Curse

-Makai- · Mar 10, 2010, 04:14 PM // 16:14

Originally, I just wanted to cook up some quick character biographies for my Guild Wars fansite, but after digging deep, I found myself turning a neglected character into something new:

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Allendreth Elran

Profession: Ranger
Age: 17(pre-Searing), 19(post)
Height: 5'7''
Build: Average
Hair Color: Blond
Eye Color: Turquoise
Nationality: Ascalonian
Other physical details: Has a scar on his forehead formed from his hubris. Always wears a necklace, given to him by a fallen friend. Like many rangers, his face is often concealed by a mask.
Personality: Stern and disciplined, but with a kind heart, Allendreth is gracious to innocents and allies, but strikes down his foes with fervent justice.

Life Before The Searing:

Born to a family of woodcutters and fletchers, Allendreth had always felt at home with nature. Throughout his adolescence, his family further solidified his preternatural talents of controlling bow and beast. At the age of twelve, he successfully tamed his first companion, a feral cat whom he dubbed Tannek. Over time and rigorous training, he became a skilled huntsman and tracker, frequently protecting his wandering countrymen from wild beasts, and sometimes, from themselves. Although trouble often seeped from the recesses and shadows of his kingdom, Allendreth found peace within its verdant forests, tranquil brooks and rolling hills. But, as with all Ascalonians, this internal stability could not last forever. The last day dawned on the kingdom of Ascalon.

Ranger's Lament:

One morning, Allendreth received an unusual request from a nobleman who had a taste for more "ghoulish" pieces of artwork. The task set before the young Ranger was simple enough for one of his skill: obtain twenty gargoyle skulls from the catacombs of Ashford Abbey. Before setting off, Allendreth ate a modest meal, wished his parents well and whistled for Tannek to come to his side--his companion did not answer this call. Upon surveying his family's grounds, Allendreth found the panther near his father's workshed, a favored napping spot. The beast's fur stood erect like deadly quills and his teeth were bared as if ready to strike errant spirits. Though he knew his friend to be of great intelligence, the young Ranger was puzzled by Tannek's behavior. While languid skale and an occasional misdirected grawl were known to venture near the proximity of their homestead, surely this would be little cause for concern. Try as he may, Allendreth could not coerce his friend into joining him in his hunt. The beast ignored his common request, concentrating on something that could only be translated by animal instinct. The ranger knelt beside his companion and lovingly stroked his head. For a brief moment, Allendreth's eyes met the beast's and he felt an intense degree of nervousness wallow up in his gut. As his upbringing had been stern and disciplined, the young man superficially replaced this feeling of dread with the satisfaction of accomplishment that surely awaited him. After receiving a caring nuzzle to his cheek, Allendreth patted Tannek one more time and headed off to the shadowy undercroft of Ashford Abbey.

Arriving in the crypt via a secret passage used in forgotten times by rogue wizards, Allendreth's eyes swelled from the copious amount of lingering dust hanging in the stale air. He allowed himself a few moments to rub his eyes and regain his determined composure. A quick survey of the immediate area showed this task would not be as easy as he originally gathered--slivers of light fruitlessly attempted to illuminate the chalky catacomb. Beyond the dust and darkness, which dampered his keen eyes, Allendreth's ears detected a faint grumble; he estimated the noise to be a good forty, maybe fifty, feet away. As he ruffled through his pack, he realized that Tannek's superb sense of smell would have been a great boon.

Thankfully, the Ranger came prepared for any obstruction. He produced a small vial filled with an oily concoction, which he quietly applied to a single arrow. Though he could not safely measure the number of foes he was soon to face, he was confident in his abilities. Carefully, he knocked his arrow in advance and skulked to a strategic position on top of an ancient edifice. The odd noise grew louder and more violent; he was sure one of the monsters had spotted him. Acting purely on instinct, Allendreth struck a piece of flint against the arrowhead, immolating the weapon. Now that his cover was blown, he would have only a handful of seconds to make his move. He quickly pulled back his bowstring to maximum tension and aimed where he could hear the fierce rushing of claws against stone. Just as he let his arrow fly, a trickle of dusty debris struck his face.

He missed.

His burning arrow flew into the vast bleakness, giving him a brief opportunity to see it clip the wing of his savage host. For less than a second, he prepared for the creature's advance, but this attempt was in vain. The gargoyle sprung on Allendreth in a whirl of claws and fangs, knocking him to the ground. The ranger wrestled with the monster as best he could, but to no avail. His heart raced as the pugent scent of rust and ripped leather flooded his senses. Pinned to the ground, he saw no escape from his demise at the creature's sharpened fingers. He wondered if Tannek's reservations were stern portents.
Allendreth glared into the maddening eyes of the gargoyle, as if to say, "Go on. Do it." Death, as he understood, was an orderly construct of nature that was not to be feared, but rather accepted. The creature produced a sick grimace as its forefinger inched closer to the ranger's throat.

Just then, the surface shook with great force, distracting the assailant long enough for Allendreth to deliver a mighty kick to its stomach. Taking full advantage of this opportunity, the young man lunged onto his mark and quickly jammed an arrow into its neck. The gargoyle let out a sickening gurgle as its blood pooled onto the dusty ground. Allendreth breathed a sigh of relief and stood up to examine his kill. In the darkened distance, he could hear the manic shrieks of his prey's family. The young man readied his bow in advance of the incoming onslaught. For several minutes he stood, trying to keep full awareness as dust caked on to the string of blood trickling from his forehead. Eventually, the denizen's ramblings became more and more distant until they were finally hushed.

Realizing the danger was now over, he sat upon the ebon floor and surveyed his condition. Along with the nasty gash to his brow, he discovered several cuts on his chest and forearms. His coat, which had been a birthday present from his parents, was torn and stained beyond hope of immediate repair. And though he attributed this to his recent skirmish, he felt the stagnant air becoming increasingly warmer. While mending his wounds, the ranger gathered his thoughts. Did Melandru's hand play a part in his escape? Earthquakes were not exactly common in Ascalon, but the timing was absolutely perfect. His thoughts then focused on the realization that he could not continue his quest. Whatever luxuries he wished to purchase were now once again beyond his grasp. Mentally, Allendreth accepted this as punishment for his pride and want of material wealth, a human aspect in stark conflict with his upbringing. In the end, though his task had abruptly ended, he smiled knowing that he would soon leave the hellish undercroft, returning to the lands he loved so much.

His lacerations tended to, Allendreth brandished his skinning knife and carefully severed the fallen creature's head. While his employer was a perfectionist and would not accept a single trophy, the young ranger wished, at the very least, to keep the skull as a memento of the good luck (or divine intervention) he experienced. His equipment gathered, he took a swig from his water skin, held the creature's skull in one hand and started the trek home. Finally reaching the slim crevice from which he entered, his mouth grew agape at the world before him. The ghastly trophy slipped from his hand and found itself on land that was lush no longer.

Allendreth gazed upon the barren earth, his body trembling. Beyond the rustling of dead twigs stolen by wandering zephyrs, there was nothing but silence. Everything was dead: the trees, the birds, the air. But his parents? But Tannek? Mustering up all his courage, the ranger hurried home, his boots and coat tail kicking up dust as he ran. The skull, which had been forgotten, projected a dead sneer, as if rejoicing in the calamity.

Arriving near his family's plot of land, Allendreth briefly suspended his run to catch his breath. The forest, where the young man and his pet once played and trained, was a gnarled visage of its former leafy opulence. Embers blanketed the ground, while fire danced about the area in some destructive harmony. Beyond the rising ash and smoke, he could see his family's cabin still standing, yet completely covered in flames. He allowed himself no further pause; he rushed to his ruined heritage.

Immediately, without concern of his own safety, he burst into the cabin, calling out for his parents; the sounds of crackling wood and popping salves were the only replies. His parents were nowhere to be found. In the distance, he heard a stretched bellowing and exited the cabin as quickly as he entered. Following the mournful howl's trail lead him to his father's work shed. Tears welled up in his eyes and his heart plummeted. There, a few yards away from the work shed, lay Tannek.

The beast was badly burned and struggling to breath. As his master approached, his moaning subsided to offer him a scant few moments of life. Instinctively, Allendreth eyed the area for medicinal herbs, but the new world offered no such comforts. Carefully, he swept his companion's head onto his lap and poured water into his hand; Tannek slowly lapped up this gift. As Allendreth stroked his friend's head, small bits of fur whisped to the charred ground. Tannek responded with a weak nuzzle and turned his face up to his master, gazing at him with milky white eyes. Both understood there was no hope.

The young man softly placed his fingertips on Tannek's eyelids, closing them, while shutting his own. In these final minutes, a feeling almost tranquil radiated between them as chaos thrived nearby. Allendreth wished he could die alongside his friend, whom he felt he betrayed for the promise of shiny baubles. And then, just as it arrived, the serene gloom ended. Tannek lapped his master's hand once more and fell limp.

For what felt like an eternity, the ranger sat there, holding his fallen companion. In deep contemplation, questions poured into his mind. What caused this disaster? Was he the only survivor in Ascalon? In all of Tyria? His parents? Where were his parents?! Where were the gods? Where was justice?! He conceded these questions to be meaningless; his scorched homestead held no answers.

Allendreth drew his knife, the same used on the bounty, which was now forgotten. He carefully culled a tuft of Tannek's fur and respectfully placed it in his pack; the charred scent filled it to the brim. He removed his coat, gently wrapped his friend in it and ambled to the work shed. The ranger placed Tannek on the smoldering floor, stared at him a final time and delicately closed the door.

Now alone in a radically changed world, Allendreth fashioned Tannek's fur around a piece of sturdy twine. He adorned himself with this makeshift pendant as a constant reminder that, by the will of the gods or a spark of fortune, he survived. After collecting what tools and personal effects he could, he set his sights on Ascalon City. Perhaps there he would find answers to his questions.

Perhaps there he could seek vengeance.

cheape arie · Mar 10, 2010, 06:29 PM // 18:29

I like the story

hawk3y3 · Mar 10, 2010, 11:54 PM // 23:54

Alright, I'm going to try and critique you.

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The Good:

Firstly, I applaud you for using third person omniscient. I find it a hard to write in anything except first person participant. Also, I liked your use of imagery. It painted a picture in my mind. Combining imagery and third person omniscient is not easy. Overall, I thought it was a well put together read.

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The Bad:

I'm going to blow a hole in your logic (kind of). When the "earthquake" happened, did not the entrances to the catacombs close? I would think that rubble would fall soon and block Allendreth's path. Then again, he is a ranger. Beyond that, I do not see any errors, except maybe the occasional grammatical error.

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Personal Comments:

*Now the boilerplate disclaimer* These are my comments. They are meant to be chewed on and thought about, but they should NOT affect your writing. You can write as you see fit. Do not let me influence you. Bad things happen when other people influence you!

Now for my personal comments that do not relate to the story. The personality of the character irks me. He seems to be a paradox. Kind-hearted, yet stern and disciplined? While some may think this is not, I reserve the right to say so.

As for the scar he has, I do not like scars. It makes someone look like Snake Plissken or Duke Nukem (for the lack of a better term a bad***). Could he be an anti-hero? Could it be just for "coolness"? The reader will have to find out...

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I'll let our good friend Joker say the last comment.

"It's just my opinion, though. There's really no need to go spreading it around."

-Makai- · Mar 11, 2010, 09:29 AM // 09:29

First off, I appreciate any and all critiques. I haven't produced anything creative since I graduated from college six months ago. I'm using GW fan fiction as sort of a stepping stone to get back into the fiction writing mood.

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