Aiding Depressed Members: Need some help - Page 2 - Guild Wars Forums

Loviatar · Nov 07, 2005, 12:15 AM // 00:15

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xue Yi Liang

If this is a temporary thing it's understandable - we've all been there before. But if this is just his personality then you've got a problem because you're stuck with him in the guild. .

am i confusing you with someone else who claimed to be a medical professional?

if so i apologize.

if you are a doctor i would not want a doctor who is still in the dark ages stating someone who may be seriously (clinically) depressed has a personality problem rather than a problem which might respond to medical treatment

again if i have you confused with someone else i apologize

Lysander Freeman · Nov 08, 2005, 03:14 AM // 03:14

I had an experience similar but different than this. The member had an anger issue as well as a bit of depression. To make a long story short, I relied on positive reinforcement of guild values - basically being a decent person, no swearing, flaming, etc. etc. - and all was fine until one day he went off on another member. After giving him a severe warning I kicked him. He was immediately sorry, but I didn't reinvite him. I asked another member who he talked to a lot on MSN to keep a check on him to see how he was doing.

After a short bit I did reinvite him because I believe in second chances is the person is a good person, which this guy was - real likable and decent but came with some problems. A while later we had GvG/PvP differences and the end result was that he left the Guild voluntarily, actually surprising me.

And I never invited him back in. Second chances, yes, third chances don't exist. He and I still talk from time to time on MSN and everything's fine, he just isn't in the Guild anymore.

In my own situation, it seemed like he respected me and may have learned something because I did work with him and when he was removed from the Guild he understood that it was for both his and the Guild's benefit.

The moral of the story is that if you've done everything you can but it isn't working out, removing the person from the Guild may be your best option. You still have all of the other members that need a strong Guild Leader to take care of. Keep tabs on the person and all but there comes a time when maybe the current situation isn't helping but may be prolonging a situation.

Guardian of the Light · Nov 10, 2005, 08:47 PM // 20:47

Ok its a good thing I learned depression in school (finally I found a use for it).

I think you should just wait and watch and see if this is a one time thing or not. Look out for warning signs thou if you see a lot try to contract someone knows in REAL life. But tell them if you can that you are CONCERNED don't make them panic. I have learned that Depression can lead to Suicide but don't Panic right away.

However your friend might be just getting bored of Guild Wars and just mybe wants to try out a new game soon.

Some Warning Signs of Depression leading to Suicide are:

1. Big Changes in behavior
2. Reckless Behavior
3. Giving Away of Prized Belongings
4. Over-Sleepage
5. Talk of Suicide

However I'm not trying to play Mr. Psycolist Here I copied these facts from a 30min video I saw in school.

However if he Says stuff like "Guild Wars is Boring" you can relax because I think that means he's just bored of Guild Wars and probably just needs to learn a way to get Ca$h or needs to try out new guild

Ok yes I'm done.

jules · Nov 10, 2005, 09:48 PM // 21:48

The 'depression' label is quite often misused. There is a huge difference between saying 'I am depressed' and being actually clinically depressed. Clinical depression is defined as a 'sustained lowering of mood' and in real life there's a whole list of things that support this diagnosis. (sorry for being pedantic but I couldn't resist)

You can look at this problem in two ways. Either he's just sick of the game and in that case I wouldn't worry, or he's having problems in real life; in which case you can't really do that much apart from being friendly to him and providing some sort of social support that way. It may be worth asking him about what is bugging him especially if he continues to act like this for a longer period of time. Of course this depends on how well you know him.

It's nice to read about someone who cares.

Sofonisba · Nov 11, 2005, 12:28 AM // 00:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by jules

It's nice to read about someone who cares.

Agreed, in spades.

Alone) · Nov 11, 2005, 01:25 AM // 01:25

Yay! Finally a discussion that I find to my liking!

As many others who have stated, it seems to be more of a possibility of a real life situation. The only people who can really tell are the people who are in physical contact with him. I have to disagree about leaving him alone though. Those who can not find help out in the real world, come into games, online people and what not. So I say still be open and there for him. One can never know about his situation. So it'd be best trying to be there.

If he keeps refusing help, don't bring it up. Have you tried holding a conversation on something light? Maybe like a movie...every day situations, etc. Just don't try forcing things on your friend. I'm sure you probably won't, but just saying it as a precaution. But stick with him, try and stay being a friend, and see what happens after a few more days.

However, there is another side to it, but I'm not saying your friend is this way. He could be a person who craves more attention, and makes up lies about it get things his way. But I find that mostly derives from past experiences that cause one person to be that way. So either way, you're talking to someone who probably hasn't had some good situations in life right now.

Either way, try to keep his spirits up. Even though some may take it as something not so serious, or may even laugh at it, depression isn't so funny. There ARE people who have done some things of the like in games, and those who haven't been reached to ended up in situations that are worse than a depressive state. Like a friend of mine.

Good luck to yah.

And hope your friend feels better.

The Son Of Morgoth · Nov 20, 2005, 11:26 PM // 23:26

Its probably sometime that is happening in real life.......ask him about that.....try to help him solve his real life problems.........try to do fun non strenous activites with him..... i kno sometimes my guildmates get together in our dead guild hall and we play tag or games like that for prizes and stuf and that always cheers everyone up

B3H · Nov 22, 2005, 04:00 PM // 16:00

Tell em to join

Cheer Up Emo Kid [EMO]

Racthoh · Nov 22, 2005, 04:18 PM // 16:18

Firstly, thanks to everyone that responded. I feel pretty awful that I completely forgot I made this thread and just happened that the replies have escalated into two pages.

Unfortunately, the member in question was somewhat right, as some of the other members find this player to be a tad annoying. He has this tendency to refer to me as "Leader" rather than simply calling me by name. I think he is rather young, in his early teens thus explaining this nifty triat. As such I've noticed that the players who are a tad annoyed by it joke about it a lot. However, in his eyes I don't quite think he gets the fact that we're being sarcastic. Although, he isn't the only person to do it in the guild but I simply believe it's because he playing skills are rather lacking at the moment. But again, we have a few members in that boat but they don't seem to bother the others.

As far as kicking him, hell no. Sorry your problems are bringing the rest of us down and you're emotional state is really a burden on the guild. When your child cries, do you simply drop it off at the adoption agency and let someone else deal with their grief?

Thankfully, for me anyway, their attitude has improved and they're appearing online more often. He hasn't acted the same way in a while, so I'm under the assumption it was just some sort of phase.

DarkSider84 · Nov 25, 2005, 02:51 AM // 02:51

It's the ups & downs to gaming at times. Some days you're going to feel really good about what you're doing, others you find it useless and negative almost depressed. Just talk to him, try to get the the root of whats going on in his head, and then you can decide what needs to be done to help him.

Nov 08, 2005, 03:14 AM // 03:14	#22
Lysander Freeman Academy Page Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Central PA, USA Guild: Gladiators of Light in Darkness Profession: R/E	I had an experience similar but different than this. The member had an anger issue as well as a bit of depression. To make a long story short, I relied on positive reinforcement of guild values - basically being a decent person, no swearing, flaming, etc. etc. - and all was fine until one day he went off on another member. After giving him a severe warning I kicked him. He was immediately sorry, but I didn't reinvite him. I asked another member who he talked to a lot on MSN to keep a check on him to see how he was doing. After a short bit I did reinvite him because I believe in second chances is the person is a good person, which this guy was - real likable and decent but came with some problems. A while later we had GvG/PvP differences and the end result was that he left the Guild voluntarily, actually surprising me. And I never invited him back in. Second chances, yes, third chances don't exist. He and I still talk from time to time on MSN and everything's fine, he just isn't in the Guild anymore. In my own situation, it seemed like he respected me and may have learned something because I did work with him and when he was removed from the Guild he understood that it was for both his and the Guild's benefit. The moral of the story is that if you've done everything you can but it isn't working out, removing the person from the Guild may be your best option. You still have all of the other members that need a strong Guild Leader to take care of. Keep tabs on the person and all but there comes a time when maybe the current situation isn't helping but may be prolonging a situation.

Nov 10, 2005, 08:47 PM // 20:47	#23
Guardian of the Light Forge Runner Join Date: Sep 2005 Guild: Radicals Against Tyrants Profession: W/	Ok its a good thing I learned depression in school (finally I found a use for it). I think you should just wait and watch and see if this is a one time thing or not. Look out for warning signs thou if you see a lot try to contract someone knows in REAL life. But tell them if you can that you are CONCERNED don't make them panic. I have learned that Depression can lead to Suicide but don't Panic right away. However your friend might be just getting bored of Guild Wars and just mybe wants to try out a new game soon. Some Warning Signs of Depression leading to Suicide are: 1. Big Changes in behavior 2. Reckless Behavior 3. Giving Away of Prized Belongings 4. Over-Sleepage 5. Talk of Suicide However I'm not trying to play Mr. Psycolist Here I copied these facts from a 30min video I saw in school. However if he Says stuff like "Guild Wars is Boring" you can relax because I think that means he's just bored of Guild Wars and probably just needs to learn a way to get Ca$h or needs to try out new guild Ok yes I'm done.

Nov 10, 2005, 09:48 PM // 21:48	#24
jules Lion's Arch Merchant Join Date: Jul 2005 Guild: Xen of Sigils [XoO]	The 'depression' label is quite often misused. There is a huge difference between saying 'I am depressed' and being actually clinically depressed. Clinical depression is defined as a 'sustained lowering of mood' and in real life there's a whole list of things that support this diagnosis. (sorry for being pedantic but I couldn't resist) You can look at this problem in two ways. Either he's just sick of the game and in that case I wouldn't worry, or he's having problems in real life; in which case you can't really do that much apart from being friendly to him and providing some sort of social support that way. It may be worth asking him about what is bugging him especially if he continues to act like this for a longer period of time. Of course this depends on how well you know him. It's nice to read about someone who cares.

Nov 11, 2005, 01:25 AM // 01:25	#26
Alone) Krytan Explorer Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Campbell, California Guild: Legio Imortalii Profession: W/Mo	Yay! Finally a discussion that I find to my liking! As many others who have stated, it seems to be more of a possibility of a real life situation. The only people who can really tell are the people who are in physical contact with him. I have to disagree about leaving him alone though. Those who can not find help out in the real world, come into games, online people and what not. So I say still be open and there for him. One can never know about his situation. So it'd be best trying to be there. If he keeps refusing help, don't bring it up. Have you tried holding a conversation on something light? Maybe like a movie...every day situations, etc. Just don't try forcing things on your friend. I'm sure you probably won't, but just saying it as a precaution. But stick with him, try and stay being a friend, and see what happens after a few more days. However, there is another side to it, but I'm not saying your friend is this way. He could be a person who craves more attention, and makes up lies about it get things his way. But I find that mostly derives from past experiences that cause one person to be that way. So either way, you're talking to someone who probably hasn't had some good situations in life right now. Either way, try to keep his spirits up. Even though some may take it as something not so serious, or may even laugh at it, depression isn't so funny. There ARE people who have done some things of the like in games, and those who haven't been reached to ended up in situations that are worse than a depressive state. Like a friend of mine. Good luck to yah. And hope your friend feels better.

Nov 20, 2005, 11:26 PM // 23:26	#27
The Son Of Morgoth Wilds Pathfinder Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Maryland Guild: The Servants Of Morgoth Profession: N/	Its probably sometime that is happening in real life.......ask him about that.....try to help him solve his real life problems.........try to do fun non strenous activites with him..... i kno sometimes my guildmates get together in our dead guild hall and we play tag or games like that for prizes and stuf and that always cheers everyone up

Nov 22, 2005, 04:00 PM // 16:00	#28
B3H Frost Gate Guardian Join Date: May 2005 Location: Mid-West Guild: Cheer Up Emo Kid [EMO] Profession: W/R	Tell em to join Cheer Up Emo Kid [EMO]

Nov 22, 2005, 04:18 PM // 16:18	#29
Racthoh Did I hear 7 heroes? Join Date: May 2005 Guild: Scars Meadows [SMS], Guild Leader (Not Recruiting)	Firstly, thanks to everyone that responded. I feel pretty awful that I completely forgot I made this thread and just happened that the replies have escalated into two pages. Unfortunately, the member in question was somewhat right, as some of the other members find this player to be a tad annoying. He has this tendency to refer to me as "Leader" rather than simply calling me by name. I think he is rather young, in his early teens thus explaining this nifty triat. As such I've noticed that the players who are a tad annoyed by it joke about it a lot. However, in his eyes I don't quite think he gets the fact that we're being sarcastic. Although, he isn't the only person to do it in the guild but I simply believe it's because he playing skills are rather lacking at the moment. But again, we have a few members in that boat but they don't seem to bother the others. As far as kicking him, hell no. Sorry your problems are bringing the rest of us down and you're emotional state is really a burden on the guild. When your child cries, do you simply drop it off at the adoption agency and let someone else deal with their grief? Thankfully, for me anyway, their attitude has improved and they're appearing online more often. He hasn't acted the same way in a while, so I'm under the assumption it was just some sort of phase.

Nov 25, 2005, 02:51 AM // 02:51	#30
DarkSider84 Frost Gate Guardian Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Connecticut, USA Guild: JAPS Profession: E/Me	It's the ups & downs to gaming at times. Some days you're going to feel really good about what you're doing, others you find it useless and negative almost depressed. Just talk to him, try to get the the root of whats going on in his head, and then you can decide what needs to be done to help him.