Curse

shadeblade47 · Jun 30, 2011, 02:01 AM // 02:01

Due to an overwhelming amount of boredom I've decided to write a little story. Feel free to post whether or not you would like to see the story continued. I apologize if this isn't the right section but after about 20 minutes of debating I came to the conclusion that this section made the most sense. Here it goes...

Note: I decided it would be really cool if somebody wanted to do some illustrations of scenes or creatures from the story. I could add them to the thread to go along with the writing (while giving the artist credit of course). If anybody would like to take on the challenge send me a PM and we can talk.

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The Elder Dragons slumbered and the Great Giants were skeletons scattered across the world. The six Gods walked together amongst morals, before Abaddon had revolted. Magic was unrestricted. This was the world before the Exodus of the Gods, and here is a legend that failed be be written into history.. before now.

Talok Grimlore was undoubtedly born to fight. As soon as he was old enough to lift a sword he began seeking training in how to use it effectively. He was an intelligent boy, but he preferred swinging a sword to reading a book any day. At the age of 18 he felt as though he could take care of himself. He loved his mother and father dearly, but he could not stay in his town. He knew he had to venture off and find greatness. His mother wept when he told them he would leave, but his father smiled. He knew that eventually this day would come, and he was prepared.

His father, once a soldier, had a gift for the boy. He went into his room, emerging a moment later with a blade resting on the palms of his hands. It was about five feet in length and quite heavy. "This blade has saved my life more times than I can recall. May it do the same for you." he said with another pleasant smile. They then finished saying their goodbyes and the boy walked off into the forest, ready for anything.

He had marked the route he would travel on an old map. He would venture through the forest and between some mountains to the town of Harvik. There, he would be sure to hear of some great beast to be slain or some important feat to be completed. He had heard of the large town but the route from his own village, Gnarlo, was too perilous for anyone to bother going there. While walking with his head high, intoxicated by the feeling of freedom he felt, an intense pain shot up his right leg.

Talok let out a load wail and instinctively pulled out his sword while diving to his left. Turning quickly, he saw a strange creature he had heard of only in his lessons back at home. He knew it was known as a Lupiren. The beast looked as if a wolf and a dragon had bred. It had eyes of pure black, sharp teeth, claws, and scaled flesh with stripes of fur running across its body in strange patterns. The creature let our a vicious snarl, followed by another burst of flame.

Talok had no idea what to do. His shield was made of wood, it would be incinerated by this monster if he tried to use it. He rushed forward in an attempt to slash the beast but was forced to dodge another burst of flame. He hid behind an ashen tree. It was just now that he realized the forest around him was littered with ash and burnt wood. He held his sword tight, deciding his only hope would be to gouge the beast when it came around the tree. He listened for the creatures steps, still stunned by the fact that something like this could be found only a few hours from his home.

Suddenly another burst of flame came pouring past the edges of the tree. Talok was sure that he had no hope. As he dove towards another tree the beast lunged at him. A loud explosion stunned him as he landed. The beast struggled on the forest floor, wailing in pain. He was engulfed in a dark red aura that seemed to be killing him. Suddenly, another load explosion as a bright beam of light crashed into the beasts head, sending his body crashing into a tree. It stopped moving.

As Talok struggled to catch his breath he heard footsteps. Standing above him was Nomai, a girl he had had classes with. They had been good friends and always talked to one another in school. He was shocked to see her. He couldn't even find words to say. As far as anyone had known there were no magic users in Gnarlo. The people of the village had strongly opposed the power, saying it was too great for mortals to wield. He had no idea anyone in the village had the gift to use it.

"Please do not hate me for not telling you.. or for having this power. I saw you leave, and I knew I had to follow. They wouldn't accept me in the village if they knew, but I thought you would." She said to Talok with a frown on her face. His face slowly formed a smile as he sat up. As they began walking she explained how her mother secretly taught her how to use magic and how she must never abuse it. Talok now had a companion for his journey. After her long explanation she looked at Talok for support. He looked to her and replied. "Great to have you along. Now, let's get to Harvik so I can get a shield that isn't flammable." They both walked on with smiles across their faces.

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I graduated early from high school so I've been out of school for about 6 months. As a result I haven't written anything for a while so I apologize if the quality of my writing is a bit lacking right now. If anyone bothered to read the whole thing and actually would like to see the story continue please let me know, I'd be more than happy to add a chapter every few days. If I don't really get any feedback I'll just let this die. I hope you guys enjoy.

shadeblade47 · Jun 30, 2011, 02:02 AM // 02:02

After about two days of traveling, Nomai and Talok found themselves on the outskirts of Harvik. They could hear the bustle of the town, sounds they were not accustomed to. Their village had been very small and they felt an abundance of excitement as they walked along the dirt road towards their destination. They stared in awe at all of the large buildings, the taverns, the homes, and the extravagant market. Things came from all over Tyria to be sold in Harvik.

The two were very hungry after their journey, having had nothing to eat but some dried yak meat from Gnarlo. They wanted to buy something to eat but only had fifteen gold coins. The only thing they could afford was some skale fin soup at the tavern, which was not very appetizing. As the two sat sharing the bowl of soup a man came crashing through the doors of the tavern.

The man had bits of ice all over his body and looked as if he had seen a ghost. "Grenth is near!" he howled as if he was feeling intense pain while uttering the God's name. The man explained that he had taken his young son's body, whom had died of plague, to be burned. While doing so Grenth appeared as a cloaked old man and told him that the dead must be buried. The man refused and lit the pyre, enraging the God. Now the god was in pursuit of the man.

Talok jumped up from his seat and pulled out his sword. "You idiot, why would you defy the God's? Our only hope is to pray to Balthazar for strength and fight!" The tavern became quiet as all eyes turned to the boy. Nobody ever dared challenge the Gods. They were only disrespected by mere accident, by mortals who had not known they were Gods.

After the words had left the boys lips, an icy mist poured into the tavern from under the door. Ice began to cling to the walls. The door shattered and before them all stood the God of Death. The God looked more like a beast, his face like some skull of a dead creature. His hands were clawed and where his eyes should have been there was a green unnatural light. Talok suddenly felt as if he had forgotten how to breath.

Regardless of the fear he felt, Talok stood tall clutching his blade. He stared the God straight in the face as all of the others fell on their hands and knees. Nomai was among them on the floor, grasping at Talok's leg in an attempt to pull him down. Grenth was notorious for leaving no witnesses upon revealing his true form. He stared back at Talok with intrigue in those glowing eyes of his.

"Why do you not bow like the others, boy?" asked the God in his raspy, unnatural sounding voice. Talok clenched his jaw, trying to open his mouth to form words. "If you kill me then I would have bowed to you for nothing. I'd rather die standing than be 'allowed' to live." he finally somehow managed to say. The god stared at him, his eyes seeming to narrow.

"You remind me of Balthazar." said the God with a slight rise in the tone of his voice. "You appear to me to be a true warrior. I could not deny my brother such a follower. But as for these others.. they are worth no more than their flesh." he continued to say. He then raised his clawed hand and an aura of ice began to surround it. "No!" roared Talok as he rushed towards the immortal in an attempt to save the others.

Grenth was shocked that a mere human would be so bold. He caught the boy's blade in his hand, inches away from his face. The blade began to become covered in frost. The boy stared into Grenth's eyes with hate. The God looked utterly shocked, unsure what had just happened. He then released the blade and took a step back.

"There is a difference between courage and stupidity." he said. "If you think you can challenge a God, then I will have to teach you a lesson." Grenth then clenched his fist and lifted it above his head. As he did so, undead corpses broke through the floor of the tavern. He had risen seven dead bodies.

Talok rushed towards the undead creatures without a moment of delay. He slashed and slashed at the first corpse until it was a mere pile of limbs. He then spun around and severed the heads off of two bodies. As the headless bodies clawed at him he was grabbed from behind by another corpse. He struggled to break free.

A loud explosion shook the tavern as Nomai shot a blast of fire at the two headless corpses. Talok dove forward, giving her the opportunity to shoot the corpse that was clinging onto his back. Nomai then created a wall of flame in front of Talok, which he swung his blade through. The flame wrapped around his blade as it slashed into the bodies. He then stood, breathing heavily, ready to slash at Grenth should he approach.

Grenth raised his hands and clapped. "You fight as if you have experience, but at your age I'm sure it's more of a combination of luck and foolishness." he said. "You can keep your life this time, but I am the God of death. All souls return to me for judgement... some sooner than others. I suggest you keep your blade, and your friend there," he said nodding towards Nomai, "close always." He then turned around and walked out through the doorway. Talok finally fell onto his knees, exhausted.

"Are you stupid! It's a miracle that you still have your soul attached to your body you fool!" screamed Nomai. Tears began to flow down her face as she fell to her knees and hugged him. The people in the tavern began to cheer, as if everyone had been dead until that moment. They all rushed around Talok and raised him onto their shoulders. They were in the presence of a hero, but what they failed to realize was that this was just the beginning of his legend.

Talok and Nomai were given a room in the tavern for free and a meal fit for a king. They ate until they couldn't manage to have any more, then they slept as if they had never slept before. All night Talok dreamed about slaying beasts, which he was prepared to do as soon as he had some rest. The next day he would seek out a new challenge.

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At this point you should be able to tell whether or not you like my style of writing. Anyone interested in seeing more please comment. The more comments, the more time I'll dedicate to each chapter and the more often I'll write new chapters. Hope you guys like the story so far.

shadeblade47 · Jun 30, 2011, 02:02 AM // 02:02

Possible location of Chapter 3...

shadeblade47 · Jun 30, 2011, 02:03 AM // 02:03

Possible location of Chapter 4...

shadeblade47 · Jun 30, 2011, 02:04 AM // 02:04

Possible location of Chapter 5...

Snograt · Jun 30, 2011, 02:07 PM // 14:07

Better here, actually.

"Share your artwork, wallpapers, videos, writings and poetry with others here."

The emboldened part is somewhat neglected - knock yourself out!

zodic daggs · Jun 30, 2011, 06:02 PM // 18:02

i'd like to see more chapters i like it

shadeblade47 · Jun 30, 2011, 10:31 PM // 22:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snograt

Better here, actually.

"Share your artwork, wallpapers, videos, writings and poetry with others here."

The emboldened part is somewhat neglected - knock yourself out!

Honestly I thought so but I literally checked every single thread and they were all artwork, I guess peer pressure got the better of me and sent me elsewhere :P

*Darcy* · Jun 30, 2011, 11:46 PM // 23:46

Let's have some more of the story. There is too little on which to base a decision.

shadeblade47 · Jul 01, 2011, 12:39 AM // 00:39

Alright well clearly at least a couple of people have read through it so I suppose writing some more wouldn't be a waste of time. I wanted to be sure that I didn't just get a bunch of "wow you're bad at writing just stop" before I wasted a lot of time on this. I enjoy writing as long as there are people to enjoy reading what I write

. I'll get to work adding some more but anyone interested be sure to comment, the more comments the more I'll add and the more frequently I'll add it.

Atro · Jul 01, 2011, 01:22 AM // 01:22

Looks interesting so far, lets see how it goes

shadeblade47 · Jul 01, 2011, 05:06 PM // 17:06

Added chapter 2 for anyone interested

shadeblade47 · Jul 03, 2011, 11:45 PM // 23:45

Remember if you're interested to post, I won't add chapters until people leave some feedback on the last chapter. This will be my last bump, if the thread dies it dies :P

Aeronwen · Jul 04, 2011, 12:37 PM // 12:37

Quote:

Originally Posted by shadeblade47

Honestly I thought so but I literally checked every single thread and they were all artwork, I guess peer pressure got the better of me and sent me elsewhere :P

Check out Thistles thread - her stories are awesome.

http://www.guildwarsguru.com/forum/t...t10478052.html

The only problem is that they leave you wanting more.

Don't forget people need more time to go through a story than to look at a picture so it may be a longer wait. Also some people like to wait until its finished because it is really too bad if you get interested in a story and there is a long delay in the next chapter - or it doesn't appear at all.

shadeblade47 · Jul 04, 2011, 11:41 PM // 23:41

I'm one of those people who hates waiting for things so I plan on keeping chapters coming anywhere from weekly to daily, I just want to be sure that people are interested. Otherwise, my thread is just taking up space on the forums. Chapter 2 was up about an hour and a half after somebody suggested I add more in order to base a better opinion :P
And I don't just want positive feedback, I'm also looking for criticism and even negative feedback. I do not intend on making a career of writing or anything like that but I've always enjoyed doing it and it's always been my best subject in school. Even if people aren't interested, If I improve then I'll have gotten something out of this. As a bit of an escapist I mainly enjoy being able to create an interesting new world, then filling it with people in things, and finally building on to all of those people until it all feels less like something somebody wrote and more like a real story.

*Darcy* · Jul 06, 2011, 09:53 AM // 09:53

I do have to say that challenging a god at the beginning of the story seems to leave little room to increase his legend. What can he do that would be bigger? Waiting to see.

You might want to proofread better.

1. Chap 2, 2nd sentence - wrong form of to/too/two. If you skip over the whole "don't end a sentence in a preposition" you still want "to" instead of "too" which means also.

2. Chap 2, judgement.. some - if this is meant to be an elipsis, you are missing a dot, there should be three of them.

shadeblade47 · Jul 06, 2011, 08:18 PM // 20:18

The whole point of him challenging a god was basically that later on the god would be trying to throw obstacles in his way (sort of like Odysseus) while he was doing other epic whatnot. i also wanted to show how then unlike now in tyria the gods walked the earth and interacted from time to time. may even play off of the fact that talok was compared to Balthazar. idk i generally just write without planning then work off of what i have. life isnt planned in advance so i take the same approach to writing and in AP classes it's never failed me in the end :/
btw, are you an english teacher darcy? O.o

*Darcy* · Jul 07, 2011, 01:51 AM // 01:51

Not a teacher of any kind, but I studied foreign languages for years. It tends to create a deep knowledge of English grammar. Then I spent 10 years working at a public relations firm where every article had to be proofread by multiple people. So I get really picky about spelling and grammar.

Seeing typos or misused words or grammar tend to yank me out of the story, so I find it annoying.

shadeblade47 · Jul 07, 2011, 05:13 AM // 05:13

well sorry if the missing . and o pulled you out O.o

Aeronwen · Jul 07, 2011, 11:53 AM // 11:53

I read the first two, I would very much like to read more.

My general feeling is that whats there could be fleshed out more with a bit more description, so far it reads more like a film script.