Curse

drasco · Mar 16, 2010, 04:37 PM // 16:37

Reminder of my application via PM

IGN: Volatilis Spiculum

Ralisti · Mar 16, 2010, 06:04 PM // 18:04

In high school I worked at a turkey barn. When the turkeys were about to be shipped off, I threw one in the back of my truck to take home so I could chop it up and cook it. Upon arrival, I opened up the back of the truck, and the turkey just takes off. After finally catching it, I hand my younger brother a lead pipe so he can pop it on the head while I hold the bird down. I told him, that whatever he did, DO NOT hit me, hit the bird's head. He says "I'm not that stupid, just let me do it already" So he winds up with this lead pipe, and BOOM, hits me right in the hand. The freakin turkey takes off running, (pretty sure he was laughing his tailfeathers off) and my brother takes off running the other direction crying because he's sure I'm going to kill him. So now, in complete pain and almost a broken bleeding hand, I have to pick up the pipe and go kill this turkey and clean it.

I look up in the window and my dad is crying he is laughing so hard

Not a good day for me, but the turkey sure tasted good.

Alexander Kane · Mar 16, 2010, 06:05 PM // 18:05

I used to teach a fitness class at preschools for 4's and 5's. Around Valentine's Day, I had gathered the 5 year olds around and asked, "Now who can tell me what Valentine's Day is all about?" One excited little boy raised his hand and shouted "Candy!" The little girl next to him sharply interrupted him, "No it's not, CHRISTMAS is about candy!"

Their teachers and I just about died laughing.

IGN: Kida Doomhammer

TeeMack · Mar 16, 2010, 11:47 PM // 23:47

Here's mine:

My friend was having a little get together at a hotel room for his 17th birthday, and he invited me and 2 other friends along. During the night, we arrived on our floor via elevator, only to be confronted by a group of 10 year old girls that were also celebrating a birthday. They started talking to us in a "crushy" kinda way and when we walked away they started chanting "DBags, dbags, dbags". One of my friends, who is 6 foot 6 tall, turned around, started stomping their way and screamed "SHUT UP YOU LITTLE B***H I'LL KILL YOU". I have never seen ANYONE so scared in my ENTIRE life.

100% true story.

IGN - De Hungerize

Fortuna1 · Mar 18, 2010, 05:16 PM // 17:16

Well this story is kind of grim, so sensitive people please do not read this.

It was the second year of high school (Grade 9 in South African terms), we were all chilling together in break and something weird happened the previous day, a guy put a dog sh*t in my friends pencil case as a joke - i found that funny - so the next day i told my friend i would pay him R20 if he took a sh*t in the guys pencil case (the one that put the dog turd is his pencil case), and well it was GRIM. We eventually got busted and were suspended for two weeks, but seeing the reaction on that guys face was worth it, it was priceless

Alma Edge.

eccarwiz · Mar 18, 2010, 09:44 PM // 21:44

From 5th-8th grade I went to a Jewish private middle school and every other year the 8th and 7th grade would go to Israel for 2 weeks. So finally it was time for the 7th and 8th grade (I was in 8th grade) to go to Israel.
During the two weeks I caused a lot of trouble, but it was nothing compared to what I did on the day we were supposed to fly home. On the last day my classmates and I had to stay in the hotel and wait until the bus came to bring us to the airport. So after about 2.5 hours I got really hungry so I told my roommate that I was going to sneak out of the hotel, get some food and come right back. And so I snuck out, got food, and got back to the hotel in about 15 min. without anyone noticing. Unfortunately I got chocolate, and as anyone can tell you once a kid eats candy they are going to want more.
So once again I told my roommate that I was going to get some food and I would be right back. However, once I got out of the hotel I couldn’t find the food shop again so I started wondering around and when I finally found the food store and got my snack (not candy this time) and returned to the place where I thought my hotel was there was only a bank and so I was lost.
So here I am, 13 years old, walking around a foreign country that I can barely speak or understand the language of, didn’t have cell phone or a number I could call, and didn’t know the name of the hotel. So after about 2 hours of wandering around I found the police and told them my story (in English and they understood enough of it) and I got in their car. The police then started driving me from hotel to hotel to see if it was the one I was staying at and during this time they brought to the one place 3 different times and every time I would say "this is not a hotel, this is a bank".
Well after an hour or so of the police driving me around from hotel to hotel, my teach notices that I am gone and calls the police who then call the car that I am in. So the police bring me back to my hotel and I get out of the car. Well I later learned that the bank that I walked to (also the bank that the police kept asking if it was my hotel) was the front part of my hotel but because I never saw the front when I first got to the hotel I never knew about it.

Marie The Avenger · Mar 18, 2010, 11:45 PM // 23:45

So there I was, sitting in the living room playing Guild Wars with my
boyfriend (Yes, I really am a girl). We were in the middle of doing
some quests in Nightfall when I noticed that my warrior was running very
sporadically while his was running smoothly. At first, I just figured
it was because my computer was a little slower than his. But after a
few more quests of the same situation, I decided to bring it up. He
told me that if it was my computer, that both of us would be running
smoothly or sporadically depending on the performance of the computer.
Then something popped into my head, maybe we were using different
controls to do the same thing. I asked him what controls he was using
to run around, and he said "WASD". With a baffled look on my face, I
asked him what a "WASD" was. He just stared at me for a few seconds,
and responded, "Uhh, the controls I use to run around. What are you
using?". I told him I was using my mouse and just clicking wherever I
wanted to go. He asked why. At this point, two other guys that were
friends of ours that were hanging out at the time looked at me just as
baffled as I had looked at my boyfriend. From one of them, I heard,
"You don't know WASD, and you've been playing Guild Wars for how long?".
I sheepishly replied, "about 3 years". At that point, my boyfriend
described what "WASD" was, and after giving it a whirl, navigation
around Guild Wars has been easy as pie ever since.

-Marie The Avenger (ING)

irundroks · Mar 19, 2010, 02:00 AM // 02:00

So, we have a ski/snowboard club at our school. On our last trip, the most epic thing happened. There was this guy from our school who always went on a snowboard. Sometime after we started going down the slopes, he loses control and just keeps accelerating until BAM. He slams right into a fence. At this point, you'd expect him to be lying there and moaning, but no. The fence just shatters, and he just keeps on going! After he's taken to the hospital, they find that no bones were broken. So, he managed to break a fence yet not hurt himself in any way at all...

Best thing I could think of as of now.

IGN Chrono Inferno

Ronarc · Mar 19, 2010, 05:22 AM // 05:22

The teacher in one of my ninth grade classes a few years ago was showing a copy of the Declaration of Independence to her students. It passed from desk
to desk and finally to Michael, a foreign student. He studied the document, then, before passing it on, he gravely added his own signature lol. I just stared in disbelief for a little while, until i processed what had just happened lol.

IGN: Ronarc The Hero

c3101429 · Mar 19, 2010, 10:56 AM // 10:56

I was trying to impress a girl once who liked motorbikes. I had only riden one once or twice before but i was keen to impress her. I borrowed my friends bike,, i say bike, it was a very old pig 90 which was falling to pieces. I got on it and picked her up. Thsi bike was designed for the roads of the 1970's or something. We rode down this mudy trail near our houses which was covered in mud from the rain. there were loads of bikes around us all riding arond jumping ramps and stuff. i thought it would be good to jump it up a little ramp with her on the back. as soon as we hit the ramp, the back end shot forward. we landed in a wheelie riding dangerously close to crashing. i managed to start to pull the front end down just as we were about to go through a puddle.
as we hit the 'puddle' it swallowed the whole bike. the front end hit the front of the giant hole which we couldn't see pushing the back end down into the puddle. she was completely submerged under this muddy puddle with the weight of me and the bike on her. after a few seconds, i managed to get the weight of the bike off her and get her out. we fell on the floor laughing our heads off.
we decided i wasn't evil knieval and decided to go home. we didnt realise that petrol had started spitting out the bike. as we sat on the bike talking it was filling up my jeans with petrol. i kicked started the bike and threw my cig on the floor. my leg went straight up in flames. panicking, i threw the bike back in the puddle and followed it in myself. i literally laughed my arse off for 15 minutes.
so i walked her the 2 miles home with burnt jeans and broken pride. needless to say i didn't get the girl

Azure mist · Mar 20, 2010, 12:20 AM // 00:20

My friend was in Urgoz and he teleported to a guy who thought he was the coolest person ever flashing cash who dropped q9 gold inscribable crystalline sword. my friend picked it up, the guy raged the group and we finished the dungeon he was so pumped about selling it that without knowing he merched the q9 gold insc crystalline sword while he was selling his crap dungeon drops. He merched this 400e+ sword and has never logged on since. xD

IGN: D e c a d e n c e

superraptors · Mar 20, 2010, 02:32 AM // 02:32

a couple months back i went to set up a party for my mates sis. eventually stayed for a bit. at the end when everyone was leaving. one of the girls walked up 2 my car and asked what i was going to do later on. This was during around christmas eve or something. So i was going to a nearby carols festival later on. I told her that and she gave me some awkward look as if i was part of the choir or something and starts walking up to my mates car. I see her get in, then a couple of minutes later i was kicking myself for saying i was going to carols.

Just.nl · Mar 20, 2010, 08:03 AM // 08:03

A few months back i got my first FoW set. After lots of grinding and farming i finally got the cash for my FoWset. (Yes, it was hard for me to get one, since i cant keep my cash in my storage

). When i wanted to get my FoWset with a few guildies. They said there was an update. You have to get 105 Onyx Gemstones now also

. I tried to open my browser. But my browser didnt work, so i bought 105 Onyx and lend 51,5k to craft my armour. When i finally got there i bought my FoWset and checked my inventory! The Onyx Gemstones still where there

Finally the guy who told me gave my cash back and i gave the guy who i lend the cash from his cash back. And all ends good

~Xhaos was Just

whosyadaddy · Mar 20, 2010, 11:46 AM // 11:46

I can beat all these hands down.
Me and my friend decided to leave the town where we lived to go and live by the sea. It was holiday season and he said he knew some people there who could get us a job. The only problem was we'd lost our job a few weeks back. I was down to my last £70 and he was almost pennyless. We went into town to buy a 2 man tent, that cost £40 and some general camping things-knife/tin-opener,beans-£3
we packed the necesary things into a couple of bags each and set off to the train station. I paid for a single for both of us, £6.50 each and we set off on our way.
when we arrived, we realised we didn't have any cigs so i bought some from the shop. we were another £3 down.
For those of you bad at maths, we were down to our last £11. Money didn't matter as we always found something to laugh about. We went to the camp site he knew and paid for one night as it was £8 a night.
we set up the tent and it started to rain on us.the stupidity of what we'd done dawned on us fast as it rained misery on us. our bags were soaked as it took too long to put the tent up. my friend, who always smiled at everything,was sat there looking miserable. this only made me laugh at him.
then we got hungry. we opened our bean with the crappy tin opener and realised that we didnt buy anything to cook it in. this made me laugh even more. i was in hysterics. my mate was getting madder which made me laugh more which made me laugh more.we did the only thing we could, we spent the rest of our money on cheap cider and drank away the pain.
in the morning, we set off to try and find somewhere to pitch the tent for for free. as we were walking around, a car pulled up. as it stopped the guy grabbed my arm and showed me his police id. he said that he thought we'd been involved in some robberies in the area. he took us back to our tent and emptied our bags onto the muddy field. i was more than annoyed at him as he left without even saying sorry. i could only laugh at it all. my friend was getting closer and closer to a breakdown which only made it funnier.
we went to have a wash and a shave. the water was cold which made us cut our faces shaving. we brushed our teeth and out on wet, dirty trousers and shirts and left to go and get a job.
I thought all our luck had changed when i saw a job for a potwasher. i went in to ask about it. the woman in charge looked at me,scanned up and down as if i had a third arm. she said, 'i don't think so, do you?!?' i told her i would be working in the back and no-one would see me so it would be ok. she opened the door signalling me to go out. i almost fell on the floor in laughter when i got out. i couldnt even get a job as a pot washer in the back.
to cut a long story short, we didn't get a job that day, we did see his friend who told us he also had no-where to stay. we agreed to let him sleep in our tent.
this would've been fine but he was about 20 foot tall. we went to the tent, which we had pitched in some nettles down a litle hill on the side of the road. as we got in we realised our mistake. there was no room for us and a 20 foot giant in a 2 man tent. he also ate loads of food. that night the rain came down hard. we were touching the sides of the tent so we got soaked, our stuff was completely soaked. we got no sleep. all i could do all night was laugh my head off at it all. that made mty friend madder and mader which made me laugh more at him.
in the morning,we were broken. his friend had left early and we decided to leave. we were going to walk home-about 100 miles. our luck finally changed. we saw someone i used to go to school with. what are the odds. we got home and all our friends took the pee as we told them we'd see them in a few months.
i still laugh everytime i think about this.

joely b · Mar 20, 2010, 01:29 PM // 13:29

A buddy of mine worked for about two years for this pizza place in town and eventually worked his way up to the level of shift supervisor there, and among the responsibilities of the shift supervisor was to dispose of the bad pizza dough once it had fermented and wasn't good anymore and whatever. So, first time he has to do this, I'm there with him as he ends his shift and he looks to me as he's dragging out literally hundreds of pounds of pizza dough here and he goes, "You know what, I think we could do something with this."

I look at him like he's a ****ing idiot and proceed to say, "**** yeah, let's take it."

So he and I both muster up our strength to grab this ****ing mountain of dough in a huge plastic bag and deposit it in the back of his Jeep. We get back to his house and his mom's immediate reaction is, "You guys are morons. Dispose of that, seriously." Of course, we could have just driven back to the big dumpster behind the pizza place to get rid of it, but that would have necessitated driving a good ways back and he didn't wanna waste the gas in his car. So what do we decide to do in lieu of that solution? Bury it in my back yard. Now you have to understand here, my back yard was basically a giant wooded area and then a pond (My house is elevated up above this and there's a hill that leads down to this stuff). So we get out our shovels and dig this big ass trench and toss the dough inside. We cover it up, dust our hands off and say "Well that's the end of that." and go on our way.

Guess what happens when you bury pizza dough in the moist soil of a person's back yard over night.

It rises.

A lot.

I wake up the next morning, glance outside my window, yell out "HOLY ****." and immediately give him a call. We buried this **** two feet beneath the ground and it had risen two feet above it by morning time (And it had expanded in area by quite a bit, too - we're talking like 5-6 feet diameter here). We go down there and this giant ****ing dough bubble is exploding out of my backyard and no less than five white-tailed deer are sitting there munching on it. We ended up having to get another friend's dad to come along with a ****ing bobcat to get rid of the thing and that only half-assed the job. Easily the dumbest thing ever done.

So now whenever anyone among my friends says, "That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard." one of us is obligated to reply, "I don't know, there's a few hundred pounds of pizza dough buried in Joely's backyard that says otherwise."

IGN: Joely B

dawe92 · Mar 20, 2010, 01:35 PM // 13:35

Hi the story im about to tell you guys is 100% real. It's not really a funny story it's more of a scarry one. I hope it will pass ut expectations anyway. And im sorry if my english isen't perfect. This story happend last week. I were at the police station for filing a report on my lost cellphone when two policemen and a young women came in to the police station ( the young women looked really frightened when she came in to the police station). From the beggining I werent really taking notice to what they were saying, but as i had nothing to do while w8ing for the old lady infront of me to finish I started to listen to them. Apparently the young women had been followed bye someone while driving her car. Well as the story started to intresst me i keept on listening. She had been on her way to her father's house. As her father lived on the country side her in france she had to take some small roads that went threw an old forrest. Half way in to the forrest she had to stop beacuse there were a small tree that had fallen down on the road. Well she got out to move some of the branches to make a small passage to get her vehicule threw. Meanwhile another person arrives behind her. Just when the young women enters her vehicule.The man behind her starts sounding the horn using hes lights of the car and soo on. Well the young women dosent understand wht he wants, and thinks that he wants to pass. So she drives her car to the side of the road to let him pass, but he dosent and he continues to sounding the horn and flashing the light. Well she gets a bit scarred and think that she is followed, so she calls her dad to tell him to call the police beacuse there is some weired guy following her. Her dad calls the police and when the young women arrives to her dad's house the man behind her allso stops. The policemen tells the man to get out of his vehicule and they asking him why he has been followin the women. The man tells that police that he saw a man entering the trunk of the young womens car.
Well the police goes over to the young womens car and opens the trunk. And as promised inside the police finds a 40yr old man with and axe. The asks the man to get out and afterwords at the staion the ask him what he was doing there, He told them that he just wanted a lift to the next village. 4 days afterwards they find out that the man in the trunk was a mentaly disturb man that had escaped from a psychiatric prison not far from the forrest were he encountered he yong women..Kinda sick that the guy that saves the women from the begging was the suspect. And if u think about it if the guy hadent followed her the man whit axe had been all alone whit the dad and the women when se arrived..Im happy that no one got hurt, but the young women still cant enter her car because she is to scarred

IGN: THE_DEAMON_KI

brody1 · Mar 21, 2010, 07:15 AM // 07:15

There are two stories that stand out for me...

One time in class, there was a goofy, tall student called Alex Baird.
We had a substitue that day and she had no idea how to "control" us.
so she was marking the role....we all answered to alex baird.
She handed out the work...we all wrote alex baird on it....she
then asked each of us individually our real name and yes we persisted with
Alex baird. Until it got to the last person she asked, the Real Alex Baird.
"SO, WHAT is your NAME!?"
"Alex baird miss...."
"AAAAARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHH I CANT ELIEVE YOU WOULD CONFORM TO
THIS MOB SENSE OF TORTURE"
she then left. and never tought us again.

On another school happening,
once upon a time there was this really mean science teacher
who hid her cigarettes in teh science room.
We were testing sollubility of alot of different things...
one of them being some dangerous acid, if you drink it
atleast.
So this nasty teacher leaves the room and out comes the noise
then some1 dares the class idiot to put acid in her coffe...
he does..and we all coudlnt really believe it for awhile.
She marched straight back in with her commanding strut,
drank her 'teachers only' coffe.
and well, that knocked her right of her high horse.
She made a funny face...after a few seconds realising.
Then she started to look like she was channeling all the nightmares
of hell. She ran out of the room...i thought to get medical attention.
but her personality dictated otherwise, she got the head teacher
to come back with ehr to the class to witness the loudest
screamfest possibly of all time.

Skeletor Il · Mar 21, 2010, 06:40 PM // 18:40

I find this story funny, it wasnt so funny at the time but still, I'll keep it short

I went to Tescos for a family shop, and down the sporting isle I got the hick-ups (which I really, really hate) and usually, I hold my breath to get them away. So, this was no exception, and I held my breath whilst staring at different thing to try and take my mind of the hick-ups. Looking at the weights was the last thing I remember of my hick-ups before I blacked-out!! I had fiented because I held my breath for to long, gashed my leg open on a rail, and smacked my head on the store floor. When I woke up, all I could hear was screaming from my mum and sister, with my mum shouting something about my eyes rolling back. The store manager arrived and closed off the isle, and offered my some coke-cola

> when he turned up with the coke, I got one sip before my sister grabbed it off me and downed it haha. I still laugh at it even now every time I think about it

- hope you liked it heh

Cheers for the contest, IGN: Skeletor Il (skeletor il).

WNxCarrion7 · Mar 22, 2010, 05:20 AM // 05:20

True story, from a News Report which was on TV, I believe this was before the Internet, but I'm not entirely sure. Anyways,

There was a bus driver driving 10 insane people from a psychiatric ward to another. Anyways, because they're insane (and yes insane as in the legal term), he decides to go to a bar, grab an alcoholic drink and some nuts. He comes back, only to see that the 10 people are missing. So, he goes to the nearest bus stop, and says he'll give 10 people a free ride, but instead delivers them to the psychiatric ward that he was supposed to go to.

Then, he reports to the authorities at the psychiatric ward that he's delivering people who have delusional ideas about escaping to a fantasy world. They take the 10 "normal" people and lock them up. This was never found out about for 3 days, and it was only figured out when one of the family members of the 10 normal people called in about their missing friend.

PM me for my IGN if I win, I don't like to give it away in public.

ValaOfTheFens · Mar 24, 2010, 03:21 PM // 15:21

lolz at my guildie above me!

I work at an afterschool program that primarily services the immigrant population of my city. Oft times the kids have a tenuous grasp of English and American culture and so alot of funny situations develop. Last year I was the kindergarten guru and so I was in charge of their table. I was trying to get one of the kids to stop standing on his chair when he grabbed my boobs and shouted "Titties!". It took everything I had not to burst out laughing then and there. I mumbled something about telling his mom and ran off to the kitchen so I could laugh. I did have to tell his mom and when she asked him about it he pretended that he didn't know what that word meant. ^_^

My IGN is ValaOfTheFens