Curse

lg5000 · Sep 22, 2005, 03:45 AM // 03:45

As a mother, I have probably screwed up my kids lives already.

Children are most influenced by parents/people close to them in the first 5 years of their lives. If you can teach them right from wrong in those years, then hopefully, they'll make it through life without too many problems.

How did my parents screw up my life? I dunno, I don't think they did. I had all the freedom I wanted and needed. The things which screwed up life for me are outside of their direct influence, for the most of it.

How did I screw up my kids lives? Well.. I got divorced from their father after being married for 9 years and had the police over several times while the children were with me, in relation to their father. (don't get me wrong here, he's a great dad and there is no way I'm gonna stop them knowing him)

How did outside influences screw them up?
A bush fire which destroyed 500 homes and killed 4 people also destroyed their home and almost all their possessions, as well as killing the family cat.. the year after, their parents went for the divorce.

I have no idea how they'll turn out when they hit their teens, so far, they seem to be ok, but I know I won't find out the full effects of those two major disasters in their lives till they are older.

Old Dood · Sep 22, 2005, 03:49 AM // 03:49

My parents got divorced. What is so special about that? Well it was in the mid 1960's. That was not socialy acceptable back then as it is now. We were the Odd family. My parents were just plain selfish. Allot were back then. Or just plain oblivious to their children's wants and needs.

Today my children say to us we are the Odd family. Why? Because we are still married. My children's friends are all from broken homes. My wife and I could have called it quits many,many times over the last 23 years. We didn't when times were rough because of the children. Now since we have mellowed with age we have learned to love one another(better) and compromise. To me compromise is the key to a successful marriage.

Now if people would just sit back and look at their marriage(instead of just themselves)and start putting into it then it will be allot more successful. I do not believe there is love at first sight. There is lust at first sight. I believe that love within a marriage grows over time. You learn to love one another. This will filter down to your children as well.

William The Smasher · Sep 22, 2005, 03:59 AM // 03:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by User Name

I feel that way after burying 27 of my friends...I feel that way after 2 years in prison...I feel that way after raising a 4 yr old child...I'll feel that way in 10 years too. Blaming other people will never be a resolution...

i don't mean to pry, and it probably isn't my place...but 27 friends? i would ask if u were in the marines...but then u say 2 years in prison...

Lag Hell · Sep 22, 2005, 04:01 AM // 04:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by SOT

Although I respect your willingness to tell your life story to a forum (not a good idea, as you know the kind of asshats that pounce on this stuff like flies on shit), I will only say that my mother was raped and here I am.

*hangs head in shame and looks for another vulnerable thread*

ManadartheHealer · Sep 22, 2005, 04:17 AM // 04:17

I was the first born....all the mistakes were made on me.

Lag Hell · Sep 22, 2005, 04:21 AM // 04:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by ManadartheHealer

I was the first born....all the mistakes were made on me.

So ur saying all only childs get screwed over...

User Name · Sep 22, 2005, 04:28 AM // 04:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by SOT

Were you born out of wedlock? If not, then eat your foot, ankle first, you are in no position to comprehend such a life-circumstance.

As I said in my first post in here, My mom was raped and here I am. Therefore, yeah, such a thing would damage someone. But then again, you seem to be Dr. Phil, so who am I kidding.

Stop breathing my air, kid.

no I was not born out of wedlock...though like you and the OP I never knew my father. He died 6 months after I was born.

wsmcasey: I don't blame myself for them...not anymore. I realize now that when you live the life we lived you're either going to end up dead or in jail...lucky for me it was jail. It took some time to realize that their fate wasn't in my control. Bad things happen to people every day...you just gotta suck it up.

William: I grew up in a rough area and hung around with the wrong people. But wrong people or not they were still friends

Lasareth · Sep 22, 2005, 04:36 AM // 04:36

I have no reason to be angry at anyone. I live in a well-off household and generally get the things I want/need.

I blame my parents for that

I don't think it's necessary to be angry at the world for something that happened to you. Being angry at a person who explicitly caused the issue is fine, that's logical. But there's a lot of people who aren't like them, some even might bring happiness back to fill the void of emptiness. Of course, trusting people would make one vulnerable again, which opens the weak spot for another pain.

Sometimes the most hardened people just don't want to get hurt. In my opinion that's fine, that's their choice, but shutting everyone out might block the people who make life worth much more than it would be alone

The Arcade Fire · Sep 22, 2005, 04:43 AM // 04:43

No offence Lasareth, but as you state yourself at the beginning of your post, you are in no position to tell people what to be angry at

Lasareth · Sep 22, 2005, 04:45 AM // 04:45

Just because I haven't had a traumatic life experience doesn't mean I can't understand something similar to it.

And I'm not telling anyone to do anything

I'm stating my opinion on it.

Alone) · Sep 22, 2005, 05:07 AM // 05:07

You wanted us to share our stories, here's mine:

Background: Born in San Jose, CA. Lived in Campbell whole life. Born Sept 28, 1987. (Turning 18 next week.) Ethnicity: Samoan/Filipino Religion: n/a but I believe in Animism.

1. My dad was a rage drunk. The last I can remember about this is that whenever my dad got home from work, he took his anger out on my mother, then on me. Then my mom took that out on me. However, after he stopped drinking, he kept beating me until I reached high school. What could I do against my samoan dad who's 5'7" who can bench press 300lbs? My mother kept me from being too close to my friends because she said that they were too immature for me.

2. Visiting L.A. (Los Angelos for those who don't know) California changed my life for the worse when I met my cousins. At the time almost all my cousins that I knew were in gangs. Either with Bloods, or Crips, or S.O.S. (Sons Of Samoa, even though it's overlooked as just Samoan pride). My parents all knowing that these kids were bad, put me with them. I found myself getting a basketball that they threw over a fence, and was stuck there for awhile. My parents didn't try bothering to find me until after they had dinner. I didn't get to eat.

3. When I was in third grade, I found myself hanging out witht he "bad" kids. The ones who try to have fun and look down girls shirts, throw sticks at kids who had rollerbackpacks, climb the fences and run off campus, and ignored what the teacher said the whole time. I really did not know what was right and wrong, so I just went with the fun. When I finally went over to a friends house, I met his drunk uncle. This is where I'll stop typing about this part.

4. I found myself to be a constant liar to keep myself out of trouble. My mom always lied to me before, so I thought it was okay. It kept me out from going to detention, getting beat up by school bullies, and actually helped me get through school. I always told a lie to where I went, what I did, etc. I then realized I becamse so good at it, that I never stopped.

5. I joined 2 gangs. Stopping here.

6. There was a period of time in my life where I can not remember anything that I did that year. When I asked for medical records, it said about me having a concussion from a blow. Whenever I asked my parents about it, they never answered.

7. When I was trasnitioning from middle to high school, I found myself experimenting with drugs. 'Till this day I still hate needles, and always will. I've tried stuff from cocaine to pcp. Never got addicted to any of it, gladly. But instead got addicted to cigarretes. When I finally told my parents about it, they just asked where I got them from, and never bothered to question anymore.

8. When I hit 6th grade, I made new friends. Good ones. Those became some of my best friends to this day. The ones who taught me how to play magic cards, starcraft, and they even talked about animorphs and the red wall series. But I still was lying to them because I was so used to it. I started to steal from my parents so I can buy magic cards and learn about it. I stole books from libraries and small bookstores. I loved to read a lot. But I never stole from my friends.

9. I had my first girlfriend in 8th grade. She was the type that was all into christianity, never wanting to do anything bad, never lied to me, always was there for me. But when she started saying things about how we were different just because I was catholic changed a whole lot of stuff. Over that summer I started my cheating ways in relationships. I cheated for about month, things got back together for awhile. But in the end, she broke up with me after 8 months. One of the reasons still being I was catholic, and I couldn't see things her way.

10. I break the laws. Well, driving laws. I've been driving illegally for 5 years. 4 of them devoted to learn how to street race. no more about racing. The one more year was to help my family out in doing errands when my parents became sick.

I took a few hours actually to type this up and edit before posting. Obviously, there are just somethings that a person has to keep to him or herself.

How I turned up:

After 5 relationships, I've been going out with my very loved Angelica for 1 year, 10 months this Oct. 1. (Started Dec. 1) I stopped smoking when I got into high school. My family life has changed. I have two little brothers to take care of, and my dad has stopped beating. My mother has actually become the mother I've always wanted. I have not lied about anything serious since I did enter high school. I have become more respectful of myself and others.

And I'm still addicted to games.

Sure, I hated what happened to me in the past. But I really like how I ended up. Really really really do. Seriously.

Problems now: I have a big ego. I'm sometimes of a smartass. I have too much pride. But I try not to show it.

Edit: Finding a way how to vent problems is very hard. Letting it all out can sometimes be too harsh on the soul. But letting it all out slowly is how I became me. I do not know all the circumstances on how you all came to start posting here, but there are always people who will care, even if we might be 100,000 miles apart and never spoke to each other.

Going to get a tissue. I'm a wussy. I hate scary/gory movies. I'm emotional, I cry when watching any movie that has somethin very happy, or very sad. ie. Titanic, Bambi, and even Freaky Friday.

Guillaume De Sonoma · Sep 22, 2005, 05:09 AM // 05:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by ManadartheHealer

I was the first born....all the mistakes were made on me.

I am the only child so Mom hasn't lesrned sny better yet, but I see my cousins who are a lor different than me and i would hate to be like them so I am still happy with how my mom raised me but she has defenitly made mistakes.

Alone) · Sep 22, 2005, 05:13 AM // 05:13

Being the first born is harsh. I am too. Right now I'm working to help pay my brother schooling because they are going to private schools. Wish I went to those. But all for the better. Take it as your siblings will be able to learn from you, if you let it.

Divinitys Creature · Sep 22, 2005, 10:00 AM // 10:00

Blaming jerks for the shit they did > blaming yourself somehow. If you don't blame people for doing shit and try and move on without it you will probably blame yourself somehow. Just my 2GP

Shadowdaemon · Sep 22, 2005, 10:08 AM // 10:08

yeah my parents totally messed me up, so did violence on television, marilyn mansons lyrics, the government, and carbohydrates, and anything else morons blame all their problems on, i totally had nothing to do with it, neither did any of the choices i made....

Naprius · Sep 22, 2005, 10:11 AM // 10:11

im totally normal, i have a loving and caring family. and still i play GW like a madman.. its GW fault , not ur family's

Naprius · Sep 22, 2005, 10:12 AM // 10:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadowdaemon

yeah my parents totally messed me up, so did violence on television, marilyn mansons lyrics, the government, and carbohydrates, and anything else morons blame all their problems on, i totally had nothing to do with it, neither did any of the choices i made....

that sounds awfully familiar...
american way of life???

wsmcasey · Sep 22, 2005, 03:22 PM // 15:22

My mother's parents were divorced in the 60's and it was devastating for the family. She has never healed from it. I just had to learn live with the aftermath. Aside from having to grow up with several stepfathers and countless boyfriends that she had, there were several tramatic experiences that you just can't erase from your mind. I know on several occasions I accidently walked in on my mother having sex with new boyfriends. When I was 8 years old I walked in on my mother having sex with a guy, and a threw a book on the bed titled "A guide to safe sex", and I walked out.

Needless to say, when I became a teenager I had a twisted outlook on sex and dating in general. I had countless one nightstands, and a few girls that I cheated on until I finally figured out what I really wanted from a relationship. I've been married for 11 years and have 2 children. I use my pain from childhood as a valuable lesson. I vowed that when I got married and had children that I would make it work no matter what and try to set a good example for my children. In many ways it has benefited my marriage because I don't think I would have tried as hard to keep my marriage together if I hadn't been thru all the crap as a child. I wonder what the future has in store for my children?

Manderlock · Sep 22, 2005, 05:40 PM // 17:40

My parents werent the best, but thet certainly werent the worst ether.

Blaming yourself for something you didnt do, that is a develipment problem.

I mean come blaming yourself (when you truly had no say in the matter) thats one of the worst things you can do to yourself.

PieXags · Sep 23, 2005, 06:41 AM // 06:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by Manderlock

I mean come blaming yourself (when you truly had no say in the matter) thats one of the worst things you can do to yourself.

Unless it's the truth.