Curse

Kusandaa · Oct 22, 2006, 03:56 AM // 03:56

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. I've lived with him since a month after we started to go out with each other. We don't have problem over everything and even though we disagree on some stuff, we're mature enough to compromise or find the middle.

We had been joking every now and then on getting married (since Quebec has legalized gay weddings in 2004) but the more we thought about it, the more it sounded as we SHOULD do it; even if it's to make taxes, grants and everything else. And even though we were considered as common-law parterns, I just wanted something... better. So we got engaged in November 2004. Now we're just waiting on a civic union, but we keep to have to push the date (I moved this summer, and we wanted it on Halloween day but didn't think to make the application 20 days prior, GG >_<).

Mercury Angel · Oct 22, 2006, 07:44 PM // 19:44

I think people overestimate the supposed decline in morals and chastity;
People got married younger in the past, and had sex at younger ages than we think appropriate in this day of age. People are getting married later now, but have the same urges people did back then.

If you don't think both the lower, middle, AND upper class at any point in time weren't getting it on like bunnies outside of marital contracts frequently, you're deluding yourself.

Yes, some people felt more socially obligated to be abstainent, but that hardly stops people from doing what they want in the throes of passion.

That being said, I'm not too surprised, I guess. Mental disorder rates are only going up, for instance, and that's not all. And I don't just mean depression and anorexia, though I feel people dismiss them too readily; Autism is an example of something that could definitely influence marriage rates, and it's on the rise.

Guardian of the Light · Oct 22, 2006, 09:40 PM // 21:40

Relax.

There are Baby Boom and busts which control the average population age and what the general population does.

AND if the general population is around 10-25ish then you'll see less married people.

Give it a while and everyone will get married and we'll experiance a wedding boom.

zwitterion · Oct 23, 2006, 09:33 PM // 21:33

There's little cultural support for it now in the west. When I talk with say, Moroccan(sp?) friends, or even a lot of my Italian rellies, there's a pretty obvious cultural difference in that for us, life is lived individually and marriage is a choice dependent on how we're doing with a partner, how selfish we've gotten (i never could settle down with anyone for very long...), how we think the future might look cohabitating with someone or getting some kids... in short, it's a choice based on how we're feeling.

The difference I see in a lot of non-western cultures today, and presumably western cultures of a hundred years ago, is that there marriage and family is assumed to be a feature a successful life, like getting a car or a solid career. So people grow up asking themselves "I wonder when I'll meet my spouse" instead of "do I want to get married". The family, friends and community all support this predisposition, the culture in other words, and that's a harder thing to break with on a whim than our current contentiously defined idea of marriage in western countries.

Our culture, the background mix of mass media, peers' values and parental guidance which affects our own values far more than any of us ever admit, simply doesn't place that much weight on marriage anymore as an essential feature of a life and relegates it instead to the status of a romantic accessory to our - entirely optional - relationships.

Redfeather1975 · Oct 24, 2006, 02:25 AM // 02:25

It's because babies are becoming more evil, and nobody wants to bring more evil into the world.

It's true. Don't deny it anyone. Else the babies will sneak into your window and take you away.

Inde · Oct 24, 2006, 02:52 AM // 02:52

You know it actually brings up some really interesting arguement and debates but one reason is the media's influence. No no no, I'm not one of those who would blame the media for any person's ultimate actions, but if all we see are those statistics of 50% of marriages end in divorce, marriages are on the decline, who needs a piece of paper to show commitment, and more it does shape the mindset of a generation. The same way that women went back to work in the 80's with such force, the same reason that the ultimate 'wife' was sensationalized in the 50's. How much influence does the media really play in this? It paints such a bleak outlook that you now feel in the minority if, heaven forbid, you actually want a traditional marriage and family. GASP!

Doomlord_Slayermann · Oct 24, 2006, 04:07 AM // 04:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inde

You know it actually brings up some really interesting arguement and debates but one reason is the media's influence. No no no, I'm not one of those who would blame the media for any person's ultimate actions, but if all we see are those statistics of 50% of marriages end in divorce, marriages are on the decline, who needs a piece of paper to show commitment, and more it does shape the mindset of a generation. The same way that women went back to work in the 80's with such force, the same reason that the ultimate 'wife' was sensationalized in the 50's. How much influence does the media really play in this? It paints such a bleak outlook that you now feel in the minority if, heaven forbid, you actually want a traditional marriage and family. GASP!

The global media is going to suck the independent thought out of us, and we are going to like it because the media tells us that we do. Welcome to the suck.

The Silver Star · Oct 24, 2006, 10:58 AM // 10:58

Honestly.... if your not christian why get married? thats what a lot of people think and.. there right.

Doomlord_Slayermann · Oct 24, 2006, 02:11 PM // 14:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Silver Star

Honestly.... if your not christian why get married? thats what a lot of people think and.. there right.

So other religions don't matter then? Honestly, think before you post.

zwitterion · Oct 24, 2006, 06:58 PM // 18:58

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Silver Star

Honestly.... if your not christian why get married? thats what a lot of people think and.. there right.

Actually, atheism aside I think Christians (non-catholics) might be least-married-adherents-to-a-major-religion in the world. (yeah i think of atheism as a religion but i guess that's another thread entirely). Hindus and Muslims at least beat the pants off christians when it comes to marriage rates. [totally unsupported empirical observation. i'd google it if i could be bothered but i think i'm right]

Doomlord_Slayermann · Oct 24, 2006, 07:01 PM // 19:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by zwitterion

Actually, atheism aside I think Christians (non-catholics) might be least-married-adherents-to-a-major-religion in the world. (yeah i think of atheism as a religion but i guess that's another thread entirely). Hindus and Muslims at least beat the pants off christians when it comes to marriage rates. [totally unsupported empirical observation. i'd google it if i could be bothered but i think i'm right]

I think that depends on what you define as a "Christian", which again is another thread entirely.

zwitterion · Oct 24, 2006, 07:12 PM // 19:12

heh yeah. but at any rate obviously "christian" culture supports marriage more than "atheistic western" culture.

lord_shar · Oct 24, 2006, 07:41 PM // 19:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Silver Star

Honestly.... if your not christian why get married? thats what a lot of people think and.. there right.

Um, for tax breaks and other financial benefits?

Yeah, love is over-rated

EDIT: Been happily married for a little more than a year, but life is good! Yes, my better half also plays GW and attends LAN parties with me. Can't really ask for too much more...

Kusandaa · Oct 31, 2006, 02:39 AM // 02:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Silver Star

Honestly.... if your not christian why get married? thats what a lot of people think and.. there right.

Also because some couples can't have kids on their own, want to adopt and can't unless they're married (in some countries, it marriage is a serious requirement... if you're single or even in a common-law union, you can't).

Personally, I don't want kids. I don't think myself as fit enough to be a father (maybe not mature enough? I'm still pretty much of a kid sometimes...) and my boyfriend can't stand them. And sometimes I don't blame him (then I just blame the parents who think school should educate kids but school counts on parents, etc etc... yes I'm rambling =P)

Sidra · Oct 31, 2006, 03:07 AM // 03:07

Meh. More than half of my friends have on-the-rocks parents, or divorced parents. And I hear them talking about their split up folks all the time. >.>

Kusandaa · Oct 31, 2006, 04:02 AM // 04:02

I've got a bunch of friends who, every now and then, will mention "This week I'm going to mom's" or "I can't stand dad's new girlfriend" (that's the ones I get very often). Actually I'm one of the rare ones who can say they grew in a stable family... and it's sad -.-. Note that my friends are in the 16-25 age range.

I'll take Fadey's (my boyfriend) example. His parents divorced because his mother is a complete dramaqueen and his father is uber-Christian. After the 4th kid they had (Fadey), they got fed up over another and it didn't end good at all. Result: mother calls and complains all the time about his father, then complains about me for "corrupting" their last son, while the fathers hates my guts for the 2nd reason. GG >_<. At least they agrees surely not that that's gonna patch 'em up.

Now, my question is... why having kids if you KNOW you're gonna eventually divorce? Why letting them through hell? Does nature pushes us as far as reproducing and then just stop caring about who we're with, or have humans become pretty selfish?