Curse

Rustjive · Apr 20, 2007, 06:14 PM // 18:14

GWG Note: This was originally posted on Guild-Hall; I had thought it would be inappropriate for Guru, so I didn't even try. However, I spoke to Inde about it today, and I got an enthusiastic response, so it’ll be posted on both forums simultaneously from now on. Enjoy!

Note: This is a somewhat satirical, but a 100% true (maybe) sourceless gossip page to catch people up on the happenings of the Guild Wars PvP community. After all, not everyone can sit around in GWP all day and keep track of anything, and if you can’t, I suggest the Special Olympics. Have fun!
Guild Wars Page (Err)Seven

The QQ Edition
With so much news about QQ you’ll probably think you’re s-ing their d

The Guild of Self-Fulfilling Prophecies

The birds are chirping. The bees are buzzing. Children are frolicking in the meadow. But there is no sunshine for Guild Wars’ saddest guild, Team Quitter [QQ]. There is no frolicking, there is no meadow. A mainstay of our column, the guild version of Katina suffered another setback last week, when Famous and Smgzor left the guild to go join Kuntz Trucking Company [Honk].

Long time followers of Team Drama Queens will note that Famous was the guild leader, and so his leaving seems to herald a new age for the Quitters. Smgzor leaving too creates a huge void in the Team Crying Emos frontline, and reports indicate that Tom, the other half of the vaunted Team Our Tag Is A Sadface’s backline, is going to take a break from the game too, citing “Lack of Former Core members playing.”

Late Saturday night, it seemed that Kestrel was out of the equation too, being seen with a [cow] tag in some GvGs. Look what you did, Custo!

So the original fabulous 8 (and boy, were they faaabuuuulous!), have been whittled down into just 4 – Axiom, Tommy, Daemon, and Kestrel (turned out he faked it! Like all his girlfriends! Oh burned!). Rep Protein A was taken off the bench to be the new other starting monk. Likewise, Hutto slides into a midline role, while Chiizu and Squidget are the two new frontliners for Team How Could This Happen to Us.

Already the word on the streets is that it’s the end of a glorious age (although the real Danjang guested!), and that the new QQ sucks. A win over [Honk] though (with Famous and Smgzor on the other side) seems to have righted the losing ship a little, but hatin’ *****es are quick to point out that it was with 4 thumpers. Which begs the question…

…does QQ ownzzzz?

...QQ Does Ownz!

The last news bit would’ve been completely true, probably a first in this space, if not for a late night #gwp drama session, prompted by QQ’s ‘could have been better’ night of GvG, replete with losses to Team Crystalline [TC] (a new ownz candidate, maybe) and Dei Victorae [dV]. Famous, who was so kind to start it off with a “QQ Sucks!”, ignited accusations of Josh (Axiom) pressuring Custo indirectly to quit Guild Wars. The resulting firestorm revealed these important facts:

- Everyone in QQ hates Josh
- Josh made Custo quit the game
- Famous is a bad leader and needs to look to Josh for advice
- Tom’s hiatus and Vanq’s not playing is due to Josh
- Multiple people have said these things
- Thom is in QQ
- QQ is iQ
- 5 out of the 7 above facts are true
- 5 out of the 8 above facts are true

Have fun! For those that missed it, I wouldn’t be surprised if the Mostly Harmless [MH] Warriors (more like the Mostly Harmless ****stirrers, imo) had a copy of the goings on. JR, Crugin and Phelann were all trying their damnedest to slay the beast...so to speak.

Little Tiny Dead Baby-Sized News Items

The big news item last week was Doji ditching his guild Time is Running [OUT] to join the Idiot Savants [iQ]. This week, some of the fallout from the decision came to the surface. [OUT]’s Con Dar jogged all of our memories, when he said this isn’t the first time that Rayne the raided the guild – last time, iQ made off with Pyrus Kril. Arrr!

A few members of Mostly Harmless also had their piece to say about the out situation, their piece always being “We’re good friends, you’re not, losers.” Quite the drama llama guild…

QQ’s 1 guild alliance added a new member last week – There Is A Cow Level [cow]. Their alliance pug is Hell Froze Over [cQQw]. Enough said…

Speaking of [cow], it seems like the [cow] new recruit experiment continues. Chiizu left the guild for QQ, and recently Solace left for Cry for Eternity [Cry]. The revolving door continues to spin, with WorkHer leaving too. Since then, [cow] has picked up Eiser, formerly of [OUT] and Deep, formerly of [dV]…and [cow]. We can see where this is going…Brett is working now, so he’s playing less, which leads us to say that as always, [cow] + no Brett playing + no Champ playing = no one cares...

Speaking of [Cry] (my segues are just priceless), our favorite “Spanktank is the most overrated piece of crap trash talker ever” guild, I’d like to extend my condolences to them being mentioned 3 weeks in a row for no good reason. Blame Thom – rest assured, he had one hundred billion chances to make the column good last week, but he left me with no choice…

The amount of fallout created by QQ is simply enormous…Even Drew gets a news item! The strained status of QQ forced Drew to pick just one guild – Unauthorized Transmission [uT] or QQ – and in picking QQ he effectively disbanded uT. The worst part is, he broke up with his long time love, Sunny, over text message! Scum…

Oh, look, it’s Katina – she even she sneaks in a news item this week – she was last seen in a spirited argument with Lucy (from Some Perpetually Bad Guild [lucyisbad]) about who was the worst player on QQ forums. Or was it who do we care about less (it’s true Katina, you better polish up your star, girl!)?...

We’ve mentioned Sunny Melons in this news space before – but, gotta say, Page (Err)7 is a space for beautiful people, so this is the last time, bye…Crugin **** his pants during GvG…A few guilds capitalized on their Celestial Tournament success, with a certain gold caped guild humming the tune of “100k for member, 400k for permanent member”…Even silver caped guilds got into the act – 30k in Kamadan, then 15k before the core members peaced out…wR was in talks to maybe merge with FFs, but Yue said he wanted to fish instead…wR then sold itself to a Mexican (blame my source, Desp, not me!) for 50 ectos...Taion formerly of Char and wR tried out for dV, then was reunited with SJ rage – peace out…

General Srs Bsns PvP News
A serious section where we report the (drama-lite) goings-on of the community

All kidding aside with QQ, they ARE selectively recruiting for a ninth (or an eighth now). Or maybe even a tenth (ninth)! But don’t bother asking, the word selectively is in there for a reason – it’s to screen out people like you…

Jesuz was supposed to return to a new timeslot for Weapon of Choice: Weekday, but instead hasn’t showed up, for 3 straight shows...Ladies, if he’s your baby’s daddy, you’re SOL...We’re SOL too, stuck with Rob “Hey Rob, No One Cares About CNC3” Khonsu...

War Machine [WM] is back! There are some familiar faces on the roster (First Queen, Planeswalker), some pleasant surprises (Soul Wedding) and some new faces too. They even brought back our old friend boon prot...

Skill balancing seems to be happening on a very regular basis now, with changes occurring on a very regular basis. It’s even been rumored that some nice Jade Isle changes for the worst map in the game are coming. Looks like WoW’s replay value is seriously overrated for Izzy to have time to do this...

Even with the skill balances, by the way you hear cow Kry about it, you’ll be convinced that hexes are still way overpowered. And they are, most of the community agree. And despite the conjure element nerfs, “woop, there it is”…

[KvZ] was seen tanking their rating after farming up with imbalanced builds – we applaud them. Knowing you suck is the first step in the road to not sucking anymore...

Grackis is back with a new guild, Victory on Demand. Clever name, not so clever player...

Out of ashes of the celestial tournament, a few players have found new homes – Korean Qq joined [VoD], Warskull joined [TC], the remnants of uT joined [Ohp]...FFs decided to stick it out, and picked up iPod, Pok and Pale...