Curse

Dervish Gnome · Jun 12, 2007, 07:52 PM // 19:52

Here I stand upon a battlefield of dirt. Just north of where I stand, across this dreadful barren land, awaits an enemy whose blood is boiling with the desire to see my lifeless corpse fertilize the soil. She is a one woman army with the unnatural ability to make the sky cry fire. She is a force to be reconciled with.

Our battle is to the death and my opponent is none other than the legendary Cynn. What could possibly spark a duel to the death with her? Well, Cynn has a nasty jealous streak and being the stunning dervish that I am it was only natural that Mhenlo find me so very attractive.

FLASHBACK:

It was a glorious day in Elona. I was in a fierce fight with elemental beasts and quite enjoying the slaughter, but to my dismay my health was quickly diminishing. I was entertaining the thought of sending these creatures to the mists and running to the nearest town to seek aid from a local healer. I put my last bit of energy into my swing, but that nasty devil blocked my attack and in turn retaliated. I was sure Grenth's hand had gripped my heart, but by sheer grace an intervention had been placed upon my certain doom.

I was left breathless, but I quickly ripped off my hood to get a better glimpse at my savior. “By Balthazar's beard.” I remarked in astonishment when I saw whom had so politely saved me. The man who stood before me was none other than the handsome young monk Mhenlo. He was quiet stunning in the Elona sunlight.

I suppose that same Elona sun had highlighted my blushing cheeks because Mhenlo gave a look as though he understood my secret thoughts. I turned my gaze westward to better hide my embarrassment. He and I journeyed together in awkward silence to the nearest town. Though we were silent, the atmosphere held a playful harmony and my heart played along with that harmony every time our eyes met while trying to steal a glimpse of each other.

After entering town a courageous thought flickered through the shadows of my mind. Mhenlo must have been considering the same enchanted thought because he grabbed me by the hips and pressed his lips to mine. It felt as though my world was set ablaze and in fact it was not my world, but me. I was near passing out; however, Mhenlo gave me a quick heal along with an apologetic gander.

I turned to see a rather unhappy elementalist storming towards me. “You wretch!” Cynn screamed along with other insults. I just stood there with a smirk upon my lips remembering the sensations Mhenlo had stirred inside me. She continued to shout, but all her anger faded away as long as my gaze stayed locked on Mhenlo. “I challenge you to a duel you miserable harlot.” Cynn hissed. I could hardly believe my ears, a duel? I pondered the idea for awhile, but when Mhenlo's eyes met mine I instantly melted and decided that I wanted Cynn out of the picture. “Very well, I accept.” I murmured with glee.

Now, here on the battlefield I stand. I don't know what chance I have against a fire elementalist, but I think it's a rather fair chance. With a wind prayer said, I charge down the battlefield. Wish me luck.

Shadow Kurd · Jun 12, 2007, 11:32 PM // 23:32

seriously you got to have balls to make cynn angry

GJ on story, i like your way writing. Really puts you in the place of your the character.
/clap /clap /clap /clap
Me wants more!

iriyabran · Jun 16, 2007, 11:53 AM // 11:53

mhenlo used dwayna's kiss on you
lol :P
very nice
i like

Dervish Gnome · Aug 13, 2007, 06:34 AM // 06:34

Thank you ^.^

fujin · Aug 13, 2007, 08:09 AM // 08:09

Nice story, I like it :P
A little curious, are you going to write a second part, or is it one of those stories where we predict what happens next?

Dervish Gnome · Aug 13, 2007, 02:59 PM // 14:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by fujin

Nice story, I like it :P
A little curious, are you going to write a second part, or is it one of those stories where we predict what happens next?

That is indeed a good question...I think it is just one of those "you predict what happens next" stories. Everyone is welcome to write out a second part and post it here if you like. I'd be more than happy to see where other people think the story should go.

darkstarry · Sep 03, 2007, 04:32 AM // 04:32

I wish I could say I was as entertained by the story as the others were, but I wasn't. This is what one would call "Mary Sue writing". That's when the writer deliberately places a non-canon character, often one that is favored and/or much alike the writer herself, into a romantic setting with a canon character, such as Mhenlo in this case. Also, Mhenlo was very out of character. I've noticed that most fics written by girls that involve Mhenlo show little to no appreciation for his feelings for Cynn, regardless of her insecure behavior, and tend to write him as something he is not. Mhenlo has a lot of good looking friends, but the point is that he's romantic with Cynn and it just so happens to be that Cynn is made jealous by simple things... not because he runs around macking on other girls. He's sort of like a pimp who doesn't seem to even care/realize that he has the potential to be such a, well, pimp. Nice little monk.

Sorry. I really don't mean to flame, and I wish I could be more supportive, but it truly is a pet peeve to see characters written incorrectly, especially in these situations. However, you did get Cynn's rage right -- but I think she may have beaten Mhenlo to a pulp for that one!

Dervish Gnome · Sep 06, 2007, 08:20 AM // 08:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkstarry

I wish I could say I was as entertained by the story as the others were, but I wasn't. This is what one would call "Mary Sue writing". That's when the writer deliberately places a non-canon character, often one that is favored and/or much alike the writer herself, into a romantic setting with a canon character, such as Mhenlo in this case. Also, Mhenlo was very out of character. I've noticed that most fics written by girls that involve Mhenlo show little to no appreciation for his feelings for Cynn, regardless of her insecure behavior, and tend to write him as something he is not. Mhenlo has a lot of good looking friends, but the point is that he's romantic with Cynn and it just so happens to be that Cynn is made jealous by simple things... not because he runs around macking on other girls. He's sort of like a pimp who doesn't seem to even care/realize that he has the potential to be such a, well, pimp. Nice little monk.

Sorry. I really don't mean to flame, and I wish I could be more supportive, but it truly is a pet peeve to see characters written incorrectly, especially in these situations. However, you did get Cynn's rage right -- but I think she may have beaten Mhenlo to a pulp for that one!

I see where you're coming from, but the pure beauty of creative fiction writing is that it is fiction. True, Mhenlo is a character in Guild Wars...and I did recreate him in my story to fit MY story. Sorry that you didn't like it, but eh...I really don't care.

Axe Wielding Dame · Sep 06, 2007, 09:32 AM // 09:32

All the proof you need that Mhenlo is a pimp.

neo the tyrant · Sep 26, 2007, 05:55 PM // 17:55

cynn wears a thong

Axe Wielding Dame · Oct 08, 2007, 06:46 PM // 18:46

That's interesting Neo...so maybe there should be a skill called "G-string snap" that dazes the enemy.... -_-'' siiiiigh

Li Xien · May 13, 2008, 10:25 AM // 10:25

Epilogue:

Cynn casts Meteor Shower x2 and kills the Dervish. All becomes clear in her last moment of life, and suddenly she realizes her entire fantasy of being noticed by Mhenlo was nothing but a heatstroke-induced delusion caused by the Elonian sun.

Mhenlo and Cynn live happily ever after, oblivious to the fangirls who make no attempt to acknowledge their true personalities.

The End.

Aleks · May 18, 2008, 09:43 AM // 09:43

It was very well written. For a monk, Mhenlo sure does seem to get himself involved in these situations a lot! ^_^ However, this comment:

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkstarry

I wish I could say I was as entertained by the story as the others were, but I wasn't. This is what one would call "Mary Sue writing". That's when the writer deliberately places a non-canon character, often one that is favored and/or much alike the writer herself, into a romantic setting with a canon character, such as Mhenlo in this case. Also, Mhenlo was very out of character. I've noticed that most fics written by girls that involve Mhenlo show little to no appreciation for his feelings for Cynn, regardless of her insecure behavior, and tend to write him as something he is not. Mhenlo has a lot of good looking friends, but the point is that he's romantic with Cynn and it just so happens to be that Cynn is made jealous by simple things... not because he runs around macking on other girls. He's sort of like a pimp who doesn't seem to even care/realize that he has the potential to be such a, well, pimp. Nice little monk.

should not be ignored. I wholeheartedy agree with darkstarry here. Unlike darkstarry, though, I was very entertained. And I truly look forward to the next installment of your story.

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkstarry

Sorry. I really don't mean to flame, and I wish I could be more supportive, but it truly is a pet peeve to see characters written incorrectly, especially in these situations. However, you did get Cynn's rage right -- but I think she may have beaten Mhenlo to a pulp for that one!

I think she may have done just that to Mheno, lol. And you weren't flaming. You were in the right, friend. Constructive criticism is welcome among all writers, I'm sure.

Tyris Mckinnon · Dec 20, 2008, 08:02 PM // 20:02

*Aidans wife Tyris are watching Cynn while she walks away, and shakes her head and mumbles: "So Typical Cynn" while looking at Dervish body*

Arbiter Fur · Dec 21, 2008, 01:11 PM // 13:11

very nice story, but do want to know how you get owned by an angry cynn :P