once said that I didn't want to receive comments on my works. Comments I will accept, it is the worthless attempts at criticism and abolishment of my work that I will not tolerate. Some say that I do not take criticism well, and, they're right, I don't. This is because I've heard and seen enough of what types are good and which pointless to know the difference, and most here would be the latter. Take this for example:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rayndeon
Caged Bird directly plagiarized Dunbar along with Angelou. You ought to be ashamed. :P

Necromancer's Chant had too choppy verse; you need to extend the verse itself and increase the imagery; revise it.

The rest read like typical "emo" poems.
The fact that he stated that my poem was "plagorized" and whom I "copied" it from is acceptable, but he never backed it up any further with other information, such as what Dunbar and Angelou wrote. To make matters worse, he included the ":P" smiley, which only makes me think that he is proud of himself for pointing out this false information.

Then he goes on to tell me to flat out rewrite one of my works. THAT is what sent me over the pissed off ledge. I am making this clear now to everyone that I do not care what you think about anything I write. I will never change my work because someone asks me to or outright demands it. My work is my own, and I am not your personal typewriter to order around. Get used to it. He also apparently failed to notice the word "chant" in the title of that particular poem. This was acquired from www.m-w.com:

Main Entry: 2chant
Function: noun
1 : SONG 1
2 a : PLAINSONG b : a rhythmic monotonous utterance or song
c : a composition for chanting

I beleive that pretty much sums up that it isn't supposed to be an actual poem that you would set a rhythm to, but rather repeat over and over agian until everyone who heard it became brainwashed.

However, on the other hand, here is something that another person posted a few pages back:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ristaron
Well if you can be judged, here's my honest assessment:

Your poems are meaningful and something I value reading, but after the second or third PAGE of four-line ABCB I have to admit I found myself doubting your ability to challenge yourself. Poetry is not merely about rhym and rhythm, and while you've captured an essense of what you mean in your many of your poems, I simply can't find the true emotion in most of them.
Perhaps that's why I have to agree with 'Sir's 'emo' assessment. To me, the whole 'emo' fad represents a false pretense for unreasonable depression. When I read your writing, I find a metaphorical truth to the words, but there is no passion I can detect aside from your apparent (and applaudable) love of telling stories.
When I can feel the emotion, your poems will turn from admirable to moving. Until then, I suggest you continue to push yourself - you can be even better.


<Edit>: And if you have an objection to my large, complicated words, then your vocabulary could use work as well. Don't shoot others down for something you haven't yet achieved.
Here, the criticizer was actually respectul in the way he addressed what he thought was wrong. He gave his assessment in a way that would come across as easily as possible. This I understood, and at least tried to take some kind of consideration into. This message was completely satisfactory until he bashed my vocabulary. When I had stated before that I thought the first example's words were large and complicated, I simply meant that he used unnecessarily bigger words to, in essence, say "What you've written sucks." I suppose that I wasn't exactly clear in the way that I had posted that the first time.

And then there are comments like these:

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheRabbitLord
ok first thing, your a little lier if you are who i thinkyou are. that "caged bird" poem was done by someone explaining themes from "Iknow why the Caged Bird Sings" by Lois Lowry. so dont go sayin its your freakin poem if its out of a magazine. im fine if you give the actual author credit but sayin its your own poem is just wrong
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheRabbitLord
Woops my bad, poem was done by Anglelou something lois lowery was the giver author.. but still it is plagerized. . . otherwize a lot of your guys poetry is farly good
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheRabbitLord
Lmao stop pretending you wrote it u may have changed a few words i couldnt find like a guy said before but it was not your freaking idea. I had to do an essay in english on that poem i know it wasnt yours.
This was just utterly unneeded. This person actually had to post three different times to finally get his information straight, and even then he couldn't spell over half of his words or use correct grammar. If I see that anyone had to post any more than once to get their point across, or if there is any of this "chat talk" used, from now on, I will not read it, and will disregard it entirely. This is because doing these things suggests an unserious person who frankly could care less about what they are trying to say. The Mods and Admins have included an "Edit Post" button for a reason, and I suggest you double-posters and those who employ "chat talk" learn how to use it.

Now, I have stated here what I find disrespectful and what I believe is acceptable. I would appreciate it if everyone would try to ask themselves now what I will take kindly and what I will rip your head off for when you decide to make any kind of criticism to my work. I am a person of short attention span, and even shorter anger fuse. Remember that if nothing else. Thank you.
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Old Feb 26, 2007, 11:12 PM // 23:12   #116
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My newest, just whipped up out of nowhere...

Clock

And the clock struck ten, and blood-filled was the fen,
And the clock struck twelve, and bone-filled was the delve,
And the clock struck two, and acid was the dew,
And the clock struck four, and cows died on the moor,
And the clock struck six, and freeze did the tropics,
And the clock struck eight, and wide became the strait,
And the clock struck ten, and it started again...


Kind of morbid and random, but interesting nonetheless
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Old Mar 08, 2007, 01:23 AM // 01:23   #117
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Friends


Are friends really worth it?
Always kind, always respectful of you.

Are friends really worth it?
We all run into bumps, and you would have never have felt the pain if you never had the friend.

Are friends really worth it?
Life ends anyways, why make friends? You'll more likely fight them on the front lines than stay friends forever.

Are friends really worth it?
Is the pain of stopping more than the joy of starting?

Are friends really worth it?
They stand by you for much, they stand by you for as long as you know them, they're loyalty outgoes the ones you buy.

Are friends really worth it?
Only one of life's questions...




Life


What is life?
Love, Hate, Friends, Enemys

What is life?
Relief, Jealousy, Peace, War

What is life?
Worship, Seclusiveness, Embarresment, Pride

What is life?
Everything, nothing, Atoms, Universes

What is life?
Time, Death, Questions, Answers

What is life?
This...is the greatest question...



Not to good I guess...But ehh...I'm only 12.
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Old Mar 08, 2007, 11:58 PM // 23:58   #118
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The Game


Now that I have allowed you to beat me...
Could we play another game?
Maybe I could win this time?

Now that I have allowed you to beat me...
Will you take the bet to hell?
Maybe you can collect it some other time?

Now that I have allowed you to beat me...
Could you go easier from now on?
Could we play for free from now on?

Now that I have allowed you to beat me...
Must we play for eternity?
We have already played beyond the humans.

Now that I have allowed you to beat me...
Will you use hell as the new realm of "happyness?"
Will you banish heaven to the ends of time?

Now that I have allowed you to beat me, Satan...
Will there be hope of peace?
Will there be hope of fairness?
Will there be hope of..........my existance?
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Old Mar 10, 2007, 06:55 PM // 18:55   #119
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Here's someting I came up with in lunch yesterday. It's very politically incorrect, and actually supposed to be a song. Sing to the melody of "On Top of Old Smoky":

On Top of Austrailia


On top of Australia
All covered with dirt
I boxed a kangaroo
And it really hurt

Koalas are cuddly
But not very nice
Platypuses lay eggs
But they don't have lice

The Russians like vodka
For some weird reason
They killed their own leaders
And now we have treason

They wear funny hats
And do a kick dance
And when in the sixties
They wore bellbottom pants

The British are strange
But their accents are cool
And if you are stupid
They'll call you a fool

They like Earl Grey tea
They drink it a lot
When they cook their dinner
They use rusty pots

The Irish like drinking
It's real neat they think
They believe in leprechauns
That aren't very pink

They like potatoes
Both boiled and mashed
And when they ran out
Their economy crashed

The Chinese like school
They are really smart
And if you don't go
You'll have a brain fart

One thing about them
It is quite taboo
Though you might not believe it
They eat Japanese food

Now if you are French
Then you like to eat snails
And get scratch-and-sniff catalogues
Just tons in the mail

Their language is weird
And complicated
And in World War Two
They were barricaded

Now here in America
We are the best
And on our large borders
It's immigrate-fest

We like to steal gas
From the Middle East
And at five o'clock
On pizza we feast!


I love being policially incorrect
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Old Mar 15, 2007, 07:37 PM // 19:37   #120
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When between two fates a deep ocean lies
And yearning takes a toll on hearts alike
Then strength to believe that the sun will rise
Is hard to find when doubts do the mind strike

Voices rise up, moaning softly, as one
Only voices have no tie to the pain
Their words have no meaning when all is done
Only two can decide, they are the main

While their fates seem destined to be apart
Somehow they believe in what could be theirs
And with that little spark, right in their heart
They wait for the time when they get their shares

So long love is strong, and hearts do believe
So will lovers meet and their love receive

(Ehm... Yes, I have fridge magnets too. The Shakespearian Poetry Collection... Sonnets rule. Mine probably doesn't. I'll blame it all on the Bard anyway.)
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