Curse

zehly · Aug 31, 2005, 01:39 PM // 13:39

Preface
To the moderators: I know very well that this thread does not belong in this forum. Though one facet of this story does contain allusions to Guild Wars, it is at most, off-topic. Yet I beseach you not to move this thread, for reasons I cannot even begin to articulate. Statistically, this forum has more threads and posts than any other, and it is my wish that it be read. Please, grant me this stay, if not for passion, then for decency. I do realize, however, that it may be moved at your discresion.
To my fellow players: This story, though christend with emotion and passion, and glazed with sorrow and agony, is indeed a true story. To me, it is the sadest moment of my life, so-much-so that I have been granted a week paid time off from work. Please this with sympathy.

My (Short) Narrative
When I was a younger girl in High-School, oh, perhaps in the tenth grade (I am now twenty), I met a wonderful girl of equal age named Eileen. Her eyes were blue, her hair a light brown, and her face was that of a child. I fell instantly in love with her, and she also fell in love with me. Though the details of this relationship are at best trivial to you, it was--and is--an important step in my life. For I, Lain, was a depressed young girl, stricken with depression and a will to die. To me, Eileen was a last hope, and became what I can only refer to as a savior.

Times changed, as they always do, and as close as we are, there came a point when distance would try our love for one another. Her father, being an honest businessman, had the fortune of finding a better job in New Orleans, Louisiana.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Oh how it did. Constantly I was saving money for trips to N'Orleans, and vice-versa. To us, love was like an infection that had spread to our souls.

Most recently on a visit to her, I purchased a copy of something I thought she'd enjoy as a fellow anime lover. I bought her a copy of Guild Wars. She became quite fond of the game, and we spent hours upon hours playing. Sometimes we would just hang out in the Guild Hall and talk, and talk, and talk, and role-play. I leased a Ventrilo server so we could have a way to talk whilst we played the game.

The Tragedy
I learned earlier last week of a terrible storm that was en route to my beloved Eileen. I instantly volunteered to go visit her and keep her company in a time of looming disaster. She assured me that she would be safe--nothing would go wrong. Something did go wrong.

When Sunday rolled around, she told me that should be evacuating to Baton Rouge. Her family was out of town on vacation, and, despite there efforts, could not make it. Flights into and out of the area had been postponed. She was alone, and I was terrified.

Eileen never made it out. Her car would not start. She took refuge in her attic. I prayed for her--and I'm not a religously inclined individual.

Monday morning I called her on the cell phone. She was holding out. Our conversation ended abruptly, before I could utter those intoxicating words: "I love you." I tried back. No answer. I went to work.

I can home and frantically tried calling. No answer.

Tuesday morning. No answer.

The news came to me this morning by way of her father, who, alone, traveled to Baton Rouge. On Tuesday morning, he searched for her in the shelters with no avail. He spoke with emergency rescue workers.

Upon recieving the news that a twenty-year old female could be trapped in the attic of a house in N'Orleans, rescue works initiated an emergency plan to recover her.

[FONT=Arial]When they via helicopter to the house, they discovered her body floating in placid water, surrounded by the four walls that were the outside of her house. Upon recovering the body, they determined she died of blunt trauma to the head.

I can't go on with this story.

Conclusion
I don't know what more to say, except that tears are flooding my very own apartment. What more do I have, but the fond memories of Eileen? I..

EILEEN... I LOVE YOU... PLEASE COME BACK TO ME

Arcanis Imperium · Aug 31, 2005, 01:51 PM // 13:51

I am very sorry for all the pain your going through, and for her death so early in life.

I have someone I love aswell, and have loved for years. She's my best friend and if something ever happened to her, I dont know what I could possibly do to go on.

Stay strong, keep in touch with friends and family, and whatever you do, never be alone with your thoughts, they'll drive you crazy if you cant say them to someone.

Aracos79 · Aug 31, 2005, 02:06 PM // 14:06

My most heartfelt thoughts and prayers at your loss. This is just one of the many sad stories we will be hearing in the aftermath of Katrina. I've been forcibly seperated from my best friend for almost a year now, and as bad as that pain is, I can't imagine how much deeper yours is.

Find someone who can be with you. Staying alone in your grief can be dangerous when one is under such stress. God bless you and be with you.

Aniewiel · Aug 31, 2005, 02:12 PM // 14:12

There is little to be said that can ease your pain but know that there are others out there trying to lift your burden through prayerful conversation and with concerned thoughts. Stay close to others who knew Eileen and revel in your collective memories of her. Being alone at such a time can be devestatingly difficult.

My prayers are with you and with her family.

Klael · Aug 31, 2005, 02:26 PM // 14:26

Be strong and take care of yourself.

Obsiedion · Aug 31, 2005, 02:40 PM // 14:40

Zehly, so many things i wish i could say but they would only sound insincere. Remember chliche as it sounds love doesnt die, and aslong as you hold Eileen in your heart, she will never truely be gone.

may the goddess guide and watch over you.

Obs

Mumblyfish · Aug 31, 2005, 02:49 PM // 14:49

Sorry to hear that your friend died, especially in such easily avoidable circumstances. It may seem in poor taste to offer advice, but you admit you've got a history of depression. Wallowing in your apartment alone will only encourage said depression to manifest itself, only this time it'll be bigger and badder. Go outside, talk to friends, maybe even get another hobby. You needn't purge all memory of your friend, just don't allow it to run your life.

If you do want someone to talk to consider visiting your GP or a psych. You might even want to get some low-dose antidepressents prescribed. They'll help you sleep better.

zehly · Aug 31, 2005, 02:55 PM // 14:55

*Cry* Thank you guys so much for your support... It's nice to know that people in your favorite community are there to support you in times of need.. I'll keep you guys updated...

Yours,
zehly

salja Wachi · Aug 31, 2005, 02:55 PM // 14:55

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mumblyfish

Sorry to hear that your friend died, especially in such easily avoidable circumstances. It may seem in poor taste to offer advice, but you admit you've got a history of depression. Wallowing in your apartment alone will only encourage said depression to manifest itself, only this time it'll be bigger and badder. Go outside, talk to friends, maybe even get another hobby. You needn't purge all memory of your friend, just don't allow it to run your life.

If you do want someone to talk to consider visiting your GP or a psych. You might even want to get some low-dose antidepressents prescribed. They'll help you sleep better.

quoted for truth. go out and do something. (maybe do something nice for someone who needs it. you will feel better L(

take care of yourself

Mithie · Aug 31, 2005, 02:56 PM // 14:56

Well, her father must feel pretty crummy too. You two should comfort each other.

Shanaeri Rynale · Aug 31, 2005, 03:00 PM // 15:00

I am truly sorry to hear of your loss. It's hard to take the loss of a close friend esp in such circumstances. There's not much anyone can say that is'nt a cliche or that sounds twee, but from someone who has lost someone close, the pain does go with time and don't be afraid to tell people how you feel. Your post took courage to do, and although it may not seem it, it is a small, but postive step fowards.

trelloskilos · Aug 31, 2005, 03:24 PM // 15:24

I cannot express the sorrow I feel after reading that story, Zehly. I cn only empathize as much as anyone who has ever lost a close friend, family member, relative or lover in the past.

The hurt must feel excruciating and unbearable, but it will gradually fade in time. It will never go away completely, but it will receede. It's up to you how long it takes. Some people choose to live with it forever, and unfortunately, in doing so, they drastically reduce the potential that their own lives can fulfil, as well as directly affect those still around them.

Like Mumblyfish said, you do have to carry on. Cry if it eases the pain, mourn, as it is a therapy, and never forget Eileen, but at some point, you have to open your eyes and carry on with life. If not for yourself, then for her.

My prayers and condolences are with you.

MSecorsky · Aug 31, 2005, 03:28 PM // 15:28

Words simply fail. Emotion cannot be properly typed. I have no idea who you are... but I share your pain. Please take care.

zehly · Aug 31, 2005, 03:33 PM // 15:33

So far my day after the news has been like this:

Take a nap
Get on GW
Set Ignore on Friend list
Smoke a Cigarette
Play random PvP and suck at it
Drink vodka
Read Forums and post to keep my mind occupied
Start at beginning of cycle.

I know, it sounds pathetic, but at this point, until my friend makes it here (flying from Los Angeles) I have nothing better to do.

Is it Ok to play GW after this? It keeps my mind off things. I already take anti-depressants, btw. I know.. drinking and smoking is bad...

Thank you all...

Dame&Beast · Aug 31, 2005, 03:35 PM // 15:35

Oh my dear.... I send hugs to you to ease your pain... I am so sorry for your loss... Please know in your heart...she died knowing the love you had for her..... Most people die never knowing love, and that is sad...Revel in the love you shared, for she would not want the pain to eat you... She loved you in life and she loves you in death as well....One thing that NEVER dies sweetheart is love... It is carried always.. *true love never dies* Rise up and smile knowing that you two shared what most people look a lifetime for

zehly · Aug 31, 2005, 03:41 PM // 15:41

If I had a signature, it would be forever this:

---------------------------------
"Love is the emblem of eternity; it confounds all notions of time; effaces all memory of beginning, all fear of an end." - Germaine De Stael

"Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace. The soul that knows it not, knows no release from little things; knows not the livid loneliness of fear." - Amelia Earhart

In Love Memory: E. S. F. (08/12/85 - 08/30/05)

Aracos79 · Aug 31, 2005, 03:43 PM // 15:43

Hell yes playing GW is good. I know when things get rough for me, games are my refuge. It gets you away from the harsh realities of this world, and helps relieve the stress and tension. Everybody needs an outlet, a way to escape, especially when they are dealing with something so painful.

You aren't alone. People are thinking of you and praying for you here and elsewhere. God is never far off in times of trouble.

Mavrik · Aug 31, 2005, 03:44 PM // 15:44

sorry for your loss, I suck at expressing comforting words but my heart goes out to you. Take care.

Severe · Aug 31, 2005, 03:51 PM // 15:51

My deepest condolences go out to you, take care, and god bless.

Sanji · Aug 31, 2005, 04:01 PM // 16:01

Like Aracos said, you are not alone. I also agree that there is nothing wrong with keeping yourself preoccupied. Take all the time you need to grieve but don't let it rule your life.

Please take care of yourself.